The Sci-Fight was part of a subsection of CHUD way back in the day (around five years ago), when the site’s readership was barely a decimal point of what it’s become.  So I figured that when movie-related news is slow, I’ll share a little chunk of history for those who haven’t been with us for half a decade. Enjoy!

Both Predator and Aliens featured elite military squads facing off with the lethal otherworldly threats of their respective titles. And though both Arnie’s "rescue team" and the gung-ho platoon of Colonial Marines suffered heavy losses, they both ultimately defeated their extraterrestrial foes.

We’ve already seen the aliens duke it out, but how would these two crews of badasses fare if pitted against one another? Only one way to find out: FIGHT!

Major Dutch Schaeffer Sgt. Apone

Both of the squad leaders chomp cigars and belloworders with authority, but while Apone gets himself carved up by xenomorphs pretty quickly (and is backed up by a spineless, inexperienced and ultimately useless lieutenant), Dutch is played by the Austrian Oak and therefore inevitably conquers the pursuing predator.

EDGE: Dutch’s Squad

Other Team Members
6 military veterans 1 medic, 2 pilots, 7 footsoldiers, 1 synthetic, 1 advisor

Dutch’s rescue team includes a former wrestler and Apollo Creed, and together they make short work of an entire camp of terrorists. The Colonial Marines consist of heavily-armed hardcases expecting just another "bug-hunt", but they get more than they bargain for, making it necessary for civilian advisor Ellen Ripley to stomp the alien menace. Vasquez excluded, Dutch and the boys just have more muscle pound for pound.

EDGE: Dutch’s Squad

Comic Relief
Hawkins Hudson

The jittery private Hudson contorts his face into impossible expressions and deals with his undesirable situation by spouting memorable one-liners. Radio operator Hawkins tells stale jokes about pussy.

EDGE: Colonial Marines

extensive extensive

Dutch and the boys are loaded with Heckler & Koch and M-16 machineguns, a couple of grenade launchers, an M-60 and a devastating MINI-Gun, not to mention a wealth of explosives. The Marines have M-41A pulse rifles (with grenade launcher), flame-spewing incinerators, auto-tracking smartguns and some hand grenades. But c’mon… that far in the future, shouldn’t they have laser guns or something?

EDGE: Dutch’s Squad

a single extraterrestrial Predator a horde of xenomorphic Aliens

The alien Predator is armed to the teeth and hunts for sport, and can completely camouflage himself with the press of a button. But the cunning, insect-like aliens have strength in numbers, are quicksilver fast, and bleed corrosive acid. Oh, and their mom is a giant terrifying queen.

EDGE: Colonial Marines

Insertion Method
rappelling from hovering helicopters entering atmosphere in drop ship

Dutch and his squad do it the old-fashioned way, but the Marines of the future plummet from orbit on an "express elevator to hell". Ding! Going down!

EDGE: Colonial Marines

Location of Conflict
jungles of South America planet LV-426

The rescue team is stuck in a blistering, thick jungle, being hunted by a creature who can blend in with the scenery. The Marines are stuck on a rainy rock in a deserted colonial terraforming facility. The cramped, maze-like halls of the colony are far more terror-inducing.

EDGE: Colonial Marines

Best Way To Dispose Of Alien Foe
drop a log on him accidentally crash ship into reactor

The Predator seems pretty damn clever when he’s picking off the team one by one, but he eventually gets suckered into a trap that a mildly retarded rabbit would probably have the sense to avoid. The Marines save themselves from having to nuke the alien hive from orbit by simply crashing their extraction ship into the colony’s thermal reactor. Neither would be considered ‘tactically brilliant’.

EDGE: Draw

Secret Weapon
mud Ripley in a cargo loader suit

Dutch discovers that cold, clammy mud prevents his detection by the Predator’s heat vision. Ripley discovers that a hydraulic power loader can let her toss the alien queen around like a stunt guy in an unwieldy costume.

EDGE: Colonial Marines

Alien Demise
Predator suicide by bomb Queen sucked out airlock

The alien "hive mind" obviously didn’t learn from Ripley’s methods during her first xenomorph encounter: stay away from the damn airlock. The Predator, on the other hand, would rather leave a gigantic crater in the earth than admit defeat.

EDGE: Dutch’s Squad

Dutch and a female Spanish prisoner Ripley, Cpl. Hicks, Newt and half of Bishop

Dutch and his Latino babe are never heard from again, leaving it up to Danny Glover to deal with the Predators when they return to Earth. Ripley, in one form or another, returns to fight the xenomorphs on two more occasions (sadly, minus her other comrades).

EDGE: Colonial Marines

Winner: A close battle, but the jarheads of the future, the Colonial Marines, manage to shut down Dutch and the grunts of the present. Of course, the ultimate match-up would have them joining sides to defeat some new alien menace… hey, we can dream, right?