STUDIO: Disney
MSRP: $29.99 (My ass!)
RUNNING TIME: 75 Minutes
- Kronk’s Brain Game
- Pyramid Scheme Game
- "How to Cook a Movie" Featurette

The Pitch

"Okay…we’ve released The Emperor’s New Groove on DVD three times – what else can we do to milk the life out of this property? SPIN-OFF BABY!"

The Humans

Patrick Warburton, David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt, Wendie Malick and Tracey Ullman.

Kronk’s theories on reproduction were…juvenile…at best.

The Nutshell

Kronk is obsessed with pleasing his father ("Papi"). This obsession leads him into crazy scenarios in which he robs old people, cheats, lies and makes men dress up like women. Yeah – seriously. Oh but don’t worry – he’s still a Good Guy and you can rest assured – lessons are definitely learned.

The Package

Same sort of theme as Emperor – cast around the title logo. Kronk, Yzma Kuzco and Bucky the Squirrel take up the space here with vibrant colors and not an ounce of creativity. Bland would be a good word. Bright, but bland nonetheless.

Damn you Chester!
Man, they weren’t kidding about that "dangerously cheesy" slogan.

The transfer is spotty, with some sequences beautifully painted and animated, while others look just slightly washed-out and flat. Same goes for the audio. There are Dolby and DTS 5.1 tracks but they’re not used to full effect, which is a shame because the sound design on this lent itself to a rich, full surround experience. Lost opportunity.

For the features you have two set-top games that bored me to sleep. Not only that but they’re a little convoluted and at time, rather difficult. I can’t see any kids enjoying these. There’s also a "How to Cook a Movie" Featurette starring Patrick Warburton and the directors of the film. It’s pseudo-informational, but mostly just fluff. Boring as well.

The Lowdown

Well, I’m going to start this review with the positive things: They brought back the entire original voice cast. You hardly ever see that with DTV Animation sequels.

Now for the bad stuff. What? You thought there’d be more good stuff to cover? Yeah I did too, but ah well. Anyway, this movie is awful. I know I gave Emperor some hell for the jokes only being funny the first time around, but these weren’t funny at all. First time, second time or otherwise. The story, since it was told mostly in flashbacks, was all over the place and Kronk’s motivation (getting a thumbs-up from Papi) made him seem less like the lovable guy they tried to portray him as. Instead, we see Kronk as desperate and, frankly, a little pathetic.

Poor Kronk – always getting his salutes mixed up.

What sucks the most is that this had some potential. Kronk’s conflict between Papi’s approval and his loyalty to his friends could have made for a nice story, but the concept fell into the wrong screenwriter’s hands. Obviously, everything worked out and was completely sewn up at the end, but the journey was a chore and I don’t see me ever watching this again, which says a lot considering I didn’t give Emperor the best review ever but it still gets a semi-regular rotation.

Bottom line? Don’t watch it. It’s just another crappy Disney DTV sequel that isn’t worth a damn. But – like I said, they did bring the entire voice cast back, so that’s worth something.

3.0 out of 10