There’s been a lot of discussion lately regarding Jessica Alba’s preposterous posterior.  Okay, most of the discussion about said posterior has been done by me, but since I’m not allowed to touch or taste or otherwise be involved with it (at least according to my attorney), I’m damn well gonna talk about it. 

Anyway, Alba’s astounding ass and the person it’s attached to are apparently not involved with the big-screen remake of I Dream of Jeannie, as those recent rumors have since been branded as baloney.  But Alba will be putting her mind-boggling buttocks in another movie called Awake. 

This psychological thriller will also star legless ex-Jedi Hayden Christensen (wasn’t he threatening to retire or something?), who undergoes a major surgical procedure and shockingly finds himself conscious but incommunicative the whole time. I’m not sure what Alba is doing while this horrifying business is going on, but I pray that it involves her backside, which is really just a few atoms away from being completely impossible. Frankly, now that I think about it I’d rather see her make Honey 2: The Shakening.

Director Joby Harold makes his directing debut from his own script on the Weinstein Co. movie, which producer Joana Vicente claims “will do to surgery what Jaws did to swimming in the ocean”.  Which is so wonderful, because the average American’s substandard health and the increasing number of malpractice cases aren’t already cause for concern.

Man, how friggin’ fab is that fanny on our message boards!