After watching (or fast-forwarding through) five seasons now, I’ve determined that the TV show 24 is a complete and utter failure at being an effective suspense-action-drama. It is, however, the greatest sitcom on television. If the show wasn’t so hilariously and unintentionally retarded, it’d be downright unwatchable — I’ve laughed myself nauseous at the preposterous "twists". Internal strife at CTU! Difficult decisions for authority figures! Jack is doublecrossed! More moles than a Rachel McAdams lookalike contest! Characters whose sole motivation is to provide obstacles! And don’t forget the kidnappings! Lots and lots of kidnappings!

And now Fox will condense those 24 overly padded, sketchily written hours into 120 minutes, ditching the "real time" aspect to focus solely on Keifer Sutherland’s badass government agent shooting holes in terrorists (which also means the movie probably won’t be called 24). How long into the film before Jack shouts “Dammit!” or tortures someone (quite possibly a co-worker – this guy would be loads of giggles in a regular office environment) and screams “Tell me what you know!”, we can only guess.

The producers are hoping to start filming next year after season six of the show, which is when the film’s story would take place (sort of a spoiler for anyone who thought Bauer would actually get killed off next season). Sounds like a good idea, but Jack can tell you about what happens with the best laid plans. And then he’ll punch you in the throat.