STUDIO: Warner
MSRP: $19.98
SPECIAL FEATURE: Theatrical Trailer

The Pitch

Felicity gets stalked by someone else for a change.

The Humans

Josh Schaefer (Runaway Daughters), Keri Russell (Honey I Blew Up the Kid), R.D. Robb (A Christmas Story), Mark Taylor (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids), Catherine Hicks (Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home)

The Nutshell

Teenaged Peter (Schaefer) decides to prove his love for girl-next-door Erica (Russell) by spending an entire summer standing on her front lawn and staring up at her bedroom window. Since this is a movie, he doesn’t go to jail.

"She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl."

The Lowdown

I owe Keri Russell an apology. Back when her TV show was on, I thought it was all about the hair, and I was one of the folks who tuned out when she cut it off. Who could have guessed what hotness was lurking within all those baggy sweaters and cargo pants? This movie has one purpose and one purpose only: to have her prance about in as many saucy, skimpy outfits as possible, and I am thankful for that.

Buying pre-shrunk is for wimps.

"Back off. I’m a big girl and I can tie my pants by myself."

"Check the oil?"

It’s too bad the film itself isn’t as tightly constructed. Peter watches his neighbors do weird things, humors his unfunny pseudo-stoner buddy (Robb), humiliates a dumb jock, catches the eye of a lonely divorcee (Hicks), accuses a man of murdering his wife, and by then the movie’s almost over. One thing that’s interesting is that Peter doesn’t mature, get sensitive, or grow beyond his hormonal urges, anything like that. His motivation remains purely sexual, right to the very end, which is actually more realistic than a lot of teen comedies out there.

They don’t hire just anyone to play Jessica Biel’s mom, y’know.

The Package

16:9 transfer, Dolby 2.0, trailer… and an asinine MPAA rating. For “strong sexual content and related dialogue,” eh?

Sure, the talk is explicit, but there’s no nudity or onscreen sex. Isn’t that what PG-13s are for? Jeez, back in the day Top Secret! got a straight PG, Anal Intruder and all! In Sheena: Queen of the Jungle– Tanya Roberts taking that full-frontal shower? Don’t say you don’t remember; it was P-effing-G so you have no excuse for missing out on it. Heck, 2001: A Space Odyssey had goddamn monkey men jumping around with their dicks hanging out and it’s a G! What does today’s MPAA have against perky nipples? I mean, every human being on the planet starts life having boobies literally shoved in his or her face, so it’s not exactly unnatural or immoral.

Even with an R, this flick sure took its sweet-ass time getting released on DVD. It can’t just be because Russell’s sweet ass (not to mention that of Ms. Hicks) was starring on a prime-time WB series back when the film was made: that didn’t stop Alyson Hannigan from practicing with her flute between seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, now did it?

I want answers. Or more gratuitous sunbathing scenes. Really, I’m fine either way.

Turkey’s done!

5 out of 10