Mailbagsukidoji:

Your letters. My smartass replies.Hey folks,

You have a comment and don’t want to send a letter? Please click HERE and pipe up on the message boards. Please? That thread is deader than Greedo.

The second of our MAIL BAG GRAB BAG winners is here as well as a host of other offerings. Folks, each week a person who sends in the letter of the week gets a treat. Isn’t that worth pegging me a little missive for?

Either way, here’s the letters.

What’s This?:


Each week I’m going to take a picture of something and it’s your task to guess what it is. First response I get from a correct guesser gets blurbed here. Send guesses to THIS LINK.

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Photo From Life.


The sight of this endcap warmed my heart. Now the youth of America has every tool we had to make this world a better place.

Great Moments in Foot Surgery.

Mitch to the left!Dr. Reed writes:


To Whom This Concerns:

Please rename the image at the following address:
www.chud.com/chudvd/reviews/images6/dotd6.jpg

This image appears when a google search is made for "foot surgery".

The image is offensive to the viewing public in showing the amputated
head of a person.

Your attention to this matter would be appreciated.

Nick’s Reply: That’s not how it works, Skippo. See, the image you’re offended by (and if you’re a doctor I’d hope you’re used to that kind of stuff) is from Day of the Dead and is accompanied by a caption referring to foot surgery. See, it’s humor. Oh, and you should know that a Google search of images is a request to be treated to oddities. You lucked out it was just a picture of PRETEND GORE and not some shot of a woman deep-sixing a sturgeon. Consider yourself both naive and lucky.

(SEND A LETTER)

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2008?

Mitch to the right.Aaron writes:

I thought Meg was supposed to come out in Summer 2007. Didnt New Line want
to distribute it for you guys?? I was really looking forward to this movie,
because despite all the shark movies out there none have them have ever
reached the level of Jaws. I believe that this will bring us back to glory.
Garbage like DTV (Direct to Video) Shark movies and stuff like Deep Blue Sea
need to see how a rela shark movie needs to be done. So I wish you all the
luck in getting this to the screen.

Nick’s Reply: The bottom line is that this is a tough film to make. Big budget. Lots of FX. ON THE WATER. You can’t rush it. It got to a point where we really couldn’t realistically fathom (that’s sea humor) getting the film prepped and delivered on that timeframe. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes and certain decision makers make certain intelligent decisions and we don’t mess up the 2008 release window.

(SEND A LETTER)

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United We Stand.

Mitch to the left!Judy writes:

United 93 was not a movie. United 93 was
truly an experience. I am grateful to P. Greengrass for doing such an
outstanding job of portraying it exactly as he did.

Nick’s Reply:
I loved it too, but I disagree. It was a movie as evidenced by the fact the actors got to go to their trailers and have a Sprite after their plane allegedly slammed into the ground after allegedly beating up terrorists on a fateful day that allegedly made our country allegedly worse. It’s a very strong film and Greengrass does a very sober and unwavering job. It was a movie, though. Just like The Passion of the Christ. Somehow, more people wanted to see that one. I allegedly hated it.

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Devin Hate.

Mitch to the right.James Stephen Garrett writes:

Yet again, I’m stunned by sudden way in which your teensy-tiny nuts have
withdrawn back into your ass with regard to "United 93".

I mean, Christ: why didn’t you tell Sliney what you were really thinking
about Flight 93—that George W. Bush blew it up! Not with interceptors, but
he had actually remote-controlled the thing to fly into the Capitol
building, just as he did with the WTC planes.

Or better still, why not regale Sliney with your edifying, highly
enlightening thoughts on the joys of terrorism (and blowing up buildings and
innocent civilians) from your delightful "V for Vendetta" review?

You could have said something like "Sliney, don’t you think 9/11 was
important, if only to see a blow struck against capitalism and
exploitation?"

Oh wait—you didn’t, because you realize he would have seen you for the
sad, mentally retarded, low-income cunt you are (it’s funny how he ridicules
you at the start of the interview and you’re too stupid to get it), and
terminated the interview.

Cunt.

Nick’s Reply: Something tells me there’s not a Kerry bumper sticker on this fellow’s SUV.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Yikes.

Mitch to the left!Spruce writes:

What the hell happened to the boards, man?

This public falling out that Slater performed on the boards in the
early hours of the morning? Uncool. And he says that he’s done with
you but not CHUD? Like there’s a difference? I’ll tell you what
that’s all about: The traffic Slater gets to his personal blog from his
links he has on CHUD equal to something a tad more than 90% of all the
traffic he gets to his personal blog. That was a conversation he
should have had with you via IM, PM or e-mail and he knows it. Of
course, personal conversations don’t give you the kind of
devil-may-care loose cannon cred he’s looking for.

What happened to the comradery that used to be on the boards?
Used to be that fellow Chewers would stick up for one another. When
you started a thread begging people to treat each other with a modicum
of respect, where were the Dan Whiteheads and the Devin Feracis? You
spend an inordinate time defending Devin in the boards and on the main
site and even defended him against a pretty powerful producer at one
point. To be fair, Devin is a talent and puts out a shitload of
content that is astonishingly quality given the bulk. But I’m racking
my brain for one instance where he had YOUR back.

I don’t know, man. When you have a message board where new
posters are attacked immediately after their first post simply to
establish an imaginary pecking order, there is a problem. I wish I had
an answer to this to suggest. Something. Anything. Too bad my answer
would involve banning people in what would be considered an arbitrary
abuse of power. There’s tons of guys I think are not only a blight on
the atmosphere of the boards, but also killing a lot of CHUD traffic.
But I’m subjective all to hell.

The way I see it, if you still have someone who wants to buy CHUD
from you or if you again seriously consider shutting down the boards,
I’d back you up. I wouldn’t have said that a year ago. I would’ve
said that it could be salvaged. And maybe it can and I’m just pissed
off. But if you leave, I would completely understand. I would hang
around after you left just long enough to let my thoughts be heard,
then I’d be gone too. Banned, hopefully.

Oh, and this bullshit about you becoming a prick since you’ve
"gone Hollywood"? What a joke. The only difference now is the nips
and tucks you’ve ALWAYS had to perform on the boards and on the main
page are viewed by idiots as having anything at all to do with your new
producer title.

Anyway. I was hoping this would be a positive letter. You have
enough negaitivity right now. You probably shouldn’t print this in
your Leak Letters section. You know how they’ll run with it. Plus, I
say some pretty awful things about Slater.

Nick’s Reply: Hard to answer this one without all sorts of background. Instead I’ll write a response to the people who know what this is in regards to. If you’re not, you are not missing a damn thing. The whole ordeal is silly. As for Mr. Slater, I have seen this coming for some time. I just happened to reach a point where I didn’t feel the same way about him and where his criticism once may have carried weight, it no longer did. He did some good stuff for the site and it got him some fans and possibly some attention in the outside world. I wish him all the best in his professional life and I hope it evolves into something more than blogging about screenwriting. He’s pretty talented despite being a jerk to me and being way too cruel towards a lady named Sabrica on our message boards. As for Devin defending me, I don’t really care. I’m the guy at the top of this shitheap of a site and people can take shots all they want. I can defend myself and I get a lot of the perks so it’s only fair I get the pukes too. A lot of the old schoolers don’t really have much energy to defend me, anyway. Like anything else there are cliques within the site’s readers and message board posters, all with motivations and agendas and the desire to stay in what they consider the "cool crowd" regardless of which crowd it happens to be. The Elitists? The Paintshop Pro acolytes? The Creature Corner devotees? The Gossip Mavens. Sex Forum Creepies? The Semi-Trolls? I lose track. Bottom line, the site itself is about film and DVD and some other stuff and it has a fairly lucid approach. The boards are the Wild West, a rabid animal that will lick you one minute and bite your balls the next. Nearly every friend in the Atlanta "CHUD Circle" as well as the best contributors on the site were born out of the message boards but at the same time, they’ve been a royal thorn. I, honestly, am not "cool" enough for the boards anymore.

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Silent Hades.

Mitch to the right.Jonathan writes:
I wanted to congradulate you on such an elegent reply to 'John' in the
last mailbag complaining about websites telling him what to do. I live
in England, so I am yet to see Slither, but I assure you as soon as it
comes out I will be at the cinema, and if its as good as Im expecting
then Ill get the DVD as soon as thats out as well. This is exactly the
sort of film I want to see more of, and I was delighted when the
websites front page urged us to go and see it (as well as a little
jealous). Anyway, keep up the good work. Also, good call to Russ for
the Silent Hill review. I dont know why I bothered.

Nick’s Reply: Just for implying that I am capable of anything eloquent earns you a mention here. It’s probably inaccurate but after that last letter I feel cleansed. Thanks!

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Murdered Balls.

Mitch to the left!Jess writes:

I just saw the movie Murderball and loved it. I was doing some research
on the game and the players and came across this article on Joe Soares. I thought
it was a good interview but I’m curious what he is doing now. At he end
of the movie they said he was fired from coaching the Canadian team and was
applying to coach the
USA team. Do you know if he is coaching a
team now? Please email me and let me know.

Nick’s Reply: I do not. Email devin@chud.com as he’s one of the early adopters of that film as well as more filled with such info than I. I still haven’t seen Murderball despite my love for the title and goateed wheelchair athletes.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Abominable.

Mitch to the right.Dan/Lauren writes:

could you by chance tell me what theaters (in los angeles) abominable is
supposed to be playing at? i though it was supposed to come out this past
friday and i cant find any info. on it!

Nick’s Reply: I did a search and found none. That said, the same thing happened on my search for the actual Yeti. One thing I notice in a lot of emails. The name of the "SENDER" is often female when the name of the person who writes the email is a male. Do that many of you pretend to be women online? It’s hard enough for me to pretend to be a man and I am one.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Kneel, Diamond! MAIL BAG GRAB BAG WINNER

Mitch to the left!Kevin writes:

That is some damn fine "Meg" art work! Is there any chance of getting
posters or T-shirts of it, so we Chewers can show our support for the
flick? I’m so excited about this movie that I have a diamond smasher in
my pants.

Nick’s Reply:
The Diamond Smasher line earns you a DVD of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but as for your request it’s just too early. A lot of the images are just concepts and until the film is greenlit and an actuality it’s probably not a good idea to mislead folks. Cross your fingers or induce New Line into greenlighting the film and you’re on.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Zach Snyder.

Mitch to the right.Simon writes:

I’m honoured. My 1st letter answered in the
Leak. Thanks
man.

I remember you way back on the Forum talking about
Minghella. Fantastic choice (Hey
I’m from the same little Island as him!)


For me, Zack Snyder does fall below
Greengrass & Aronofsky too.
However, I have been hugely curious why Devin & especially Moriarty have been waxing lyrical
about the guy. I really liked Dawn
of the Dead & 300 looks amazing.
I guess I just fall under the bracket that Watchmen needs more of
‘character’ based helmer, than a visual, music video guy.


Hey, you guys got us fanboys on-side with your Paul
Greengrass interviews… Maybe you can do the same with Zack if it pans
out.

All the best man, good luck with
Meg.

Nick’s Reply: They saw footage of 300 we haven’t. Apparently it’s ace. Can he tell a story as complex and rich as the Moore/Gibbons classic? Neither of his first two films can answer that.  I would just rather hand it to an assured and lyrical storyteller with a good 2nd Unit director.

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SPAM OF THE DAY!

Mitch to the left!

Mulan writes:


I’ve always had trouble with my weightt ever since I was young. Of
course I tried all the "best" fat losss products, nothing helped very
much. It wasn’t til I tried Hoodia 920+ that I saw the poundsd
seriously start to
melt away! Nothing helped me loses weightt faster. I literally saw 15
poundst melt away within the first few weeks! There’s nothing more
exciting than watching poundss disappear, especially when you’ve tried
all sorts of different methods and products before. I’ve since read up
on Hoodia and am amazed at the number of people who have benefited from
its amazing results. I’m halfway to my goal, Hoodia 920+will get me the
rest of the way
;-)

Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: I always thought that "Hoodia" was a special talent for actors who make their break in urban gang films. Fishburne’ll Hoodia, then he’ll show ya how great an actor he is. Don’t underestimate Larenz Tate, cause he’ll Hoodia and then where will you be?

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