Hello, I’m late.
The end of May is upon is, and in terms of DVDs, this is such a non-week. If you’re duly prepared, take a look at June’s first batch of gooey offerings for your rumbling viewing pit (click here and scroll some) – and quickly realize, like a bad monetary relationship we’re all screwed.
If you’re foolish to venture into Date Movie without any reservations – may Joss Aklund have mercy on your bones. If a movie trumpets itself “from the 2 of the 6 writers” of the horrendous Scary Movie franchise, one should expect telegraphed jokes, scarily unfunny situations, and even the reanimated corpse of J.T. Walsh to get caught up in the shenanigans. A heavy reliance on all things subpar – from Alyson Hannigan in a fat suit gyrating her hips to Kelis’ Milkshake and Fred Willard and Jennifer Coolidge demeaning themselves – keep what’s left of a plot afloat as you drift off into a pedestrian stupor. Not that these narrative events matter, as the gross-out gags that aren’t gross or even gags thump around on the floor like a goldfish preening for William Wallace’s freedom. In the end, if you’re still even remotely interested in Date Movie, you’ll be happy to know the Unrated version is 84 minutes, while the PG-13 theatrical cut is 83. Those are 5,040 seconds to realize your grave mistake.
Yo fellas, time to pimp her out – with:
- Unrated and Rated (fullscreen only) versions
- Audio commentary with director/co-writer Aaron Seltzer and co-writer Jason Friedberg
- Audio commentary with stars Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Sophie Monk and more
- "Anti-Commentary" by critics Scott Foundas and Bob Strauss
- 12 deleted/extended/alternate scenes
- Andy’s poolside extended dailies
- 2 featurettes (On Dating and Making a Spoof)
- Audition tapes and a Set Top Game
- "The Quickie" – Date Movie in six minutes
- Optional laugh track, romantic screensavers & more.
No word on whether your own morality will recover from watching.
Darren McGavin’s original Kolchak: The Night Stalker (read Dave’s DVD review) and its prescient supernatural mumbo-jumbo stretching through the streets of downtown Chicago is still fun. Naturally, that meant it was high-time for an updating, the somewhat watchable, but entirely unwatchable Night Stalker (read Devin’s interview with creator Frank Spotnitz here). Stuart Townsend wrestles the Kolchak role away from the deceased McGavin, and re-transplants the action into a television-series friendly Los Angeles, home of the throngs of emaciated and undead. Paired with ex-cheerleader Gabrielle Union, Townsend uses his particular brand of restrained sleuthing to infiltrate a series of bizarre murders that might have something to do with the death of his own wife, months prior. For those already in the know, your series was cancelled due to low ratings and expectations. Cutting you off right in the middle of a two-part episode was a wondrous situation to be thrust into, but now with the entire Series (all 10 episodes) spread out over 2 discs, you can finally learn what happened to Kolchak and if the FBI takes out their aggression all over his acne-free face.
A well-done autopsy is a joy forever – with:
- No extras.
Oliver Stone’s Platoon isn’t his best film, but it might be his most personal; based on his experiences wading through the shit in ‘Nam. It’s been 20 years since the film exploded its particular mortar through the night sky, and in those hours since it still hasn’t lost its jarring quality. Believe it or not, a group of kids growing up in the North East seemingly referred to this film when making their own pseudo-VHS film about the Vietnam conflict, injecting their own shaky understandings into the woodsy tale of soldiers learning to live with their own demons. My friends and I were definitely not old enough to fully get it, but Stone, on the other hand, fully relishes his role with a stern confidence and unpretentious visual hand guiding Sheen’s grunt against sadistic Berenger’s call to duty. I’m not sure if we needed yet another version of Platoon on DVD (this DVD adds 11 minutes to the print), partly because its extras aren’t quite anything to write home about.
Take the pain! – with:
- Audio commentary with Stone
- Audio commentary with Military Advisor Dale Dye
- Some deleted scenes with optional commentary with Stone
- 6 featurettes (Creating the ‘Nam, One War, Many Stories, Raw Wounds: The Legacy of Platoon, Snapshot in Time: 1967-1968, Preparing for ‘Nam, and Tour of the Inferno)
- TV Spots and Stills Gallery
- Theatrical Trailers
I guess Universal is calling Riddick a complete trilogy now with the bridging of Pitch Black and Chronicles with the animated film Dark Fury – The Chronicles of Riddick in their multi-film set The Chronicles of Riddick Trilogy. Dark Fury’s 35 minute running time brings back all of the original voices from the films, including the Dizzels, as Aeon Flux’s Peter Chung draws in the lines connecting the films with his signature style. I never got around to Dark Fury, probably because filling in the gap requires a suspension of disbelief, because unless this is Toon Town, or even Geppetto’s shop, the hand-drawn lines aren’t changing into Twohy-sized busters of dialogue and action. One has to wonder why Universal didn’t want to include Chronicles of Riddick – Escape from Butcher Bay on this one either. Plus, all those extras still won’t change the fact that Chronicles of Riddick is one bloated film, oozing out all of its silly plot developments in an over-the-top excess of crumbling sci-fi ectoplasm. At least Colm Feore is there to save, or should I say destroy, the day and some shoddy CGI souls in the Director’s Cut process.
Forget to lock the cellar – with:
- Audio Commentary with Vin Diesel, Cole Hauser and Director David Twohy (Pitch Black)
- Audio Commentary with Director David Twohy, Producer Tom Engleman and Visual Effects Supervisor Peter Chiang (Pitch Black)
- The features The Johns Chase Log, The Making of Pitch Black, and A View Into the Dark (Pitch Black)
- Dark Fury: Advancing the Arc (Pitch Black)
- The Chronicles of Riddick Visual Encyclopedia (Pitch Black)
- From Pitch Black to The Chronicles of Riddick: Bridging the Gap (Dark Fury)
- Peter Chung – The Mind of an Animator (Dark Fury)
- Into the Light (Dark Fury)
- Audio commentary with Writer/Director David Twohy and Actors Karl Urban & Alex Davalos (Chronicles)
- Some deleted scenes (Chronicles)
- Virtual Guide to The Chronicles of Riddick (Chronicles)
- The features Toomb’s Chase Log, Riddick Insider, Visual Effects Revealed, and Vin Diesel’s Guided Tour (Chronicles)
- Interactive 360° View of the Sets (Chronicles)
Stephen Tobolowsky is the perennial character actor, always known to many as “that guy in that film.” His balding presence has lent credence to a countless number of films like Groundhog Day, Mississippi Burning, Spaceballs (“You Idiots! You’ve captured their Stunt Doubles!”), and even Sneakers. Sometimes playing third-fiddle to a voracious range of actors, Tobolowsky never faltered, but has never seen his name plastered above the lights up high. Stephen Tobolowsky’s Birthday Party sneaked by without much fanfare, but now it’s available on video – the independent feature with Tobolowsky intimately recounting, My Dinner with Andre-style, a lion’s share of vivid Hollywood memories. From the times he tried LSD and spoke with a dog, to being good friends with Stevie Ray Vaughn, Tobolowsky’s tales are sheer insanity with a beer-boiled sausage chaser. So, in the words of his Memento character, “test this, you fucking quack!”
My Voice is my Passport – with:
- Some deleted scenes (running longer than the movie itself)
Every single time I went to a theatre last winter I was bombarded with the incredibly unappealing Freedomland trailer. There was the rousing music, the Julianne Moore “I need – my son!” shaking she summarily does with her eyes closed and Samuel L. Jackson’s integral “you’re not telling me everything, are you?” bitch-slap stare. It was coolly calculated to make me steer clear of the theatre, considering its ho-hum plot revolved around Moore allegedly losing her son to a Black man and being the Whitey she is, promptly enraging race relations. It’s incredibly evident that either (a) Moore is dreaming it all up, (b) the aliens from Forgotten came back and took yet another child from her child-services hatin’ clutches, (c) she brutally murdered her son and disposed of the body, or even (d) William Forsythe just ate the kid. He was hungry. Not that any of my hypotheses mean bubkis as former Revolution Studios topper Joe Roth pulls up his director’s chair and goes about making you uninterested once again.
Thanks a lot, brotherfucker – with:
There was a time when Burt Reynolds and his masculine moustache was a top box office draw – look at 1977’s Semi-Tough. It just so happens that Universal is out to rectify that again with their re-re-release of Smokey and the Bandit: Special Edition. There are times when watching Hal Needham’s Trans-Am opus where you just shake your head and wonder how many drugs the production was careening on. Like when Reynolds winks at the camera, burning rubber faster than he did during the Striptease shoot. But unlike the former, there’s a mild sense of amusement prevalent throughout Smokey’s ludicrously racist adventures battling Jackie Gleason’s Buford T. Justice, enough to make you feel like a natural redneck. Reynold’s iconic ten-gallon hat and his flashy pearly whites aren’t any match for anyone necessarily, unless the U.N. should need anything to divide cultures. Lastly, it should be noted that Universal is back to (or continuing) their old labeling tricks. Adding two measly little extras isn’t what should have been. Adding a deluxe fake moustache to every DVD? That’s heavenly.
Punch Yo Momma in Da Mouth – with:
- "Loaded Up and Truckin’ – The Making of Smokey and the Bandit" featurette
- Snowman, What’s Your 20? – The Smokey and the Bandit CB Tutorial
Watching Alf, I was remiss to remember the opening credits where Captain Melmac scurried off into the distance, his horrifically evil hairy stubs carrying him into the background and lurching my lunch right out of my estomach. I don’t scream often, unless Robert Blake is smacking his lips and videotaping me, but the Alf-made sounds often escaped, ricocheting into my own soul. Watching it over and over some more is the stuff nightmares are made of, and with Alf: Season Three, it’s going to be re-haunting my dreams. I could never fully understand why the Tanner family would want to take Gordon into their own homes, especially since he’s all about eating furry pussies. Besides watching TV, burping, and finding minute things funny, Alf might have even been a benchmark for a former roommate or two. Bad memories. Unhinging it all off quicker than the seemingly pedestrian plotlines throughout the entire 4 Seasons, at least writing this has reminded myself not to dream anymore.
Carl Jung was a big weenyhead – with:
- Interactive menus hosted by Alf (note to DVD producers – this is NOT a Special Feature)
Largely considered to be one of Adult Swim’s most original programs – The Venture Bros.: Season One (read Dave’s DVD review), is coming to dumb-down some more with sex and daddy issues. For a show that makes its main character, Dr. V (voiced by Hal Hartley’s own James Urbaniak), loose his kidneys right off the bat, you’ve got to give it up, unless your own are submerged in a tub somewhere. The post-Kennedy-era insanity has the Brothers failing at life at all costs – even believing that Dr. Venture’s stomach tumor is a pregnancy – throughout several atrocities so unmentionable, I can’t even remember. Protecting the Talk-backiness imbedded into the Brother’s brains is the CIA Agent turned bodyguard Brock Sampson (voiced by Patrick Warburton), as the show veers in all sorts of directions, lampooning everything from Johnny Quest, David Bowie, and having a little girl as Hitler. You might be hooked; line and sinker, within several minutes, or it might grow on you like the festering filth that surrounds you. In many ways The Venture Brothers reminds me absolutely nothing about my own life. End.
Don’t encourage them – with:
- All 13 episodes on 2 discs
- Audio commentaries by Cast & Crew on Eeney, Meeney, Miney…Magic!, Tag Sale–You’re It!, Ghosts Of The Sargasso, Return To Spider-Skull Island, and the bonus pilot episode The Terrible Secret Of Turtle Bay.
- Show pilot: The Terrible Secret of Turtle Bay
- Bonus episode: "A Very Venture Christmas"
- Some deleted scenes
- Behind the scenes of the live-action movie
Bette Davis has always freaked me out, knowing that her eyes tore bodies into corpses left and right. Even more unsettling is her frightening turn in Robert Aldrich’s What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, which really needs to be seen to be believed. Struck rich in atmospheric danger, Davis goes head-to-head with heady acting competitor Joan Crawford for a macabre tale filled with nightmare-inducing imagery (try shaking Davis singing with pancake makeup on out of your frigid head). And that’s just one of the great titles in The Bette Davis Collection Volume 2 (read Eileen’s DVD reviews of Volume One here and await her review for Volume 2!). As for William Wyler’s Jezebel, Davis turns in a hauntingly focused performance as the controlling socialite seeking better accommodations throwing Henry Fonda to the side. The rest, like Man Who Came to Dinner, Old Acquaintance, and Marked Woman might have improved with age, but my nubile self has yet to fully immerse itself like many other things (like the ability to pummel 80’s songs at moment’s notice).
With each raging BBQ session this past weekend, and hands being fricasseed into charbroiled chalk, some are probably going to want to take a breather and let that second layer of skin grow back. Consider these other titles to help dull or enflame the pain. For a quick last minute note in history, John Wayne’s completely campy The Conqueror, where he dons a Genghis Khan moustache and hams up Howard Hughes’ place, is indeed included on his Icon set.
Are you for real?
It’s no secret that Ridley Scott wasn’t happy with the debacle surrounding Blade Runner. It’s also not classified that the Director’s Cut you have sitting on your self really isn’t what Scott had intended, due to a backlog of rights issues and squabbles. Scott famously complained that he was rushed faster than he normally would’ve liked. Warner is now seeing to it that everyone no longer disparaging as their Blade Runner: Final Cut should see the light of android day sometime in 2007, but not before newly cut prints of Scott’s Final Cut (which he’s been working on forever) can roam their way around the country, and ‘Rome around the world.’ The Ultimate Blade Runner DVD will be a multi-disc affair, tentatively looking at containing several versions of the film (the original theatrical cut, the extended international cut, the 1992 (not really the) Director’s Cut, and this 2006 Final Cut), and a cacophony of soon-to-be-announced extras. They’re so secret, even my tiny insignificant regurgitating skills cannot seek and destroy. But it is coming, and I’m sure Vangelis’ epic synth score will feel like a 5.1 revelation all over again.
Tell me about your Mother! – with:
- Every additional feature will be announced soon, but you should know (and be incredibly ecstatic) that DVD Producer Charles de Lauzirika and his team, who worked incredibly hard on the stunning Kingdom of Heaven: 4-Disc Director’s Cut and the Alien: Quadrilogy, are pouring over the materials as you read this.
I didn’t get to see Brick and boy, does that piss me off. Rian Johnson, who edited Lucky McKee’s May, worked in a new angle towards the hard boiled noir crime thrillers of days past, transplanting the new action and stinging repartee to High School with the aid of Joseph Gordon-Levitt. First off, make sure to read Devin’s interview with him here. Johnson has some infinitely fascinating ideas to share, and he reads like an affable guy interested in working his particular style into today’s industry. What struck me immediately from the off-kilter trailer is the sense of style, place, and movement. Brick appears to be all of that and then some, as friends cruelly tease me every time we meet, rubbing their words of praise in my face. No, I haven’t, and it pains me. It’s like one of the missing puzzle pieces of the year is AWOL and I won’t be complete until I can see it. The DVD, which should be out on 8.08.06, gives me a few more weeks to procrastinate, and for my friends to keep pouring that cinematic salt on ye ole wounds.
Sit here and bleed at you – with:
- Audio commentary with Rian Johnson
- Over 20 minutes of deleted scenes
- Easter Egg with a short film (it might be Johnson’s Evil Demon Goofball From Hell!!)
Reader Chris Anthony alerted me to the recent announcement (via TVShowsondvd.com here) that Comedy Central is attempting to release the aborted Chappelle’s Show: Season Three under the guide of Chappelle’s Show: The Lost Episodes – Uncensored, rolling out on 7.25.06. Oddly enough, this is the infamous season where Chappelle did God knows what and vanished into thin air, taking some (or maybe all) of his legendary $50 million payday to South Africa and his Ohio farm. The main format of the show, where Chappelle does his patented brand of audience stand-up comedy will be jettisoned for the skits of the show. The Lost Episodes will include bits of Chappelle meeting the President of Showbiz, doing a boundary breaking Tiger Woods impersonation (with Angel on one shoulder, Devil on the other), and even his impressions of celebrities like P Diddy and Gary Coleman. One problem being is that I think they’re going to squeeze you consumers out there on this one, retail allegedly being around $27.99 MSRP for only 68 minutes of footage, putting it in the “we must help offset the cost of losing $25 million to Dave” file. Plus, look forward to people everywhere driving signature catchphrases into the ground.
It’s a revolution, bitches – with:
- Extras TBA.
Most of you already know the Tick is coming to DVD on 8.29.06 with The Tick (Belated 10th Anniversary Edition). What I’m not sure you knew is that Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction is arriving on 7.11.06 for you to ignore or watch with David Thewlis, or even the hilariously funny final season of Arrested Development, also busts your wallet’s buying capacity on 8.29.06 – thanks to DVDActive.com for the cover art.
Me – Region Free – Supreme Being.
Region Free protect you.
Peter Greenaway has a strange obsession with symmetries and parallels – showing up in all his work. He has never shied away from the avant-garde movement that made him semi-famous (but not to my Grandmother, who thought he was part of a larger landscaping company). He has neither shied away from his meticulous twisty turns (a Zed and Two Noughts), or even insistence on massive beards (think of Gielgud in Prospero’s Books). Greenaway now tackles an epic story, with his 3-part Tulse Luper Suitcases, the first – The Moab Story – winning acclaim throughout the world. The title character is seemingly incarcerated in a series of prisons spanning throughout 60 years, from 1928 to the fall of the Berlin Wall. Within the story are the contents of exactly 92 suitcases, each to be opened precisely by Tulse. And within the larger context of a whole, Greenaway slaps together images within images, dialogue within narration, sets within sets, and even references within themselves – most dealing with the discovery of Uranium. If I hadn’t just sucked myself into myself right now, I might be all over it.
Imagine a world without a fixed point – with:
- English and Spanish 5.1 Audio Options
- Optional Spanish Subtitles
- Photo Gallery
- Teaser and Theatrical Trailers
This is a Region 2 PAL DVD, requiring Spaniards upon Spaniards to power.
Alejandro Amenabar has made three incredibly good films – Abre Los Ojos, The Others, and The Sea Inside. But the one film I’ve always sought out is his first, Tesis/Thesis, a thriller wherein a University student Angela, is writing her paper on the nature of media violence. Like Nicolas Cage, she stumbles upon a snuff film without Peter Stromare, shame, and is quick to realize the actual murder has been committed on campus with University staff. If this were such a case when I was studying, the students might have organized a rally protesting the Administration’s policies without consulting the students who wanted in, or even had a John McCain spokesperson come and tell them they’re ignorant before ripping their throats out. And of course there’d be some conspiracy theory, man, underneath a haze of smoke not unlike what a Baldwin battles when not making out with Rebecca DeMornay on top of fire trucks. As for my tangent, and the Tesis at hand, Amenabar kindled his first delves into the labyrinthine of human relationships with his first major film, and it sweeped up Spain’s Goya Awards as a result.
My Dog Ate It – with:
- English Subtitles
- Dolby Digital 5.1
- Tons of Extras (Spanish Language Only)
This is a Region 2 PAL DVD, meaning you need better hardware in and out of your pants.
Are like assholes. Except ours are the most clean.
5/23: Kingdom of Heaven: 4-Disc Director’s Cut (buy this!), Dirty Dozen: Special Edition, Dirty Dozen: Double Feature, Hollow Man 2 (Dave’s DVD review), London, Bloodrayne, Boondock Saints: Unrated Special Edition, Transamerica (David’s DVD review), Samurai Jack: Season Three, One Last Thing…, Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey, The Seven-Ups, Deadwood: Season Two, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Blue Iguana, 100 Rifles, Longest Day: SE, Patton: SE, Tora! Tora! Tora!: SE, High School Musical: SE, Wings: Season 1 and 2, Viridiana: Criterion,
5/16: The Producers, When a Stranger Calls, The Ringer, Duma (Ian’s DVD review), Winter Passing, New Police Story, Napoleon Dynamite: Like the Best Special Edition Ever!, Enemy of the State: Unrated Extended Edition, Con Air: Unrated Extended Edition, Crimson Tide: Unrated Extended Edition, White Countess, Doogal, Something New, Home Movies: Season Four, That Girl: Season One, Side Effects, Hill Street Blues: Season Two, Big Valley: Season One, and Mystery Science Theatre 3000: Volume 9. Read an old Special Edition while assessing your new gray hairs right here.
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Defending Buying Power
This week’s huge sales are already over – but it always has weirded me out to realize that on weekend reserved for respect, the huge corporations are all about you dropping major cash on electronics you don’t really need or sales that aren’t that special.
Read THIS MESSAGE BOARD THREAD immediately for other Region Free DVD options.
Platoon: 20th Anniversary is $19.66
Date Movie: Unrated is $21.96
Night Stalker is $21.77
Riddick Trilogy is $14.11
Smokey & Bandit: SE is $14.11
Freedomland is $23.87
Alf: Season Three is $24.78
Venture Bros.: Season 1 is $21.96
John Wayne Icon Collection is $19.65
Marilyn Monroe: 80th Collection is $36.59
Bette Davis Collection 2 is $43.52
Apollo 13: CE is $9.43
Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy is $14.11
Townies: SE is $9.68
This is completely and utterly "CALL AHEAD", but it is being confirmed, and I confirmed some of it, that CostCo has these titles for cheap, as in INSANELY RIDICULOUSLY cheap.
Essential Steve McQueen Collection is $19.99
Errol Flynn Signature Collection is $19.99
Marx Brothers Collection is $19.99
Longest Day: SE is $12.99 + get FREE Movie Cash to see X-Men: Last Stand
Patton: SE is $12.99 + get FREE Movie Cash to see X-Men: Last Stand
Platoon: 20th Anniversary is $16.99
Date Movie: Unrated is $16.99
Night Stalker is $29.99
Kolchak is $29.99
Riddick Trilogy is $14.99
Smokey & Bandit: SE is $14.99
Freedomland is $16.99
Alf: Season Three is $27.99 + get a FREE $5.00 Target Gift Card
Numb3rs: Season One is $37.99 + get a FREE $5.00 Target Gift Card
Venture Bros.: Season 1 is $20.99
John Wayne Icon Collection is $20.19
Marilyn Monroe: 80th Collection is $34.99
Bette Davis Collection 2 is $41.99 (most likely not available in store)
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?: SE is $16.99
Friends: Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 are all $19.99/each
Platoon: 20th Anniversary is $24.97
Date Movie: Unrated is $13.99 + get FREE Popcorn
Night Stalker is $19.99
Riddick Trilogy is $12.99
Smokey & Bandit: SE is $15.99
Freedomland is $13.99
Alf: Season Three is $34.99
Venture Bros.: Season 1 is $19.99
John Wayne Icon Collection is $19.99
Marilyn Monroe: 80th Collection is $39.99
Bette Davis Collection 2 is $49.99
A History of Violence is $13.99
The Office (US): Season One is $14.99
$5.99 DVDs – Tin Cup, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Score, Fatal Attraction: Special Collector’s Edition, The Edge, The Client, Congo, Memphis Belle, The Three Amigos, Just Cause, The Naked Gun, The Naked Gun 2.5, Empire, Heartbreak Ridge, Money Talks, Frequency, Best Of The Chris Rock Show, Best Of The Chris Rock Show: Volume II, and The Last Boyscout
$9.99 DVDs – Good Night & Good Luck, Pride & Prejudice, The Corpse Bride, Ong Bak: Thai Warrior, Ladder 49, The Perfect Man, Smokey & The Bandit: Pursuit Pack, American Pie: Band Camp – Unrated, Cry Wolf: Unrated, Alexander: Director’s Cut, North Country, Crash, Cinderella Man, The Notebook, DOOM, Serenity, Two For The Money, The Skeleton Key, The Constant Gardener, Jackie Brown, Dave Chappelle: For What It’s Worth, The Breakfast Club, Shall We Dance?, Bewitched, SNL: The First Five Years, Carlito’s Way, Carlito’s Way: Rise To Power, The Princess Diaries, The Interpreter, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Hostage, Schindler’s List, Pirates of the Caribbean, Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Million Dollar Baby, Robots, Pulp Fiction (non SE), Monster-In-Law, and The 40 Year Old Virgin: Unrated
Platoon: 20th Anniversary is $16.99
Date Movie: Unrated is $16.99 + get a FREE Dating Guide
Night Stalker is $23.99
Riddick Trilogy is $12.99
Smokey & Bandit: SE is $14.99
Freedomland is $16.99
Alf: Season Three is $32.99
Numb3rs: Season One is $39.99
Venture Bros.: Season 1 is $24.99
John Wayne Icon Collection is $22.99