Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column.

doing a decent job of doing one or possibly two of these letters
columns a week, but I think it might be a little better if you guys
just ask random stuff instead of things just relating to the column or
the recent letters installments.

it makes sense and applies to entertainment in some fashion, send me
whatever questions you’d like! Also, since the Leak is less frequent
than I’d like, I’ll toss a few value added things in here from now on.

With that said, here we go….

Today’s Photo From Life:

The first still in the instructional coffee table  book How Centaurs Are Made.

Come around here often?

The Fact This Exists Is Hilarious.

Well, there’s no mystery to the secret sauce, is there?

A Plethora.

Mitch to the left!Matt writes:

Man, it’s so weird to think that you’re gonna be a miniscule part of CHUD. It’s like when the main character leaves a TV series and they try to keep it running anyway. It makes no damn sense. Granted, the fact that you’re going on to do comics and movies and the site is in the capable hands of Devin, Dave, Eileen, Russ, et al., makes this a joyous farewell, but it’s still weird.

But yeah, back to the topics of Leak 113:

1) I’m still looking forward to *Legend of Zorro* and while I agree that the seven year span between the two films didn’t do the franchise any favors, I think a character that’s been kicking for about 85 years now has license to appear whenever he wants. I certainly think there’s more promise in a social-reformer character like Zorro than there is in a character like James Bond (until 007 comes under new ownership, the character and his films will remain wimpy). That being said, the trailer is pretty terrible and gives me a heavy *Mummy Returns*-vibe with Zorro’s kid already irritating the living piss out of me. I suppose it’s always frustrating when you know the character is worth a damn but sometimes can’t find a worthy storyline.

2) There’s no way that’s Sofia. No child grows up that fast without heavy hormone therapy or having the aging disorder from *Jack*. Also, if you don’t want her to start shaming you at Halo, get her away from those screens.

3) Give *Robot Chicken* a shot when the DVD hits in January. You may not like the title, but you like the creators. They’re the cats who made Twisted ToyFare Theatre.

4) Hey, I love *Land of the Dead* as much as the next guy (except if the next guy is that douchebag in line who only prefers a Bat-Nippled Clooney), but better than *Angel: Season 5*? No, no, no, no. Easily Whedon’s best season of television (Buffy and Firefly included). The episode with Puppet Angel is better than most life on this planet (again, see Bat-Nippled-Clooney-Preferrer.)

Nick’s Reply: 1. I cannot explain how not interested in the new Zorro movie I am. I cannot believe that thing exists. It makes no sense to me. 2. She is small for her age but is super advanced. Her 2nd birthday is late next month and she already is better at communication than a lot of people I know. Incredible. 3. Maybe so. I hope to be busy in January. Real busy.  4. I lover Angel. It’s by far my favorite Whedon product, but after hearing how great it was and how great it ended I felt like it was as good as the other seasons but nowhere near as drastically better as some people told me. As a result, I didn’t think it was the best season but just another very good one. The Adam Baldwin stuff was terrific but it meandered for some time in the early to middle episodes. Especially when Harmony became a more focal character.


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Gothic, American Style

Mitch to the right.Brian writes:

DVD: American
Gothic: The Series
. So good. So creepy. If you haven’t seen this show,
just pick this DVD up and thank a white man in the

Holy shit, it’s about time someone mentioned this
wonderful show! I saw every episode that aired (even though the station played
them out of order and at weird times), and I have yet to find anyone else who’s
even heard of it. Cudos!

Although it took me almost the entire first (half)
season of Medium to realize who Patricia Arquette’s husband was in regards to
American Gothic…

Nick’s Reply: Shame on you! Jake Weber is one of the better character actors out there. I loved him in Pushing Tin, Meet Joe Black, and pretty much everything else I see him in. Thanks for the note.


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Liev and Let Liev.

Mitch to the left!Michelle writes:

I totally agreed with what you said here. I have
long been a fan of Liev Schreiber. I think he would be referred to by many as a
"character actor" rather than a so-called "star". Like Christopher Walken, who
has long been considered by many as a character actor, but I think he is without
a doubt a star. Every performance is a delight! Much the same with Schreiber-he
even brought meat to the small roles he played in the Scream trilogy. I think
what most people consider true stardom is big box office and heavy press
coverage. I, on the otherhand, believe a star is someone who owns his/her
talent and is not afraid to make less money (or none) in an arty piece now and
then-or play second fiddle to a "star".

Great points!

Nick’s Reply: I tend to like the fringe stuff. Sometimes the long suffering love for people is rewarded, like seeing guys like John C. McGinley and Viggo Mortensen get stardom, but it’s also very hard to justify the dollars and cents in the eyes of the people writing the checks.


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Mitch to the right.Chris writes:

This might be totally out of line and out of the blue (not sure on the ettiquette for emailing questions to you guys), but I was wondering what happened to Kurt Wimmer and UltraViolet? I know you guys went nuts for Equilibrium (thanks for all the harping on that, it’s in the Friday night rotation at my house…) and so I’ve been surprised that everything has gone so quiet on Wimmer’s next film. Actually, quiet would seem to be an understatement — the web’s mute on this movie.

Any chance you guys have anything on the film at all, even a tentative release date?

Nick’s Reply: After getting your email, I contacted Kurt and got this information for you. There’s an outside chance we may see Ultraviolet in theaters in March. There have been screenings of the film and responses have varied but I think Equilibrium fans are going to love it if the combat is as cool as people say. I’ve seen a tiny bit of it and was really impressed but am looking forward to seeing the whole thing in all its glory and March sounds like a great time for a movie like that. Here’s hoping it gets the release it deserves. In other news, Kurt’s busy writing the remake of Westworld, which was news to me. Tarsem is the director on hand at last notice, and with his chops and Kurt’s writing I feel pretty safe with the idea of a new one. Here’s hoping there’s more on that soon as well. Hope that helped!


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From a Bowler.

Mitch to the left!Sara writes:

First of all, I would like to say that it is with great sadness that I have learned of your upcoming departure from CHUD.COM. I have been an on-again, off-again reader for many years and was even quite active in the message boards back in the day when they were much more "quaint". You may (or may
not) remember me as The Bowler back then. I even own one of the old green CHUD t-shirts, which I believe may have been the first ones sold on your site.

I especially enjoy the movie reviews at CHUD.COM as I have found them to be most similar to my own sensibilities. Many times I will read one of the reviews on this site and think, "I was just thinking that in the theater!"

They are very insightful and often add another dimension to my moviegoing experience. CHUD.COM has become one of my main guides for helping me decide which movie I’ll spend my money on.

The second reason I wanted to write was to comment on the "A Star is Born"
section of The Steady Leak. It is very refreshing to find someone else who enjoys those underappreciated, almost-stars that you know are great actors and you just wish they could find that perfect role to really show the public what you’ve known all along. This happened with Russell Crowe for me. I thought he was great in LA Confidential but it wasn’t until Gladiator that anyone else knew who I was talking about. It is the same way now for me with Liev Shreiber, Sean Bean, William Fichtner and many others. I will mention them to someone and most people have no idea who I am talking about.

Of course I will drag my friends to any movie that has even the slightest hint of a bit part for them so they think I’m crazy. But I just wanted to let you know that I also seem to have a different set of stars than the rest of the world and its good to know I’m not the only one whose rooting for them.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave for a bit. I’m sorry to see you go but I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Nick’s Reply: I certainly remember you! As for reviews, I think Devin is doing a better job than any of have. Granted, he has a much more focused goal being a part of the New York critic community. His stuff is more "reviewy". He takes his time and goes deep into it, and more often than not my goals were to keep my reviews more loose and in tune with the site. Devin’s stepped it up a notch and not since Smilin’ Jack and his Satanic knowledge of film has the site’s theatrical reviews been so tight. That said, I’ll take any comers in the DVD/Caption side of things. Thanks for the nice words, don’t be a stranger.


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Mitch to the right.April writes:
This doesn’t really have to do with your latest
Leak but I have a couple of questions that are probably stupid to the rest of
the non-blonde world…

First, what is
the Graboid? What are we meant to do? How do we participate? I don’t see an
explanation anywhere.

Second, how can I
sign up to be a part of the forums? I go to the forums page and their is no
login, register or any other similar word represented so I haven’t been able to
figure out how to do so.

Of course, both
of these may just be due to my blondeness…but they may be legitimate as well
(though I won’t hold my breath!).

the Bible, this is just a question because I really don’t have any concrete info
on this but, wasn’t it written over some immense period of time, like 1200 years
by some 30 different men?

Nick’s Reply: The goal of the Graboid is simple. Fun. There’s a message board thread for people to guess as well as an email link, but the ultimate goal is to provide a (semi) daily fun aspect of the site that allows for film fanatics to have a guess or ruminate on the many great films and moments from films throughout the years. Often, the screen grabs we take are of odd moments or ones that are hard to peg. We’ve only stumped everyone ONCE (House of Wax, suckers!), but at the end of the day it’s just another reason to come back daily (I hope). Here’s where to sign up at the forums.


Come around here often?


Mitch to the left!Chris writes:

Nick, you should make your commentary available for download (mp3) on the site. It would be a blast to queue it up while watching the movie (sorta like the "Stairway to Heaven" extra on Crowe’s Untitled DVD).

Nick’s Reply: Since there were so many people on the track, it’d be unfair to do something like that. Plus, it’s not like it’s the best commentary ever. There’s a lot of stuff where people just kind of repeated stuff from the IMDB trivia pages and whatnot. There’s some very funny stuff and good discussion too, but it’s not my place to make it available. If you’re ever here and want to hear it, I’ll let ya.


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Our Irish Reader Pipes Up.

Mitch to the right.Joe writes:

How’s the form??

Long time no write.

Been an exceptionally busy year for yours truly (a sentiment you can agree with no doubt) I have been moved to write on many occassions but never had the time.

So here I am in an airport waiting on a delayed flight and thought I would drop you a line.
Firstly to congratulate you on Left Turn’s publication.

Does this mean we wont get any more for free on the site??? I presume so. I’ll buy it anyway so thats one sale guaranteed.

Secondly I was wondering what is going on with MEG??

I know you guys are still in pre-production, but it would be great if you could let us know whats happening. A MEG diary perhaps. Just a thought.

Anyway Good Luck with that.

I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Nick’s Reply: Thanks for writing. Left Turn (or RON, which we are still doing on the sly) is no longer free on the site for a variety of reasons, the main one being that people just didn’t make the effort to support them in a way that justified doing them on the site. That said, the comic book of Left Turn is going to be considerably nicer and more polished than the stuff we put online, though it takes page directly after those moments. Please buy it, as I have a 70+ issue story to tell and really want to be able to do it. As for MEG, just stay tuned. It’s going to happen but the details are not ready to be shared. I have a very good idea on how to tackle my experiences with the film and it’ll be announced at a future date.

Oh, and The Transporter 2 (my review) is a blast.


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Special Edition.

Mitch to the left!Robert writes:

Heres some good feedback for Newell Todd since he complains about nobody reading that section. I read it each week, love the dvd discount section. I also like how it tells you what dvd extras to expect. This section isn’t ground-breaking but it does collect all the weeks dvd info that you don’t care to search for. So thats why i like it. Keep it coming.

Nick’s Reply: Thanks! It’s a really good column, and it figures that the one week there won’t be one (Newell is traveling) is the one I include a nice note about it in the letter column.


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.Joe writes:

I just want to say I really dig the site. I love The Steady Leak/Leak Letters and Special Edition, but the Daily Graboid keeps me coming back to the site throughout the day to see if it has yet updated.

I’m looking for some suggestions in the department of scary movies for the wife. She scares easily but the predicament I keep running into is meeting her criteria for ‘just scary enough’. The Ring is too scary since it’s an evil, unstoppable, demonic ghost that will kill anyone in a creepy fashion.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre or a zombie movie is too scary due to the high gore/suffering factor. She can handle the cheapo jumpscares and really loves vengeful ghost/haunted house movies like ‘What Lies Beneath’ or ‘Gothika’. I have thought of ‘John Carpenter’s The Fog’ or the original ‘Amittyville Horror’ -that might be pushing it- but wanted to get some ideas from you and Devin.

Nick’s Reply:
I don’t find a lot of films all that scary, but if you want some good but not too intense flicks I’d say to grab The Changeling, the original The Haunting, The Others, The Devil’s Backbone, Stir of Echoes, Carnival of Souls, and the odd numbered Exorcist films. It sounds like she has pretty low expectations from the two films you mentioned. These ought to up the ante.


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Mitch to the left!

Uranus Wiles writes:

I am in good health and have always enjoyed sex.
I was losing my erection during intercourse and during oral sex with my girlfriend.
It was difficult to pinpoint the problem so I decided to order some Vjagrra online.

I ordered my Vjagrra which arrived in several days. I ordered 4x100mg pills and on the weekend decided to give it a go without saying anything to my girlfriend ;) 35 minutes before we went to bed I took half a pill, and WOW! what a difference.

I had a rock hard erection for over an hour of non stop sex. Even afterI had climaxed I was ready to go again in twenty minutes, which we did. this lasted for over two hours, and I was still hard in the shower after.

It was like being a teenager over again. Amazing!

Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: "Miguel’s Story Hour" was the subject of this email. At the end of the day, any email from Uranus Wiles with that subject matter warrants a look. So, sure… I’ll have my cock chemically ruined thanks to your fun and odd little robot-assisted email.

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