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STUDIO: Warner Home Video
RUNNING TIME: 536 Minutes
• “Rules of Parenting”
Before reading this review, please check out my review of Season 1. Yes, I have had the pleasure of reviewing Full House not once, but twice. I even asked for this horror the second time. My wife is a big fan and had I not received it through CHUD I would have had to walk into a store and actually buy a copy. I may not have much humility – but I have more than that. I figured remembering these years is the cause of Jodie Sweetin’s meth addiction.
… and his marvelous hair.
Full House was a sitcom that anchored ABCs TGIF lineup for most of the 90s. Combined with hellish half-hour atrocities like Family Matters, Full House was successful for years. I credit its success on one factor:
John Stamos’ hair.
“Hey Lady! I said you could touch the hair on my head! MY HEAD!"
Sure, you may think it was the Olsen twins, but it wasn’t. You may think it was Dave Coulier’s constant Popeye impressions and “timeless” comedy shtick. Cut it out. It wasn’t. You may even think that it was Bob Saget’s squeaky clean family patriarch that drew in the fans. It wasn’t. It wasn’t even for Stamos. Just his hair.
Most of you probably don’t believe me. But, after enduring two season of Full House on DVD (and seeing probably every episode at least 5 times on Nick at Nite with my wife) I can honestly say that I cracked the secret to this show’s success. Jesse’s Hair.
I call this one Portrait of Lost Dignity. It was taken directly after Stamos slept with the extra grabbing him in the above image.
The best episodes of this season clearly revolved around Jesse. Hell, the first episode of the season is titled “Cutting it Close.” Can anyone guess what it is about? That’s right – Jesse’s coif. When the show runner’s sat around and discussed what they needed to launch the second season they came up with… Jesse’s mane.
I’ll concede they didn’t always revolve around his long locks. But, the power of the follicle was always there. Other proof of his hair’s power:
- “Tanner vs. Gibbler” – He wins the girl (Rebecca makes her first appearance in the second season). It had to be the hair. I doubt even real-life wife Rebecca Romijn was ever wooed by his keen fashion sense.
- “Beach Boy Bingo” – Impresses the Beach Boys. Again, the hair. If his voice was any good ABC would have launched a record and mall tour.
- “A Little Romance” – Gets the highest bid at a bachelor auction. If only Bachelor Bob had a Stamos toupee.
- “I’m There for You, Babe” – In the frantic episode everyone wants Jesse to do something. He eventually breaks down and snaps because he is doing so much for others that he didn’t have enough time to condition.
I may be slightly overstating this – but Stamos is the Samson of the show. In later years the producers began spreading the love around and focused on other characters. Naturally, once the Olsen Empire took off everyone else, including Uncle Jesse, became background. But, at least through Season 2, the show was all about Stamos. And his hair.
5 out of 10
“It even feels real, doesn’t it? I bet you can even tell that I had the hair from my butt transferred to my head to reduce the balding."
Jesse’s hair looks great and the Olsen twins look young. There isn’t anything else you really need to know.
7 out of 10
What a horse’s Ass!
Cheesy laugh track in stereo! There is nothing special here. There doesn’t need to be either. The dialogue can be heard and that’s really all you need.
7 out of 10
The Goodies are lacking. The trivia challenge was decent (my wife wants me to point out that she got them all correct) but nothing too complex. Same with the “Rule of parenting.” That was only some clips from various episodes.
Ultimately pretty bare bones. I’m shocked they didn’t put some cross-promotional stuff on it like an episode of Stamos’ new show, a blurb about the Olsen Empire or a preview of whatever ABC now has on Friday nights.
3 out of 10
“What do you mean my ex-wife is screwing the fat kid from Stand By Me? Can he wear this shirt and still feel like a man? I think not!"
I’m really bummed about the artwork. Mostly because Stamos’ hair looks so bad. True, it looks better than the dead beaver on Coulier’s head, but still.
7 out of 10