I’m going to a more spare look for the letters column as I plan to do it more often (with your help. Send letters!). I might do two a week if there’s enough material for it. This tends to be the easiest way to address the readers globally. And here we go!

Loving the Kraken (slang!) (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Ben:
Glad you’re back, full force on the site. Actually
had a question for you that I thought of when you
reviewed Pirates 2. You talk about your love of all
things in the deep sea. The Kraken, and ancient sea
creatures and such. I guess I’m wondering what
started that fascination for you? Have you always
loved the ocean? Or did you have an experience that
started it all? Did a baby Thresher shark turn your
inboard into an outboard?

Also, whatever happened to the CHUD Book? I know you
ran the first chapter or so on the site a while ago,
but have you ever thought about trying to restart

Anyhow, keep up the good work. Looking forward to the
next Leak.

Nick: You want to know the truth? Namor raped me.

Actually, I remember being a wisp of a kid when my folks took me to both the New York Aquarium and the Museum of Natural History and it was like being alive for the first time. The dinosaurs and sharks and squids and bizarre real-world creatures was all it took for me. Then, I was brought to the Internet, or as it was called then, a library. Greek mythology. Loch Ness Monster Stuff. My family photo albums. I was never the same.

As for the CHUD book, there have been two sample chapters floated out there. One was from a more personal perspective by me (read that primitive husk of hell here) and there was the somewhat ‘real’ CHUD book that didn’t happen for other reasons. That chapter can be read HERE, HERE, and HERE.

There will eventually be a CHUD.com book. I know for a fact that we have a great official novelisation of 11 Colonels ATTACK! ready if we get our financing and there’s another book I was asked to write next year for a feature film should I have the time to spend in Europe. More on that as it becomes more realistic.

Thanks for writing.

Minorities & Clerks II (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Jamie: I see this on friday with a person in a wheelchair to the left and a giant
black guy to the right. this made is a beautifully unconfortable movie.
thank buddy christ I don’t care what people think. so
i laugh loud and a lot. smith went full circle back to boundless
adult comedy. teenage prank comedy can only be so funny

Nick: First of all why were you seeing the film with my lovers? Secondly, the "porch monkey" and cripple jokes in Clerks II were funny but both stretched on a little too long for my liking, but they were a much needed reprieve from the horrid story of Dante and his bullshit life. As for boundless adult comedy, I don’t think that’s how I’d classify this film. Playfully juvenille might be closer to the mark.


Mitch to the right.Patrick: Is your return to CHUD indicative of MEG’s status? Haven’t
heard much mention of it and a while and I’m just curious.

Nick: Not at all. I did a mention of it on our Sewerchewer mailing list, so if you aren’t a subscriber, please become on right here. Meg has gone through a tumultuous little life in Hollywood dating back to way before I helped bring it back from oblivion. We’re in good shape, and I’m getting a very positive vibe for it being a Summer 2008 possibility. The right people are behind it, so I’m confident. But, I should have been wiser in my timing for stepping down. So, while I had a very creative year or so, I cannot assume this crazy business is going to require a huge chunk of my time until projects are actually happening. There are three films which are my priorities now and even when they start, I think this site’s better with an extra guy working on it than one less. Some people seemed to miss me around here so I’ll be here until I die. Hopefully, I’ll have to do some CHUD stuff from a movie set or a lae night hotel room after the shoot but there’s only a conflict of interest in our coverage if I let there be. I won’t.

Reviewers (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Nick:
This is a bit of an addition to the comments on reviews and reviewers and
the nature of the reliability of them these days. I was looking at
Rottentomatoes as I often do to scoff at the levels that critics embrace or
disdain the movies I intend to see and was looking at Clerks 2. While at
this time there were 15 reviews of which I glanced over the blurbs….. in
no less then 3 of the blurbs used the word scabrous….. SCABROUS. I have
not ever seen that word used in more then once, and I believe that was when
I was looking up a word in the dictionary to challenge a wayward scrabble
opponent and happened across it. Was this part of the press release for
the movie? Why was this word one that resonated with all reviewers? Seems
fishy to me….I feel dirty now, like when I hear the republican "talking
points" on the news over and over. You know the ones, on any topic there
maybe it seems as though every guest on Foxnews or CNN or whatever has the
same scripted line to push….. Whatever…I’m still looking forward to it.

Nick: Some words just become popular at a given time. Plus, film critics are not in the top 60,000 most creative people in the world. A lot of them are quite sheep-like and shouldn’t be surprised when a twig dog eats them in the hallway.

Siegel Slam (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Paul:
While I agree that Joel Siegel is a tool, it is
disappointing to see people fall all over themselves
defending the puerile and idiotic Kevin Smith. He
acted no better than Siegel and if you read David
Poland’s blog, you can read about all of the infantile
crap Smith has pulled, like banning people from
screenings of his movies. All this Smith worship is

Nick: David Poland’s blog? I’ll be damned, he has one. Here’s a link to his Kevin Smith stuff. David Poland and I don’t have a great history together though I’ve enjoyed speaking with him from time to time. He has terrific hair. With that said, I don’t play a lot of the personal games when it comes to creators. I don’t really like the gossip, I lose track of allegiances and squabbles because they dictate a lot more than you know, stuff they should have no involement in, and being in Atlanta I’m just too far away. What David said sounds pretty shitty, so Mr. Smith may indeed be a douche to some people. All I have is my own experiences and I come to the conclusion that I like the guy and don’t like Joel Siegel so while his methods may be crude, I stuck up for him there. Poland is a lot more wired in to the infrastructure of the Hollywood machine so his experience is different. So, we’ll agree to disagree, you and I. Keep in mind, I’m the idiot who used to reply to every troll.

The End of the Whole Mess (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Mike: I thought this was Outstanding, one
of the best adaptations in a long time. This is one of my all time favorite
short stories so I was really hoping they would do it justice. The small
changes they made were clever, acting was top notch, imagary and effect
were great. (Although the repeat flashing images that they used towards
the end were kind of lame, the did the same thing on Crouch end.) While
I was watching it made made me think that, although it’s very depressing,
that it could have easily been made into a great feature film. There
was space enough for more charecter developement and they could have added
a more expansive look at the decline of civilization during the epidemic.
I’m surprised you didnt like it more.

When they were redoing all the earlier
books on audio I was really hoping that they would redo Dead Zone with
AM Hall or Christopher Walken reading it. I wish they would put all the
audio books on cd.

Devin, you’re a lucky dick having seen
The Fountain already, I’m glad you gave it a great review b/c I thought
the graphic novel was kind of boring and lame. The poster kicks ass, looks
like a 1970s scifi paperback…until october when they will be replaced
with floating heads.

Speaking of which I read a great "Illustrated
Novel" by Craig Thompson called Blankets. The author did unbelievable
job of conveying awkwardness and first love in the teenage years. If you
guys haven’t read it, check it out.

You fuckers were right on with Running
Scared, one of the best i’ve seen in years.

Thanks for the entertainment and hard

Nick: Thanks! Blankets is a great read. I have not a doubt in my mind that The Fountain will be a Top 3 film this year for a lot of us. Just talking to Aronofsky and knowing his chops and how much he put into this project, it’s a slam dunk and while Devin and I disagree on a lot of films I think he’s probably right with this one. Shit, I saw Lady in the Water last night and to some degree agree with him on that one too. I found myself enjoying it despite the lunacy of the whole thing. Thanks for reading and please keep doing so. And tell a few thousand of your closest friends!

A Milian to One (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Femi: Pls i like to talk to u ever since i saw ur movie u ded wit christiana milian pls i dont just know how i feel 4 d both of u . pls let me se wat u have 2 say about me and pls i want to kow how to
contact christiana milian .frm a friend who like u an always.

Nick: It it mean to say that I hope you die?

The Dimino Show (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Kevin: Ok, an odd question. I live in
the Atlanta area. If memory
serves me correct. A few years
ago, one of the people from this
website were on the radio 790 am
on the Chris Dimino show. Am I
correct?? I always enjoyed that
part of the radio show. What
happened to that segment??

Nick: I don’t know. I’ve never been one to really go out of my way to continue the peripheral self-promotional stuff. I got tired of doing CNN for free because of all the work and sacrifice it required, so I stopped. I didn’t like having to remind radio producers about the segments I did so I kind of wait for them to remember me and make the call. I think it’s more rewarding that way. I enjoy doing the G4 segments too, but I don’t feel like I have the right to demand or beg for airtime. Of all of the stuff I’ve done like that and all of the people I’ve met and worked with, Dimino is the lord of them. I love the guy and one day, I will make a movie with him. I just have to. He’s got the best head on his shoulders in all of sports, at least when it come to the sport I love. I’d do Dimino’s show any time. In a heartbeat. But, it’s the best show on its network and it’s the shortest so time is a commodity. Not a great answer but it’s all I got.

Lizards Will Be Broken (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Andrew:
Club Dread was a very, very boring and unfunny mess. This Beerfest trailer
has more laughs in it than C.D. had in it’s entire running time. Maybe I
just don’t get it. I love Super Troopers and this new flick looks like a
"laugh riot".Thanks. Kevin.

Nick: I don’t really find myself bowled over by the Beerfest trailer but none of the Broken Lizard trailers hold a candle to the films. My loyalty isn’t to their choice of material, I hate beer, but rather the fact that I think they’ll find funny shit in that choice. Club Dread‘s got serious holes, but it also has a lot of fun shit if you take the time to look for it. One viewing of that’s not enough. Neither is two. That said, Super Troopers is a tough act to follow.

Grindhouse Logic (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Mark:

There are many things I want to write about, but this one
I think is the most interesting. While I am a huge Tarantino fan and a
huge Rodriguez naysayer, my anticipation for Grindhouse remains high(
well at least for Tarantino’s half). My one main question is why is
this film coming to theathers? Since drive-ins and "grindhouses" rarely
exist (usually as dives that show year old releases) I wonder why this
film is not released Direct to DVD? Would’nt that be the most desirable
venue to show a film that harkens back to B-Movies of old? I like some
Direct to videos, and I think the public eats them up( or else they
would not release them). I think artistically this would be the coolest
way to release the film. Maybe with a brief theaterical run( if there
is such a thing) than release it to video, or maybe do what Bubble did
and release it to both at the same time. Anyway, now on to my opinon as
to why this film should not be made. While I am usually
excieted for Tarantino’s releases and could care less about Rodriguez,
i really did not care for Kill Bill. as much as I would have wanted to.
Mainly because it’s over indulgance of film references left me cold.
The whole point was not to show human emotion or even any story but to
mearely try and filter these things through a "duick-press" ( as
Tarantino puts it) and recylce it on screen. This was really kind of
cold. I did not feel a emotional connection because the film was trying
to hard to be ironic and self refencial. This is many of the criticims
that have always harped at Tarantino, but I agree with them on Kill
Bill. Tarantino should stick to making stories,. Watch his Charlie Rose
interview from the time "Pulp Fioction" came out. He talks of how stroy
lac ks in Hollywood and how that is waht he puts in his movies. He has
done this. Jackie Brown is a masterpiece because of its story. But Kill
Bill is almost Tarantino just rying to outdo what people believe
tarantno is all along. One who is all about recylcing movies and
choosing style over substance to makes movies cool for the Aint-it-cool
talk back crown( no offence). that is why I kind of dread GrindHouse.
It sesms as if he is taking this even further. Coming up with a purely
"high concept" film. But maybe it is just my mood. But with that and
Rodriguez segment, I am dreading a little( really, why do people think
he is a good filmaker?). Thanks for reading my letter!

Nick: The reason Grindhouse isn’t going to direct-to-video is because they’d have to cut their budget by a huge, huge margin. I’m personally excited about it because whether I totally agree with their decisions or like their films, Rodriguez and Tarantino are two of the more unique and special filmmaking talents this generation has. They are something to look forward to every couple of years, what Quentin’s going to cook up this time or what innovation Rodriguez will implement. I love that they’re out there.

Amateurs Hour (SEND A LETTER)

Mitch to the right.Adrian: Just a quick note to
thank you for putting us all on to The Amateurs in your most recent leak letters
– I sought it out and found it to be very cool – the IMDb could
really use a memorable quotes page there. It’s always nice to come across a
little known-gem, until that is it becomes a widely-recognised gem and movie
snobbery makes those who previously extolled its virtues slag it off whenever
the opportunity presents. Do keep up the awesomeness.

Nick: You sought it out? Please tell me you didn’t download it. I’ll punch you so hard. The film has played a bunch of festivals and currently resides in some odd Hell between not beng released on screens and not being released on video. I’m glad you dug it though. It’s really funny and really clever and the whole ensemble rocks the house. CHUD.com readers, keep an eye out for this when it does become available. It’s a great little movie. A little too tender at the end, but still lovely.

Discuss the Leak Letters here.