The Sci-Fight was part of a subsection of CHUD way back in the day (around five years ago), back when the site’s readership was barely a decimal point of what it’s become. I recently came across these and was moderately amused, so I figured I’d share a little chunk of history for those who haven’t been with us for half a decade. Enjoy!

The titular cyborg of The Terminator. Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th series. Both relentless, remorseless, and seemingly unstoppable killing machines.

But what if it was Jason who was targeted for termination? How would he hold up against the mechanical hunter from the future? Only one way to find out: FIGHT!

Motivation
Programming Revenge

Essentially a flesh-coated robot, the Terminator assumes his missions (kill Sarah Connor, protect John Connor) because that’s how his brainchip is encoded. Jason takes his job a bit more personally: he drowned in a lake while two horny teen camp counselors were busy shagging — therefore all horny teens (and anyone else in the way) must pay dearly.

EDGE: Jason

Stomping Grounds
Los Angeles Camp Crystal Lake

Crystal Lake is practically a magnet for ready-to-slay teenagers, making Jason’s job easy. But the Terminator comes from a burned-out future L.A. to modern-day times with the task of finding one woman (and then one boy, and then one young man) in a city of millions.

EDGE: Terminator


Journey
Through Time To Manhattan

Jason leaves the confines of Camp Crystal Lake and ultimately winds up on a boat and chops his way to Manhattan, where he… does very little. The Terminator makes the difficult travel from decades in the future to present-day, arriving with the added insult of being buck naked.

EDGE: Draw

Methods
Lots of firepower Various stabbing/hacking weapons

Jason picks up anything laying around that may have a sharp edge, including axes, machetes and an array of gardening tools — and if there isn’t anything nearby he’ll just get creative (such as, say, slamming a sleeping bag against a tree with the victim still in it). The Terminator plans ahead, though, stopping by a local weapons store and stocking up on a big enough arsenal to level a police force. Foresight pays.

EDGE: Terminator

Tenacity
High Nearly immeasurable

The first Terminator gets his flesh charred off and then is blown in two, but doesn’t stop until he’s squashed in a large hydraulic press (his second incarnation willingly takes a dip in a pool of molten metal). Jason on the other hand is shot, stabbed, hacked, drowned, and ultimately blown to smithereens. And he still manages to return as a body-jumping spirit before ultimately being condemned to hell…which apparently couldn’t hold him, judging from his continued existence in Jason X.

EDGE: Jason

Nemesis
T-1000, T-X Tina the telekinetic

The only person to give Jason any sort of challenge is Tina, a young girl with strange mental abilities (who, ironically, is the one that inadvertently revives Jason). But the Terminator must contend with an artificially intelligent ‘polymimetic alloy’ that can impersonate anyone and become fluid at will, and a lethal blonde fembot who talks to machines.

EDGE: Terminator

Signature Headgear
wraparound Gargoyles
Hockey mask

Jason swipes a seemingly-innocent goalie mask from a dead teen, forever transforming it into a symbol of horror. But the Terminator looks pretty cool in those shades…

EDGE: Terminator

Return
brought back as amiable bodyguard brought back as mass murderer

After failing in his mission to terminate Sarah Connor, another model of the Terminator is emasculated when he is reprogrammed to protect her son (twice!) and is not allowed to exterminate any humans. Jason is reanimated by a lightning strike when Tommy (the boy who killed him) digs up his corpse, and he’s in an even worse mood than before. Irony wins.

EDGE: Jason

Appearances
Three Ten

The Terminator materializes to prevent a future occurrence by murdering a mother before she can birth a savior (and then returns twice to protect said savior). Jason has shown up on far more occasions to wreak carnage, but also suffers the affront of needing his kooky mommy to start the trend — and he’s later impersonated for an entire film while he takes a dirt nap. Despite his additional screentime and appearances, however, a masked stuntman simply cannot compete with The Arnold.

EDGE: Terminator

Body Count
Around 30

Over 100

The Terminator (before being brought back in non-lethal teddy-bear format) blows away two innocent women before shooting up a nightclub and a police station in single-minded pursuit of Sarah Connor. Taking over an assignment from his psychotic mother, Jason hacks through dozens of sex-crazed teens and random curious people. The numbers speak for themselves.

EDGE: Jason

Winner: Considering both are practically unkillable, this fight could quite possibly last for years. But in the end, the robotic Austrian Oak emerges victorious based on sheer star power.