I’ve spent several years meeting interesting people on-line. Some have turned out to be douchebags, others have turned to be decent people. Then, there is the other bracket. Those that are so bizarre that I have to share them with you. If others can see that they exist, maybe I can come to terms with their existence.

Today, I interview the Spymunk. He’s a life-long Chipmunk Size-Queen.

<Anderson> Who are you?

<Spymunk> I’m Spymunk, and I really do exist.  I’ve heard suggestions I’m not a real person, and that’s entirely untrue.  I’m 100 percent real. In fact, I’ll even go so far here as to point out that I will not lie even once during this interview.

<Anderson> 2) Why do you love the Chipmunks?

<Spymunk> There are two questions there, I think.  There’s the question of why I love the chipmunks, and there’s also probably the unspoken question of why I love Alvin.  I’ll answer the first part first, and then the second.

<Spymunk> As for why I love the Chipmunks, I honestly love to listen to their music.  The original Dave Seville recordings are actually quite funny, and there’s a lot more to them than their most famous song, “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late).”

<Spymunk> In fact, my favorite song from the Dave Seville years is one called “Japanese Banana” which is from a concept album where Dave and the boys travel the world and visit different countries.  If you haven’t heard “Japanese Banana” or “I Wish I Could Speak French,” you should really find them.

Aside from that, Dave Seville/Ross Bagdasarian is a talented songwriter whose tunes are often ridiculously catchy and whose songs are always great fun.  I get a genuine, honest joy out of listening to the Chipmunks that always makes me feel warm and happy.

<Anderson> 3) Why do you love Alvin?

<Spymunk> Everybody loves the Bad Boy!  There’s more to it than that, though.  When I was very young, my parents got me an LP of ‘The Alvin Show’ which featured Alvin on the cover, and for some reason I just felt the most intense fluttering in my stomach when I looked at that cover.  I don’t know why, because I was very young at the time, but I had the worst g-rated crush on him.

<Spymunk> When I actually listened to the songs on the album, and – over time – other songs of theirs, it just got worse and worse – I fell in love with a fictional character, and I never got over it.

<Spymunk> It’s mostly Alvin’s personality, the way he’s so confident and seems ready to try anything.  Seriously, I find that trait supremely attractive – confidence and a willingness to take a risk.  Alvin doesn’t make the biases of other people his big priority when he decides what he wants to do.  He sets his mind to goals and pursues them, and he never wavers in his self-confidence.


Also, check out the upcoming essay from X-Men Slash Author Billy Randolph. I don’t really know how to describe these pieces anymore. Consider this to be a deviant version of “This American Life”.