In the place to be, don’t believe the hyperbole

…the slang suggest it was a guy in the glasses
Who came to help the people with they minds and they asses
You set trip and get a grip like Spalding
These walls is thin, feel genuine predictin’…

I’m not a replacement. Just the one for now. To any degree that I don’t fuck things up, credit it all to the last guy. This motherfucker won’t act like he forgot about Dre.


Temp art!

Surely by now Marvel and Thor have come to grips with the fact that they don’t get to be the big dicks that plop out, hit the ground, and cause the summer to start. Last weekend Fast Five ran up and hit the triangle button next to Thor’s custom Hummer (the chrome “U” is switched out with an “A”, and the license reads MJLNIR1), and drove off with the first blockbuster opening of the season, with a surprising late-April blowout. That said, Thor‘s midnight sales have been good and didn’t tally too far behind last week’s midnight receipts for the snowballing car franchise ($3.25m vs. $3.8m respectively). Whatever excitement that indicates, combined with positive reviews and any 3D bump that happens means that Marvel should have another strong release in the bag, even if it can’t match the +$86m opening of RĂ¡pido y furioso 5. For over a year now it seems like the question has been, “What happens to The Avengers if Thor or Captain America (or both) flop horrendously?” The answer has always been “mostly nothing” since the road has been so specifically laid out for so long, and ultimately the success of Iron Man means the team-up endeavour would never be a total wash. Even if every other Avenger stand-alone stumbled on the way, the presence of Iron Man and the curiosity of the whole thing more than assures The Avengers a modest return. The only variable is which character gets the most screentime in the TV spots. However, it seems more than probable that Thor will do well enough that no executives have to start shooting nervous looks at each other at Avengers meetings.

At the number two spot, Diesel and crew should have no problem keeping those smiles wide, as it didn’t even take a second weekend for their race movie-cum-heist flick to cross strongly into triple digits, and even with stiff action and date-night competition should swallow up another $35 to $40m, putting it at or over $150, and probably assuring them $220 or so.

Counter programming is a big thing this weekend, as two romantic comedies hit the screens, the icky Something Borrowed (my very displeased review) and Jumping the Broom. While I have no problem wiping my ass with Borrowed and dismissing it as the poorly written nonsense it is, I’m more troubled trying to characterize Jumping the Broom. From the trailers I’ve seen it is much the same as any random romantic comedy, but it also alludes to an African-American tradition/sensibility (i.e. has character) and engages more potent social dilemmas. There’s something nice about seeing a Hollywood romantic comedy filled with darker faces that’s not being treated as an oddity, or marginalized as an “urban film.” Everything about it seems as professional and slick as anything in the genre, and if it draws in “mainstream” folks and the audience that typical frequents Tyler Perry’s marriage-oriented films, then it could be a contender against Something Borrowed. The latter has nearly 1000 more screens though, so the averages will bear it out. The thing is, even without all the Perry-brand mugging and the stigma his involvement brings, the film seems to be as shallow and pandering as Borrowed. So should one celebrate what seems like a quiet victory of normalization, or lament that the victory is simply the progression of bland bullshit pandering to more than just middle-class white women? Maybe the wrong fences are being pulled down. I feel ill-equipped to make an educated guess, but the question has been stuck in my head.

Rounding out the bottom five will surely be Rio, which already crossed the $100m mark that it would need to puff out those chest feathers proudly. Everything else is cake, as the international money is where it’s at. Fox family films excel in that sense. That said, Rio could sweep up another 9 million or so before it moults into the bottom five and then flies off into the horizon (disappearing amidst the brightness of a sun that looks oddly like a digital video disc).

So here’s how it may or may not play out…

Thor ….. $68,500,00
Fast Five ….. $39,000,00
Something Borrowed ….. $12,500,000
Jumping The Broom ….. $12,100,000
Rio ….. $9,000,000

Come back Sunday to wonder what the fuck I was thinking with me.

The thread in which you talk about this stuff.


Thanks to Lauren Drolet for letting me deface her dollar.