Your letters. My smartass replies.Hey folks,

You have a comment and don’t want to send a letter? Please click HERE and pipe up on the message boards. Please? That thread is deader than Vic Morrow. I could use all the letter you got, as this is supposed to be a weekly column and I oftentimes have trouble finding enough letters that are unique enough to bark at or share with the rest of you.

That said, thanks for reading and thanks for writing. It makes me tingle inside.

Either way, here’s the letters.

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Photo From Life.

Let the buyer beware. I was in the market for stones made from grandfathers. Imagine my surprise when it turned out I’d just visited the fan club for aging grindcore act Grandpa Rocks.

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The Fact This Exists is Hilarious.

This was almost $30.00. That means someone at some time has bought this. Somewhere on some credit card statement, is a charge for a Forest Face.


Mitch to the left!Javier writes:

I disagree with your reviews on X-men 3 , I actually liked the movie and was satisfied with it. I do agree of course in some facts like cyclops being killed at the beginning and Dark Phoenix being held back, but I as a comic fan was pleased with the movie and the ending. Thanks for taking the time for reading this.

Nick’s Reply: I’m at this point rather indifferent to most of the superhero movies, so X3 was fine for me. Entertaining enough I suppose. I’d give it a 6.5 or so. I think they mishandled most everything in regards to the character stuff but the X-Books are hardly consistent and respectful towards the characters in the rgand scheme. How many times can characters die and be reborn before fans throw up their hands in disgust?


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Raping German Girls.

Mitch to the right.Keller writes:

As requested, feedback on the podcast. I like it. I wish it came out with more frequency, which is why #9 was a nice surprise. When you guys wander off subject and into utter randomness it gets somewhat less funny actually, but it’s still pretty decent.

Oh, and the joke at the beginning should go: 13 English guys are raping a German girl. She starts yelling, "Nein! Nein!" Four of them leave.

Your way, it’s German’s raping a German girl and presumably the German dudes know German, and that it means no. Only English speaking guys would think it means nine, not no.

Nick’s Reply: I am awestruck that someone would nitpick that ancient joke. The joke is for Americans and they get it. No need to get all anal. Speaking of getting anal, these 13 German guys are raping…

Glad you like the podcasts, though!


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Riding the Ghost.

Mitch to the left!Rob writes:

OK, I feel like I’ve had enough. I need your help. It seems that there is a popular critical thought process to cast dispertions on Marvel films based on their trailers. I’ve recently seen the Ghost Rider trailor and wish to make an observation. From since I was 7 which was 32 years ago I’ve longed to see my comic heroes brought to life. The trailer was wonderful and made me long for the movie to come sooner than next February. I’m also an apologist for the director of The Hulk movie which I loved for a brief 20 minutes. Come on now! It’s a freakin super hero from a comic book and not War and Peace! You literally have to go into these movies with a sense of comic book geekness that makes that much more realistic. I guess I’m one of t hose pop corn movie people who liked to be entertained but I wish to think of myself as an old school nerd who likes dreams that come to realization. I’m sorry to have vented here but your forum column over the Ghost Rider trailer set me off. Get off the band wagon those who are too young to realize that life only exists on the printed word from a book from 7 Eleven’s shelves for 25 cents. Love ya and keep up the good work.

Nick’s Reply: I’m a little wary of the film myself (and a friend wrote it!), so I might be the wrong guy to go to for support of the Spirit of Vengeance.


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Mitch to the left!Allison writes:

I love, love, love, LOVE But I HATE HATE HATE the new look for the Graboids, with the green bar across the top. I know it’s nitpicking, but it covers up part of the frame, and who knows? Maybe some important visual info is in that tiny sliver! I just really don’t like it. The overall look for the site is great though, and just keeps getting better. Might could we go back to the old look for the graboids though?

Nick’s Reply: Sorry, I want things to me more unified in the look of the site and I needed to shrink the size down a little to accommodate. I like the new Graboid look (and the archive). It’ll grow on you.


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MB Posts.

Mitch to the right.Dave writes:

I like the new design. Good times. The only thing I miss from the older layout is the extra "most recent MB threads" on the right. I’m registered on the boards (Alki Dave), but I really only check out the newest content on there to see what people are saying. I don’t have enough time (meaning: too lazy… coz I’ve got a lot of time…) to find the interesting articles people are talking about, so I enjoyed a lot of the newer posts being right there on every page. Ever since it switched to a max of 10 links… it’s a bit lacking. I normally treat those message board links the same as the official site links on the left, so crank those bitches up a notch. Also, does Devin actually get mail, or does everybody just complain/go-down-on him through you?

Nick’s Reply: I trimmed it to 10 because MAYBE 25% of the threads that are started are of much value. I don’t need to promote the extraneous and shameless ones on CHUD’s main page. Plus, we’re about to make it so the 3 most recent

(SEND A LETTER) Creature Corner and Nation’s Punched articles appear on that side too so I’d much rather offer variety and actual content instead of just a ton of message board posts. If you want the best place to keep track of the recent message board stuff, click THIS LINK.

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Mitch to the left!Ronnie writes:

The Da Vinci Code is just what this dilusional society needed. The bible was written thousands of years ago by men who had nothing but questions on their existance. I believe the bible should be classified as fiction.

Nick’s Reply: I’m not sure how many people think the Bible is exactly non-fiction, ’cause even some of the more zealous folks I’ve spoken to have said they didn’t really think some guy loaded 2 of every animal into some giant boat. That said, The DaVinci Code is far from what this society needed. Better research is out there. More intricate ideas are out there. Hunt.


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Mitch to the right.Shannon writes:

Love the site, man. Love it, love it, love it. And I understand the
absolute need for extensive advertising to support it. But a few
things have been bugging me.

#1. The keyword-based flash popups absolutely must go. Gah! I’m trying
to browse the articles on the left menu, and suddenly this giant thing
pops up, obscuring the links!

#2. Please, no more flash video ads that start up on their own. Maybe
this is just a Firefox issue, I don’t know, but that damned American
Haunting ad kept starting up every time I would load a page. Not right
AS I loaded the page, mind you, but when I was half-way through the
article. There I’d be, engrossed in ya’ll’s sterling, insightful prose
(</kissass>) and — WHAM! — there’s Movie Voice Guy taking me out of
my zone. Scared the crap out of me a couple times, frankly.

Even if you don’t get rid of this stuff, I’ll keep reading CHUD, as I
think it’s the best film review/news site around (or, at least, the
one that matches my own aesthetic the most). It’s just that things
like these take away from the reading experience, and I fear that
potential readers will be put off by the evil, Flash nastiness.

Nick’s Reply: I have NO control over the advertisements aside from whether we have them or don’t. If we don’t have them, the site disappears. If we do, it is perky and green 24/7/365. A fair trade methinks.


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Mitch to the left!Thijs writes:

Long time reader, very sometimes feedbacker (is that sentence correct? I’m foreign, like Jan de Bont!). A few things:

The Chud podcasts are pretty awesome, but is it possible to do more of them? Like, once or twice a month? Those other guys are funnier than Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan. Sorry, not a good comparison.

Will you ever do a media review again? Empire magazine needs te be reviewed~!

Ghostbusters 3 with Ben Stiller. Good idea?

Nick’s Reply: We need another Ghostbusters like we need another hour of Oprah. The second film was horrible and Ray Parker Jr. doesn’t deserve the residuals. Nor does Huey Lewis after getting his cut of Ray’s cut. "Those other guys" are funnier than Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan? What about me, goddamn it? Where’s the love for me? Everyone’s on the message boards jerking off all over Justin and Steve and Will. Where is my jackoff? WHERE IS IT?

As for media reports, they’re just not worth the effort. I’m sorry.


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Mitch to the right.Lenny writes:

Not that you care, but since your "Spam of the Day" was in Russian, I thought I’d provide an accurate translation:

"To understand the pros and cons of every system of taxation. To help each participant to make the right decision, taking in consideration economic and taxation results using this simplified system of taxation."

Nick’s Reply: Killjoy.


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Mitch to the left!

Velma writes:

Wj-The ultiimate and SHOCKINGG perversiion! Sweet brides,innocent 44 cr-and beautifful forrced to suuck coocks and fuckk with sick cxz 0D-strangeers just before marriagge. Absollutely ILLEGALL material.

Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: You spelled fuck wrong. How am I gonna trust you with making my coock huge when you can’t even spell fuck?