Yeah, I’m double teaming you with vampire news today, sorry. Anyway, Screen Daily is reporting that Dario Argento has cast Thomas Kretschmann (the boat cap’n in King Kong) as the “lead” in Dracula 3D. He will join Rutger Hauer, who is playing Van Helsing, and long-standing object of her father and my sexual fantasies, Asia Argento. The film will be Italy’s first steroscopic 3D film, and it begins lensing May 30th.
This is cause for great excitement. Not because the film will be any good; Argento has made nothing but terrible, terrible films for years now. But this could be a disaster of mind-melting proportions, and it’ll be in 3D no less. I have found Argento’s last two films, Mother of Tears and Giallo, to be sterling examples of WTF cinema — that rare breed of film so abjectly wrong on every level that you can’t help but be entertained. Argento is in the running for the Ed Wood of this era (look out, Uwe Boll!), which I guess makes some people sad because he used to be a “Master of Horror” back in the 70’s. As long as he keeps cranking out brain-boilers that put his hot, heroin-chic daughter in compromised positions, I’ll keep watching.
On a side note: Dracula may be the most played out subject matter in all of cinema history, yet there are so few truly great Dracula films. Stoker’s novel has never truly been captured on the screen, and I for one would love to see Marvel studios adapt their Tomb of Dracula property. Is the Count totally played out, or is there room for a fresh, interesting take? I pose the question to you, dear readers. One thing we can probably all agree on, Argento’s version will certainly be pants.