Good Day, Nick here.
Since the late 90’s (except for 2005, which was my "dark year at CHUD.com") we’ve done a CHUD Babe Draft. It used to be a little creepier back in the day, a concept of an island populated by Chewers complete with each of these handpicked "harems" of the best and brightest and bounciest dames in Hollywood’s arsenal. Now, it’s just a fun thing for bragging rights or a chance to showcase good or really bad taste amongst a cross section of the veteran message board presences. This year I felt it’d be fun to complement the draft with a running commentary by a handful of folks, the first being Brian Wehman. His fun and sometimes freakish words follow.
Oh, and if you didn’t know… this isn’t for the straight-laced and demure readers. Nah, this is more for the raging perverts and borderline freakshows. Now here’s Brian’s commentary for yesterday’s round one.
WARNING: Lowbrow profanity and sexist comments to follow.
I had to miss round three due to numerous police investigations about my recent choice words regarding women and their roles in society and motion pictures. So not only did I miss a babe in round three, but also a chance to say what I think about everyone’s choices. However, I will not be stopped!
So hide the children and password protect your browser, the CHUD Babe Draft 2006 round three recap is about to begin….
When my snake eyes first spotted Carla Gugino, my blood started boiling red hot. Apparently Ratty wanted to give her a Judas kiss as well, because she is the first pick in round three and babe number 55. She might not be the one, but I’m betting even money that a night with her in
I’d take a boat trip to Roselyn Sanchezs’ home of
There are more than 54 positions I would like to get babe number 57 in. Heidi Klum might be cursed to end up on the list managed by thedeanbcurtis, but at least she didn’t have to blow his little Malcolm in the middle of his legs dry to get the spot.
The Italian junebug, Amy Adams, is selected by Chris Allen with the 58th overall pick. Even standing still, Amy is drop dead gorgeous. Rumor has it, she had a psycho beach party with Duncan, Jack, & Jane in
I hope Meagan Good has a some bad in her as well, because I’d like to get waist deep with this west coast babe. Kirby Drummond may have rolled and bounced a few other names in his mind, but he dropped a brick in his pants realizing she had fallen to number 59 and had to make his move.
I’ve been getting the love jones recently, and I’m thinking Nia Long might be able to fix that. Eileen apparently went over to her Big Momma’s House for an opinion on who to make babe number 60, and if those walls could talk; they would say that upon leaving the boiler room, Nia was the only choice.
I don’t want a date with Tad Hamilton (unless he’s buying), but I would take one with Moon Bloodgood – the 61st babe. Hoping to get a feeling a lot like love, otisthecat selects the oddly named hottie who is always welcome eight inches below my waist.
I highly doubt that a woman like Jordan Ladd, who has felt the embrace of a vampire, has never been kissed; but if she hasn’t – I’d gladly take the plunge. Too bad for me, however, that Matt Goldberg made her the 62nd overall babe. This 31 year old from
Alright, I gotta break down the fourth wall here. I am have a special place in my heart for the 63rd babe (taken by Dave Davis) Jaime Pressly. I’m not sure if it’s growing up in
We now return to your regularly scheduled misogynistic and overtly sexually crude and movie title pun-filled internet filth.
If I was Superman and Erica Durance was Lois Lane, I’d fuck her. Apparently Christopher Read is much wittier than I am, as he doesn’t strand this babe any longer and collects her at number 64.
Everyone’s favorite femme fatale, Rebecca Romijn gets punished at number 65 and ends up with Micah Robinson. I’d like to think it was a godsend that she dropped John Stamos, now if I can just find a way to pepper her with my manly mayo maker.
It might be dangerous ground, but Starving Dog doesn’t care and takes Elizabeth Hurley in the third round as the 66th babe. It’ s no international mystery that she can bedazzle any man, but the double whammy of being married to Hugh Grant and the fact the he was a bad boy and chose Divine Brown over her makes this choice a question mark.
I’m just an average white boy, so I stand no chance with our 67th babe, Alison Lohman. GFC broke out the big fish by selecting this 35 year old million dollar babe. Bonus points to her for starring in a movie called KRAA! THE SEA MONSTER.
Danielle Panabaker may be 19 now, but if I cloud have found her three years ago, she may have truly been a mom at 16. Rule number one for Slater is get them before others do, so now she’s not yours, mine, or ours. Plus, she’s babe 69 – get it?!
I’d love to be more than just friends with Anna Faris, but fabfunk pulls a scary move and makes her babe number 70. She’s kind of a plain Jane, but I’d let her have fun with my dick. My ex-girlfriend wasn’t very super, so this not so southern belle brings a smile to my face.
The Nunz isn’t a hollow man, but I’m not sure if he got a birthday present for his third round pick, and babe 71, Rhona Mitra. She turned thirty the day she joined Nick’s list, so I have a feeling the former highway man is stuck with this one.
Andrew Sweeny and I may be on hostile ground as he steals Brittany Daniel out from under everyone. I’m sure he hopes this white chick spends some time with his little man.
It may be less than 3,000 miles to
Thank God! Finally the currently fully loaded on whatever she can get her hands on, Lindsay Lohan is off the board. Anyawatchin Angel makes her babe number 74, and this mean girl is a threat to other babes no more. Figures, it would be just my luck that this teenage drama queen is gone before I can show her my bobby.
My pulse quickens a bit every time I see a picture of Kristen Bell, and now Martianman is in deep water with the other draftees after nabbing her at pick 75. After all these silly entries, you would think I would go after obvious POOTIE TANG reference, but I am better than that. Instead I go with: I just hope someday this little spartan can see my roman war helmet.
Well, H-E double hockey sticks, gravedigger takes a woman so hot, that she is something only the Lord could have made – Gabrielle Union. I can’t believe all of us could abandon this
The pale-skinned and former member of the Marilyn Manson cock rodeo, Rose McGowan is now babe number 77. I’d be nervous (apparently Richard Dickson ain’t) about dropping my seed into her vaginal vacuum because it might be the last stop I ever make.
Sunwukong may have put us in clear and present danger by selecting the hole known as Thora Birch at number 78. This American beauty might be smoker, but honestly, I think she belongs anywhere but here.
Laura Prepon may not be a slacker, but I don’t know if this red-haired
Call me Emmanuelle Vaugier, call me please! The last babe taken in round three and 80th overall may think she is a secondhand lion for being taken so late by donde, but I think this Canadian babe is good to go for 40 days and 40 nights.