cqaI haven’t played D&D in years, so remind me – do clerics get a Stinking Cloud spell? If so, Viggo Mortensen, the smelliest hunk in Hollywood, is the perfect casting in Teresa, a Spanish language film. He’ll be playing a cleric opposite the impossibly hot Paz Vega, who will in turn be playing the mystic St. Teresa of Avila.

St. Teresa isn’t one of the wackier saints, but she had her moments. As a child she convinced her brother to run away with her to find some Moors who would cut off their heads. She was really obsessed with being a big sinner. Later, when she was a nun, Teresa stopped talking to all her friends, on the orders of God himself. She gave Jesus some lip, too. “This is how I treat my friends,” he supposedly told her. “No wonder you don’t have that many friends,” she snapped. Oh no she di’nt!

Teresa went on to actually be pretty cool in her spiritual outlook, and believed not in doing penance for sins but just changing your fucking behaviour, which is really progressive, even today.

The film is going to be “near psychedelic,” and it’ll be filming next month. St Teresa is the patron saint of headaches, so if the film is too "near psychedlic," call out for her.

Remain unsure if Sonic Youth’s Theresa’s Sound World has anything to do with her on our message board!