STUDIO: Disney (Both)
MSRP: $19.99 (Both)
RATED: TV-Y7 (Both)
RUNNING TIME: 105 Minutes (Both)
• Delta Squad Runner virtual simulators: Train like the Rangers Do! (Both)
• "The Power Rangers Want You" featurette (Both)
• Never-before seen episode, Wormhole (Both)

The Pitch

Exec A: “Okay guys, we need a new theme for this year’s Power Rangers. Previously we’ve done, the dinosaur thing – twice I might add – the Zeo thing, the racecar thing, the rescue thing, the time travel thing and the suburban Ninja thing. So what’s left?” Exec B: Where’s Williams? Isn’t it his turn to do this?” Exec A: “He just called and said he got held up with a traffic ticket. Hey, wait a minute…”

When platitudes of friendship and peace, as well as union of mind and body through the discipline of martial arts didn’t register, popping a laser cap always seemed to get the Rangers’ point across.

The Humans

Brandon McLaren (Red Ranger), Chris Violette (Blue Ranger), Matt Austin (Green Ranger), Monica May (Yellow Ranger), Alicia Purrott (Pink Ranger) and a guy in a bad Dynomutt costume as Doggie “Shadow Ranger” Cruger.

The Nutshell

Ever seen any incarnation of the Power Rangers? Ever? Even one episode? A few minutes of one episode? The credits even? Then you’ve seen this.

If you had the Pink Ranger in this position, you’d be a happy camper too.

The Package

Both volumes are presented in Shit Vision (TV full frame 1.33:1) and Dolby Digital audio. Both also have essentially the exact special features in The Power Rangers Want You: a five-minute round up of the Rangers, their weapons, mission and purpose. Except certain footage for this feature is swapped out for the Red Ranger in Vol. 4 and the Yellow Ranger in Vol. 5. There’s also a Cobra Command-like flight simulator for piloting the Rangers’ Delta Squad Runners and the same – that’s right, the exact same – bonus episode, Wormhole, on both volumes. The glaring lack of originality of the features on this disc is testament to the fact that this thing has been repackaged so many times that it’s all the same shit.

What can I say? The show is ass.

The Lowdown

God help me, back when I was taking summer school in college a decade or so ago, all I did for six weeks was go to class and go back to my dorm room and watch TV. This included the original version of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Since then? Well not much has changed on the Power Rangers scene except that every season or so, they cart out five new twentysomethings to play new versions Rangers with exactly the same shtick as the originals. Only now they have even more laughable special effects and plotlines (if you can call them that). The Red Ranger is always the leader, and the Pink Ranger is always the hot chick on the team, with the Yellow Ranger winning Miss Congeniality, and the Green and Blue Rangers batting cleanup. Then you’ve got the sixth Ranger who comes along to help them out, being part of the team and independent at the same time. This time there’s even a seventh Ranger.

Although not an intergalactic warrior, the Tongue Ranger was still an invaluable part of the team…

Anyway, the Rangers always get their asses kicked by a villain in a bad Baz Lurhrmann fight mask until they join together and whip up some kind of mega-blaster. Then of course comes the growing monster or monster in giant robot and the Rangers whip out their Zords – robotic vehicles that merge into one giant robot – whip out some weapon and send the villain back to Saban Hell. The formula hasn’t changed in 10+ incarnations of this show and probably never will. I at least enjoyed when the original Rangers had the balls to throw the political incorrectness of the show in everybody’s faces. For instance, the Black Ranger was a homey (Walter Jones) and the Yellow Ranger was Vietnamese (Thuy Trang). Surprised the Closet Gay Ranger (David Yost) wasn’t the Rainbow Ranger.

Always nice to see Carrot Top still working…

This thing is never going to die, let’s face it. It’s going to go on after all of the stars have died and been buried, just like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Hell, Thuy Trang was tragically killed in a car crash about four years ago and damned if you can’t still her occasionally on one of the kiddy channels that show old Rangers episodes. You review one Power Rangers incarnation, you’ve basically covered the bases. And if anyone above the age of 10 (or 20) argues that case, they need professional help. Now I know that this is a show for kids, but even a six-year-old can see that this formula is more tired than a hooker during Fleet Week. Eventually I know that the only way that this series will be able to go on is when they market it as the Skinemax version: Power Rangers: S.C.P. (Soft Core Porn). You’ll have the Poonhound Ranger, the Dominatrix Ranger, the Naughty School Girl Ranger, the Candy Striper Ranger and the Pool Boy Ranger, with the sixth rogue Ranger being the Pimp Ranger, smacking bitches if they don’t got his Zord ready. That incarnation I’ll definitely be tuning back in for.

Next incarnation of the show? Power Rangers H.Y.R. (Hitler Youth Rally)

Vol. 4: 3.6 out of 10
Vol. 5: 3.6 out of 10
(since it’s basically the same damn disc)