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STUDIO: Respond 2
MSRP: $35.98
RATED: N/A
RUNNING TIME: N/A
SPECIAL FEATURES: Never-before-seen footage
Goddamn, they’re starting them in animal porn younger and younger…
The Pitch
“Let’s give ‘em three hours of sometimes humorous animals caught on video, an annoying narrator spewing sickeningly bad dialogue set to endless canned laughter.”
The Humans
What humans?
Man: "Okay, Shep, beg for the ball."
Shep: "You keep it up, asshole and you’re gonna be beggin’ for your balls…"
The Nutshell
See The Pitch, ‘cause the Nutshell ain’t any different.
The Package
The artwork of this thing is scary to say the least. I’ve always been of the opinion that people who puts clothes on their dogs should be shot on principle. This is presented in a 3-disc set that runs about an hour each. The video is all home footage, which usually sucks to say the least; and a crisp transfer of that shitty video isn’t going to be much better. Ten minutes into this thing I was ready to look up the inventor of the laugh track and shoot him on principle.
This might have been funny if the dog weren’t dead…
The Lowdown
I usually try to add a little bit of personal anecdotes, jokes, or whatever I can to try to make a review readable when there isn’t much to say. I’ll be damned if I can do it this time. This is a DVD presentation of the Animal Planet show that I’ve never seen that’s hosted by some guy I’ve never heard of named Matt Gallant. Gallant doesn’t appear on the discs, but instead narrates the presentations of animal vignettes that are of similar themes. The footage of the animals themselves is pretty watchable, but it becomes un-watchable when you have to sit through an endless laugh track while Gallant vomits out the same bad comedy that you’d find on the old America’s Funniest Home Videos that ran forever on ABC and was hosted by Bob Saget. I loathed that show because the home footage, while sometimes quite amusing, is presented to you basically like you’re an idiot with writing set to the cognitive level of a fetus. This show, which is pretty much an animal-themed rip-off of AFHV, follows the exact same formula. The only special feature is “previously unseen footage.” Considering that I’ve never seen any of their footage, that was a big whoop. I only saw ten minutes of this and knew everything I needed to know about it. It sucks.
Guinness Book of World Records entrant for dog with biggest nutsack, 1995.