Oh, Jessica. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. I love you as much as I’m allowed (judge says it has to be from at least 500 feet away), but I have to question the thought process when it comes to selecting projects. An Adam Sandler movie? You’re so much better than that. Just look at you. I mean, really. Wow.

Yes, the divine Ms. Biel has joined Sandler and Kevin James in the theoretical comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which (in case that crafty title threw you) revolves around gay marriage. But wait, there’s an ingenious twist! See, these two burly firemen are just pretending to be homosexuals so they can get married and take advantage of domestic-partner benefits, which is apparently less convoluted than just paying for insurance. But then Sandler falls in love with the attorney representing the case, because she’s Jessica Biel. Mixed messages no doubt result in attempted hilarity.

Biel (next seen in the war drama Home of the Brave and the Nic Cage action flick Next) is a rare beast in that she’s indescribably gorgeous and can actually act. Sandler, meanwhile, has barely altered his goofball gimmick in twenty years (and no, he doesn’t get any sort of latitude for being in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie), and Kevin James’ last movie went straight to video. So something obviously doesn’t fit.