SPECIAL FEATURES: A winning smile, robots made of paper, Gil Gerard, and a healthy dose of 1978
impossible to review Buck Rogers in the
25th Century. Let me rephrase that. It’s impossible for ME to
review Buck Rogers in the 25th
Century. It’s a slice from my childhood that I think I knew was dogshit
even then, but one I hold remotely close to my heart. Or lower, when you factor
in the presence of Erin Gray.
I’m going to let the pictures do most of the talking.
The Faces of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century:
1. Cro-Magnon Papa Smurf. This makes my worst nightmares look like a Disney flick. Why on Earth do designs like this happen? Who isn’t offended by this? I think blue midgets would boycott this show if they saw this. I hope the person under this costume died a peaceful death before seeing dailies. Science fiction shows think that audiences watch their shows to see shit like this?
2. Rogaine McConstipation. This actor asked the director what his motivation was. The director’s instructions were simple, "please look as if you’re shitting The Washington Monument". Instructions heeded and exceeded.
3. Space Bruce and Space Jeff.
The Henry Winkler meets Henry Silva fellow on the left seems to be saying "Care for some homoerotic?" and the Liam Gallagher/Dudley Moore amalgam on the right seems to be saying "Yes, please!". Meanwhile, I’m screaming for my life as the 70’s threatens to crush us all.
4. The Golden Child. This poor goldenchild seems to be wondering where the sharpest goldeninstrument is lying so he can goldengrab it and end his goldenlife. His hair is why Buck Rogers in the 25th Century can accurately be called a science fiction show.
5. Spock’s Night Terror. The makers of Clash of the Titans could have saved dozens of dollars on their Calibos make-up had they just hired this gentleman. His expression reads "If I even quiver, my entire nervous system will exit my bowels like the Tides of Amandorian on Gary 6, the moon of Dantares".
6. The Creature From the Black Old Navy. Lizards don’t wear shirts. We’d all be advised to remember this.
7. Token Black Space Alien. "Hi folks, just doing my part to inflict harm on race relations in the wake of Jimmie Walker. Nothing to see here, move along!".
8. The Three. The guy on the right isn’t just looking into the lens. He’s reading our souls (unless you’re using the Firefox browser, which can block such things). The guy on the right is wondering if he can list "looking like Richard Thomas" as an actual job description. The guy in the middle looks like what would happen if you put a roach, terrorism, and David Hemmings into Seth Brudle’s telepod together.
9. Rock Hudson. Not to be confused with Stone Phillips or R&B sensation Pebbles, this fellow enjoys hiking, slow moving streams, and Fusion cuisine as well as sitting still for centuries and allowing the weather to slowly batter his features into oblivion. It can be said that the most enriching performance on the show came from ol’ Rock.
10. Dr. Gillette Sensor. An ironic name, don’t you think?
11. She Who Accuses From the Leaves. The feathered look was in vogue in the 70’s, but even if it weren’t this babe would be considered a fine piece of tail. Look at those eyes. They are alluring in a ‘I’m paralyzed with fear at the sight of you’ sort of way and her expression is the envy of coma patients the world over.
12. Gage Creed. "No fair", indeed.
Buck Rogers is a fun show. It has all of the earmarks of the post-Star Wars science fiction craze in every frame. Nearly everything that made George Lucas’ film such a wonderful event are Xeroxed here with little disregard for anything that made Star Wars special. Worse yet is that it used the Buck Rogers name, one of the inspirations for Star Wars. Thankfully, when you are an 8 year old child still high on Darth Vader, Cylon Raiders, Sleestaks, and the like, the crap that this show is becomes irrelevant.
Disco dancing. Robots with bowl haircuts speaking in Mel Blanc’s irritating (in this rare instance) voice. Bad FX. Silly alien designs.
It’s the worst show ever. It’s the best show ever.
The Intergalactic Beatles before Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
The Intergalactic Beatles after Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
It looks just like Buck Rogers!
Actually, they devoted some TLC to this DVD. This is a fact that pleases me to no end and troubles me about the future of the medium.
The Noise (Guest Critique by Wilma Deering)
"This sounds like Buck Rogers!"
These discs are not loaded but to enjoy them you need to be. Here, enjoy the two expressions of Gil Gerard at no extra cost:
Overall: out of