With the drums of independence pounding in the distance, I’m going to take a short break for our founding fathers. You’ll still get your Bargain Bin, but I’ve folded next week’s massive load of four titles into this week’s shenanigans. If you’re angry, well, damn.

Hurtz Donut

UltravioletHow should I put this? Kurt Wimmer’s Ultraviolet (read Milla’s unhappy comments here) is disappointingly ornate. For the alleged promise he displayed during the chaotic action sequences of Equilibrium (read Nick’s A+ DVD review), it’s now been squandered on a pedestrian adventure that even William Fitchner can’t save. Not one to be on the level with dialogue and narrative developments, Ultraviolet has a paper penis-thin story about Milla Jovovich as a Vampire/Human hybrid who kicks ass and Cameron Bright because he happens to harbor THE CURE (I put it in caps because that’s how it’s alluded to, large and without resonance) that will transform all those Vamps back into rotting flesh piles. You’ll be flabbergasted with the gaffes and unbelievable moments, but only if you can trudge through the weighty ‘dramatic’ scenes to get to the uninspiring action. Even talking about the movie regurgitates horrific memories and sometimes not even ones from the movie. If you’re hankerin’ for a film in which the dastardly villain out of Saturday Morning Cartoons grimaces, saying “It is … ON,” then you’re already lost.

Be born into a world you may not understand – with:
- Audio commentary with Milla Jovovich
- "UV Protection: Making Ultraviolet" featurette
- Previews
- The Unrated, Extended Cut has 7 minutes of extra footage. Use caution and sure footing.

ROCKThe legend is Thor. And if you haven’t experienced the life-affirming greatness of Rock N Roll Nightmare, you haven’t lived. Period. Exclamation point. On a backwoods farm, a Housewife is eaten by a stove. 10 years instantly pass (it’d be better if you just went along with it, and don’t even bother questioning how in a place not been in a decade how a recording studio emerges). Pulling up by way of a large rocking van, a new breed of inhabitants, a new cavalcade of rockers surface, their chests heaving in triumph. The band Triton has arrived (baggage includes girlfriends and wonder-manager, Karl). Secluded away, it seems as if the large tuft of Jon-Mikl Thor is the only one enjoying himself (hell, even bass-extraordinaire Roger Eburt – yes you read it right, is taking his motherfucking honeymoon with some reservation). But things in life change, and with it comes the season of Zombies and other spawns of Hell, culminating in a battle scene so hilariously over-the-top that you’ll just have to see it to believe the rocking power of one of the best trashiest films ever made.

Live to ROCK – with:
- A new widescreen high-definition (1.78:1) transfer from the original 35mm camera negative
- New Dolby Digital 5.1 surround soundtrack re-mixed for this home video release (along with the film’s original Dolby 2.0 mix)
- Audio commentary with Director John Fasano and Heavy Metal Icon Jon-Mikl Thor
- A new Video Introduction and Afterword by Jon-Mikl Thor!
- 2 featurettes (Revelations of a Rock ‘n’ Roll Warrior and Creating a Child-Wolf)
- Rock ‘n’ Shock Memories – Rare footage from set of Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare
- Liner notes by Ian Jane
- Music videos (for Energy and We Live to Rock)
- Theatrical Trailer

CACHEMichael Haneke’s films often make you feel deeply uncomfortable. In fact, that’s an understatement. For anyone who’s ever sat through The Piano Teacher or even Funny Games, you’ll know that Haneke’s particular brand of imagery is ruthless cranked up to 11 with a dash of rectal rape (just a dash, mind you). With Cache (Hidden), you can’t accuse of Haneke of slowing down or even being less self-referential with his work and his themes (one being exploring the nature of violence on the audience, turning those tables to sadistic use in Funny Games). One might wish to watch closely as a petty Bourgeois family living in Paris is instantly and efficiently terrorized when a series of packages (drawings, videotapes, etc) are left on their doorstep, each one more personal in meaning. Haneke pulls out all the stops to expose what it means to be deceived (Russ saw it at Toronto here) and most likely you’ll be pondering the final shot to your own final day.

Have a disturbing evening – with:
- A documentary on director Michael Haneke
- Behind the scenes of Cache
- Trailers

FIGHTEugene Jarecki’s Why We Fight (check out Russ’ Toronto comments) opens against the chillingly prophetic warning of departing President Eishenhower’s speech that America must “guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence… by the military-industrial complex.” Jarecki, who brought us the fascinating Trials of Henry Kissinger (which pretty made the case for his War Crimes trial), focuses on our own pursuits that we’ve used to both prevent war and wage it across several continents. Bathing the film in the context of Frank Capra’s own inspiring informational docs during WW2, Jarecki doesn’t unwarrant his own biases against the state of our military and those who both profit and are decimated by it. Combining a plethora of important footage to back up his points (including a subplot involving two men who are undoubtedly changed by it), Why We Fight is not only an interesting take into the ramifications of the evolution of our system but also because it’s riveting as all hell.

“I’m not doing this anymore.” – with:
- Audio commentary with Eugene Karecki and Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson
- Extended character featurettes
- Some extra scenes
- Audience Q&A with filmmaker
- Filmmaker TV appearances: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Charlie Rose
- Trailers

DEER WOMAN It’s no secret that many were underwhelmed by the recent Masters of Horror series, as there’s only a minute amount of titles that I enjoyed. One of those was John Landis’ contribution, Deer Woman (read his interview with Devin). Landis, as you know, has had a tough time with his recent cinematic endeavors but Deer Woman places him back in two vaguely familiar territories – working with family (his son co-wrote the episode) and bringing nudity back where it belongs; in the home. Granted, there are more, but Deer Woman’s pursuit to rile up the feelings long vacant from Landis’ exile are welcome. Even if you can get past the fairly stodgy performance from Brian Benben’s gruff detective hunting down the elusive Native American myth, you might discover that there’s a lot to be enthused about. Landis’ trademark witticisms come full circle and his equal balance of comedy and death elevates it above most of the other segments in the series.

SICK GIRLOn the flipside there’s Lucky McKee’s entry Sick Girl. I skipped out on this one (and many) because the enthusiasm wasn’t there anymore (hopefully Season 2 reanimates the ante). McKee uses Angela Bettis again as a “shy entomologist whose drab life is changed by the simultaneous arrival of a large, mysterious bug and a torrid affair with a sexy young woman.” So that has to account for something, right? I’m not sure, but I truly thought his May was an interesting foray into the genre, so I suppose now is the time where I can kick myself for not having seen Sick Girl the first time. I have no idea what I might be getting into.

Deer Woman has:
- Audio commentary with Brian Benben and Anthony Griffith
- Fantasy Film Festival: Mick Garris interviews John Landis
- 3 featurettes (Animal Hooves – An Interview with John Landis, Working With A Master: John Landis, and Behind The Scenes: The Making of Deer Woman)
- 3 On-Set Interviews (Brian Benben, Anthony Griffith, and Cinthia Moura)
- John Landis Bio
- Still Gallery
- DVD-ROM Screenplay and Screensaver
- Trailers

Sick Girl has:
- Audio commentary with McKee, Composer Jaye Barnes Luckett, and Actors Angela Bettis and Jesse Hlubik
- 3 featurettes (Blood, Bugs and Romance – An Interview with Lucky McKee, Working With A Master: Lucky McKee, and Behind The Scenes: The Making of Sick Girl)
- 3 On-Set Interviews (Angela Bettis, Erin Brown, and Brad MacDonald)
- Lucky McKee Bio
- Still Gallery
- DVD-ROM Screenplay and Screensaver
- Trailers

FIND HIMSidney Lumet’s been having a terrible time lately with his films, Find Me Guilty included (you remember his Gloria remake?). The consummate Director (whose book Making Moviesbuy it from CHUD here, is one of the better books on the craft) has appeared to coax the greatest performance out of Vin Diesel, but alas, the story doesn’t inspire much confidence in my arse to jump up and plunk down into the viewing seat. Lumet’s ‘comedy-drama’ is about the longest running criminal trial in US History, as Diesel’s Giacomo "Jackie Dee" DiNorscio decides to buck caution into the wind and represent himself over the course of a friggin’ long year. Instead of ratting out his Lucchese syndicate members, Diesel’s wild free-flowing mane comically finagles around Lumet’s own previous experience (as in 12 Angry Men and the amazing Verdict) to bring something so strange, I still can’t muster any feelings for it, like girls to me. Find Me Guilty could prove me wrong, but for now the beefy Deeze will just have to continue haunting my daymares.

Talk, look, and act like an asshole – with:
- "Conversations with Sidney Lumet" featurette
- Trailer and TV spots

ANNAPOLISJustin Lin went from Better Luck Tomorrow to the mediocre masculinity of Annapolis (read Devin’s negative review) and then onward to the high-octane low-expectations of Faster And Furiouser Than The Two Times Before It. Plus, he’ll eventually be doing the Americanized Oldboy. I suppose it’s time to be concerned as Lin’s Annapolis is a very slick and loud film filled with explosions and clichés that ricochet across the schoolyard like the asscracks of the young and buoyant on the swing set. Franco (when not making shorts about Monkeys – click), also appears to want to prove to daddy that he can make it in the big, bad Naval academy that breaks cadets like I do to Pop Tarts. That’s before Tyrese can have anything to say about it; the pair going head to head everywhere until the boxing ring calls out its signature siren. You know where it’s all going from there, and so does Lin. His visuals pop and crackle, but it’s all moot when there’s a little thing called story comes into play. For Annapolis, it all runs away. Which is what you’ll probably be doing also.

Why are you here? – with:
- Audio commentary with Justin Lin and Writer David Collard
- Some deleted scenes with optional Lin commentary
- "Plebe Year: The Story of Annapolis" featurette
- "The Brigades" – An in-depth look at the boxing sequences, including training, choreography and camera techniques
- Previews

EVILWash Mikael Håfström’s Derailed out of your memories with his Swedish film Evil, a far more convincing portrayal of what makes the nasties go ‘round. From Swedish author Jan Guillou (not that it means anything to some, but if you’ve read it congrats!) comes the boiling story of Erik Ponti (son of Carlo?), who confronts the nefarious demons ruling both past and present. Thrusting nature versus nurture into the debate and pummeling it all into dust, Erik looks at each situation with a fist in his hand and a spring in his step. He’ll most likely beat you with both. Credit that to an abusive stepfather and a fractured mother, who’ll inform little more than who he truly is. What strikes me most truthful about the film is its roots in evil, how it begets itself multi-folded for the world to see. Håfström’s subtle leanings are no match for his American film (although hopefully we’ll see something more suitable for him in the future), so stock up and donkey-punch everything in sight.

Redrum – with:
- Some deleted scenes
- "Making of: The Truth Behind Evil" featurette
- Trailers

YELLOWAn interesting concoction of Monty Python (Graham Chapman both wrote and starred; cameos by Idle & Cleese), Cheech & Chong, Mel Brooks (for Marty Feldman, Madeline ‘KAHN!,’ and Peter Boyle), and David Bowie (for the uncredited shark), Yellowbeard has several righteous elements that should elevate it into some comedic echelon. Except it doesn’t reach the madcap heights it sets out to plunder. Chapman, as the titular “pirate’s pirate”, sets sail for adventure (after being let out of prison for tax evasion) and finds out he has an “intellectual son,” aged 20. Forced to put off the search for his treasure, the bearded one is in a position to have to take along his spawning (since mom tattooed the map on his head). In all seriousness, the plot is stitched together to take full advantage of the parodies it lampoons, no mind being paid to the smiles in your dungarees you’ve received like it were Uncle Andy’s Fun Time Party all over again.

Prawn of my loins, my foot! – with:
- A terribly underdeveloped transfer (from a non-HD source) with one menu screen.

You can also expect these fine treasures on Tuesday, the imperative word being “fine.” Make sure to check out Devin’s negative review of Failure to Launch (here), then fire your cannons at Nick’s DVD review (and horrendous Cover Art) of Commander in Chief: 2-Disc Inaugural Edition Part One (right here); remember Part 2 is out in September), yell out to the nostalgia Gods with David’s Step by Step: TV Favorites DVD review (here), and finally get all weepy-eyed at the sight of Tyler Perry, back again and stinking up the joint (except LionsGate’s vaults) in Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion.


These Are Out Next Week

You get that? As in these next four titles come out on 7.04.06. These are it (besides Charlie’s Angels: Season Three, but does anyone care?). Nothing else. So I’m going to take a break (expect a Holiday Bargain Bin that Sunday) and enjoy catching up on hundreds of babies that my stomach has been rumbling for.

MATADORThey’re selling The Matador as an action film, but it’s really a comedy first, then a drama (read Devin’s interview with Brosnan). Absolutely nothing on the Cover will clue you into the buddy interplay between Kinnear and Broson (who is at his best, playing a shell of a shell here). Kinnear’s salesman is almost enough to forgive him for his multitude of poopy films he’s been a part of recently, which almost sees himself free up in a Dear God mode (kidding!). Richard Shepard’s story, which has Brosnan’s hitman Julian Noble becoming mighty friendly with Kinnear’s down-on-his luck businessman Danny Wright in a Mexico City bar, is a fairly entertaining romp that presents good characters. It doesn’t hurt that things get thrown off-kilter once Brosnan rings up Kinnear in his Denver abode, broken and midlife crisis-ridden with the weight of the world. If anything, The Matador has some great coarse language (twat’s a plenty, and consider it my new band name) and a towering “in-your-face-mutha!” performance by the man whose martini’s were like a night out with bucktoothed hydras.

Be as serious as an erection problem – with:
- Audio commentary with Writer/Director Richard Shepard
- Audio commentary with Shepard and Brosnan and Kinnear
- 11 deleted and extended scenes with optional Shepard commentary
- "Making The Matador" featurette
- Audio-only "The Business and the Treatment" radio program discussing The Matador
- TV Spots and Trailers

LIBERTINEI remember those trailers with Depp saying “you will not like me” and that lead me to believe some Schmuck out there believing it. The fact remains that The Libertine (out on 7.04.06) is a truly strange picture (Devin mentioned on our MB’s that “If this movie was a person I would have curbed it Edward Norton style”). Washed out in a cross section of muted 17th century Londonian colors (like fluorescent brown and awesome death black), Depp’s John Wilmot, otherwise known as the Earl of Rochester, drinks and screws his way to the grave while working on prose in between wrestling with whatever STD was in fashion that week. Whereas that’s still en vogue, one can only sit back and wallow in the self-deprecating pity on display as Depp treats everyone as cruelly as his penis smashes through vaginal walls. Flopping left and right and everywhere in sight, Wilmot’s excesses are a means of expression, but it was of little consequences to the big man, and I don’t mean King Charles II, but Mr. Grim. Word has been absolutely positively mixed (skewing towards the negative danger zone), so take everything with a grain of salt or whatever it is you put on to clear your privates.

Well freeze my piss – with:
- Audio commentary with Director Laurence Dunmore
- Some deleted scenes with optional Dunmore commentary
- A making-of documentary: Capturing the Libertine
- Theatrical Trailer

STONEDStephen Woolley had a tremendous fortune in shaping both his and Neil Jordan’s films (he produced them, yank!) and then came the moment when it was time for Woolley to try his own hand of image molding. The end result, Stoned (out on 7.04.06, and read Devin’s negative review), is bewildering. The general mystery surrounding original Rolling Stone founder Brian Jones has held up for quite a while, as Woolley mines the clichéd depths of scoring drug-addled benders against the woozy White Rabbit (yes, I suppose this is still done). The final weeks of Jones’ life are on full display, but one wonders if an unrealistic amount of ridiculously odd wigs were there, and if everyone was over-acting beyond a reasonable doubt. Scratching your own head against the confines of adequacy, Stoned is a messy film that needs no introduction to those thinking this is the be-all end-all. If it were, everyone would be in a tragic state of blandness.

Get (No) Satisfaction – with:
- Nothing!

MARILYN HOTCHKISSOriginally as a short film, Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School (out on 7.04.06) lead to the completion of the feature-length film with a plethora of stars. I feel like Australia has a thing for dancing movies interspersed with comedy (look at Strictly Ballroom, which I thoroughly enjoy, or even Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome), and Director Randall Miller (who brought us the cinematic three-peat of Houseguest, Class Act, and the 6th Man), who isn’t Australian, populates the film with nobody from that country either. So consider me peeved. The odd largess of the title is quite evident throughout the allegedly abundant story, as Robert Carlyle finds an accident scene where John Goodman informs him of a rendezvous with a childhood sweetheart at Hotchkiss’ place. From there, he jumps into the situation with relative gusto, as Miller cuts between everything from Goodman’s own childhood to Carlyle’s misadventures into charm schooling at the expense of the plot. Miller, wrapping everything in a quirky bow, neither envelopes it in rose-colored glasses or bends our minds. He does, however, bring us back David Paymer, Donnie Wahlberg, and Ernie Hudson, so my life can be whole once again.

Two Men enter, one Man leaves – with:
- Audio commentary with Miller
- Short Film: Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School
- Trailers

Coming Soon

UNITED 93 There are those movies which divide audiences, bringing unnerved sensitivities to light in new artistic endeavors. United 93 (read Russ’ positive review) is the most recent example of this, simply because there are those for whom that day meant so much and for those for whom that day was distant, but within their hearts. Coincidentally, I find that the latter is the most vocal in their arguments against creative works in the light of the wounds of time (they’d rather not have it be so soon). But for the remaining familial ones for whom the doomed flight on the morning of that fateful day Paul Greengrass has made a fitting tribute to their heroism and loss. There’s generally a question of exploitation with such a subject and I’m not entirely sure that’s a good caveat for me to even be expounding on. It’s so subjective and I to this day am still grappling with it. There are moments when I am for it and others against it, pulling my own opinions. The one thing I think many will agree on is Greengrass’ film is one of weighty power, of a respect and reverence that will unnerve you to your core. United 93 is out on 9.06.06.

Tentative extras include:
- Audio commentary with Paul Greengrass
- Documentary: United 93 – The Families and the Film

Thanks to dvdtimes.co.uk for the pre-final Artwork.

Heaping on more, you can expect the mighty sci-fi adventure This Island Earth on 8.22.06, the underwhelming Stay Alive on 9.19.06, and the inner prepubescent skeezebag in all of you to bust out of your jiggly pants with Baywatch, both seasons arriving on 10.03.06.


Finally, in the ‘do we really need another?’ file (that’s days late), there’s the recent announcement of the Lord of the Rings: Limited Editions (out on 8.29.06). Each 2-Disc LE will have both the Theatrical and Extended Cuts of PJ’s magnum opus, while each second disc will have exclusive documentaries produced by some dude named Costa Botes. There will be more than 300 unconfirmed minutes of extra unseen footage based around the trials and tribulations of bringing the works to the screen. If this floats your Middle-Earth boat, then by all means, battle your way to get it.

All You Do Is Copy

MI 3In what can surely be seen as a proper indicator for us USA peoples, Mission: Impossible 3 arrives in the UK on 11.13.06, just in time for the Holidaze. In fact, we (meaning Nick, Russ, and Micah) tag-teamed the hell out of it here and then there’s Devin, with his negative rebuttal right here. For all of Tom Cruise’s shenanigans this past year, you have to keep it all separate (I know it’s hard, but it can be done). There’s a clear delineation between the art and the artist, and although I’ll admit I get caught up in it every so often, I find that most of the time those we look up to are much different that in our minds. Keeping J.J. Abram’s Mission: Impossible 3 separate is no gargantuan task, because as a whole the movie is fairly relentless the first time and the second the plot slows down somewhat, presenting a true Alias episode with a much-bigger budget. It’s much, much better than whatever sentient life-form took over John Woo for M:I 2 although I hold a soft-spot for DePalma’s immaculate framing antics in the inaugural edition. M:i:3 (I dislike the symbol) is immensely enjoyable, which puts me at odds with people whose opinions I admire. Not that it bothers me much, as Cruise’s IMF exploits take him from Vatican City to Berlin and Hong Kong and back while battling with PSH and his elusive Rabbit’s Foot, although I wish it had been the Athletes.

You don’t think I’ll do it! – with:
- Extras are TBA.

This is a Region 2 PAL DVD.

I’ll be damned at this wonky Cover Art for Tristram Shandy (known to our England contingent as A Cock and Bull Story, arriving 7.10.06 in the UK) and the umpteenth reincarnation of James Bond, this time with the Ultimate Editions tucked safely away in their attaché case (blowing you away on 7.17.06, also for Queen and Country).


Stock Boys

Here’s where we keep what came out previously.

Have Eyes: Unrated
, Syriana, Equinox: Criterion Collection,
, Eight Below, Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight, Modern
, Loved One, Fine Madness, Petulia, Omen:
Collector’s Edition
, Clark Gable Signature Collection
(with Mogambo, San Francisco, Boom Town, Wife
vs. Secretary
, Dancing Lady, and China
), Superboy: Season One, Superman: Animated Series: Season Three,
& Clark: Season Three
, Justice League: Season Three, Lady
and the Tramp II
, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape: SE, NewsRadio:
Season Four
, and the Charlie Chan Collection. Read last
weeks’ Special Edition right here, maggot.

Kiss Bang Bang
(Nick’s DVD review),
Chappelle’s Block Party
, Cemetery Man (Nick’s DVD review),
Fastest Indian
, 16 Blocks (David’s DVD review),
, Green Street Hooligans (Dave’s DVD review),
Young: Heart of Gold
, End of the Spear, Aquamarine,
& Butthead: Mike Judge Collection Vol. 2
, Princess Bride: Special Edition,
in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
, Coach: Season One, Medium:
Season One
, Room 6 (Thor’s DVD review),
Texas Ranger: Season One
, Betty Grable Collection, Valley
of the Dolls: Special Edition
, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: Special
. Scroll down through the heartbreak in the old Special Edition right here.

All-New Updated Daily CHUD DVD Reviews Forum
Our General Hyperbolic DVD Discussion Forum

Clash of the Tartans

Click. Read. Feel like Peter Weller in Leviathan.

Bargain Bin

Pledge allegiance to The Bin, of the United Sellers of America. And to The Bin, for which it stands, one nation, under capitalists, for discounts and mark-downs for all.

Check out some of the SE’s approved multi-region DVD retailers:
xploitedcinema.com, HkFlix.com, diabolikdvd.com, DDDHouse, and YesAsia.com

You must read THIS MESSAGE BOARD THREAD if you want other Region Free DVD options.

Ultraviolet: Unrated is $23.87
Rock n Roll Nightmare: SE is $16.60
Why We Fight is $21.61
Annapolis is $21.77
Cache (Hidden) is $22.88
Find Me Guilty is $20.88
MoH: Deer Woman is $10.19
MoH: Sick Girl is $17.99
Evil is $20.46
Failure to Launch is $21.72
Yellowbeard is $9.50
Strangers with Candy: Complete Series is $41.14
Commander in Chief: Part One is $21.77
Santa Claws: SE is $8.96
Planet of the Apes: Ultimate Collection is $81.80
Advise & Consent, Captain Blood, Dead Simple: SE, and The Thin Man are all $9.97/each

Failure to Launch is $15.99 (click here)
Ultraviolet is $16.99 (click here)
Batman Begins: SE (2-disc) is $14.99 (click here)
Young Adam is $9.97 (click here)

Ultraviolet: Unrated is $17.99
Rock n Roll Nightmare: SE is $22.49
Why We Fight is $16.19
Annapolis is $16.99
Cache (Hidden) is $17.49
Find Me Guilty is $19.99
MoH: Deer Woman is $12.69
MoH: Sick Girl is $12.69
Evil is $20.19
Failure to Launch is $16.99
Madea’s Family Reunion is $16.99
Yellowbeard is $11.19
Strangers with Candy: Complete Series is $38.99
Commander in Chief: Part One is $19.99
Monk: Season 4 is $34.99
DVDs – Charlotte’s Web, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Zoolander, Sleepy
Hollow, Ocean’s Eleven, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, What Women Want
Longest Yard