This just in: None of the ‘Amityville Horror’ movies are good. Worse yet, the questionable validity of the story actually being true one hurts the creepy notorious vibe the 1979 original. It makes the whole thing feel like a big sham. Then again, as long as the movies are compelling who gives a damn?

Ooops, the films aren’t compelling. The “Jody the Pig” window moment in the original notwithstanding. That fucked my eight year old brain up when I saw the original. But the film still sucked, which is weird because I’m a huge fan of Rod Steiger and bees. Every film after that also sucked, but somehow the franchise continues. In the nuclear winter there’ll be roaches, Nic Cage, and Amityville Horror movies.

The Weinstein Brothers are not content letting sleeping dogs lie and instead of forging brand new fresh horror IP’s they are hellbent on resurrecting some of their old Dimension titles for sequels and remakes because apparently there’s a huge demand for it. If two fat millionaires qualifies as huge demand.

In the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ department, the Brothers have teamed with their own company (Miramax/Dimension) to begin a marriage leading to the delivery of these films no one needs. The first up:

A found footage Amityville flick, The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes (THR). While the subject matter lends itself to the cheap and annoyingly successful “found footage” genre it feels a little late to the party. Casey La Scala and DanielĀ Farrands write and direct while Paranormal Activity producer Jason Blum does so here.

Wake me when someone does a found footage romantic comedy.