Society as a whole is a living, breathing machine.  There are, however, many little social interactions that make me a little more than peeved.  Females throughout the years have gotten the short end of the stick.  They have been basically slaves since the beginning of man, taking care of the house work, raising the kids, making sure the food is cooked and on the table.  In fact, it wasn’t until about a half of a century ago, they couldn’t vote.  The women’s liberation was formed to give women the authority and power they deserve.  I am all for equal rights, but if you want equal rights, you gotta take the crap that comes with it.

   A few days ago, my brother and I were enjoying a nice round of MGS3 on my Playstation, when the question of where to eat came up.  Completely staled by my endless days of health food and nutritional intake, I decided it was time to enjoy some nice grease.  We hopped in his Bronco and made our way to the nearest taco shop.  Taco shops are to southern California as pizza parlors are to Manhattan.  They even are scrutinized down to their every ingredient.  Any southern California resident has their favorite taco shop, and will never waiver on it. 

   I try to avoid riding as a passenger in my brother’s car every chance I get, but with rising gas prices I am willing to take one for the team.  On the bright side, there is no reason to attend a faire and ride a roller coaster, just simply ask my bro for a lift. 

   Once my head stopped spinning and my stomach settled down I proceeded into the tiny hole in the wall and began to place my order when a sudden urge came over me.  Spinning around to face my little brother, I let him know I had to hit the head before I exploded.  After ample time in the surprisingly clean bathroom stall, I emerged from the back hallway and started back to the line where my brother was standing.  A woman was filling up her drinks at the self serve fountain and I saw her glance in my direction.  Continuing on my path, I had every intention of walking behind her to meet up with my sibbling, when just as I was within a stride of her body, she wheeled around and took her tray to her seat.  She completely cut me off.  No sorry, no excuse me, pardon me, or anything of the like.  As I was forced to stop short and catch my momentum in keeping from toppling over, I shot a mouth-agape stare in her direction.  Didn’t turn around.  Like it never happened.

   This is not the first time something like this has happened.  I began to notice behavior such as this in many females when I was around fifteen years old.  Since then I have conducted many sociological experiments.  My hypothesis: Women, regardless of how injured, or decrepit you look, will always expect you to give them the right of way.  My first trial was simple; Walk directly in the path of a young lady, straight toward her like a game of chicken and see if she blinks.  Collision.  She had made no attempt to move, and when we collided she gave me the ass chewing of a lifetime.  How dare I not watch where I was walking.  I was going to get someone hurt.

   Experiment two; Had a friend use an ACE bandage around his knee and walk with a very convincing limp and retry the actions of experiment one.  Identical results.  Although I think I should mention that certain choice words were uttered by this young lady and I use the term ‘lady’ loosely since these weren’t words you are used to a lady using. 

   I have tried the same experiments countless times afterward and they all have yeilded the same results.  All in all it is safe to say my hypothesis is correct.

   Don’t get me wrong here, I love women.  But one of the things I have learned for sure regarding their personalities is that they have no idea what they want.  They say they want equal rights and fair treatment when compared to men.  So we give them their job opportunities, we give them NCAA Title 9, we give them their WNBA, but then at the end of the day, they still want doors opened for them, chairs pulled out, hands kissed, and our jackets when it is cold.  Sorry ladies, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

   At the end of the day, it is about finding balance.  And right now the balance is all out of whack.  For certain, women should not be treated as slaves that are required to stay home all day and cook and clean, but on the other hand, they also should not expect the same jobs as men, or the same sports.  The truth is, women want to be women.  Men want to be men.  That is why they want doors opened.  Not because they are lazy, but because it is who they are.  All females deep down want to be treated like a lady.  And as men, we want to open those doors and we want to comfort them when they are sad because that is who we are.  Deep down all men want to be protectors. 

   Too often we are jaded by the pressures of society to believe a certain way, when we really should just follow what is in our instincts.  We were made the way we were made.  Don’t fight instinct, embrace it.  Who cares what some commercial or TV show says, if you are a woman and all you want out of life is to stay at home and raise a family, then do it.  If you are a female and all you want to do is get a career and gain power, then be prepared to face a cold and bitter world.  That is the world of men.  Dog eat dog, and we have been living it our whole lives.  I only ask that if you choose that path, do not expect any special treatment, because you shall receive none, and don’t cry when you don’t get it because it is what you asked for.

Take care of yourselves people, don’t sit back and bitch about what happened yesterday, go out and make a better tomorrow.  Keep chewing in the sewer…