Mailbagsukidoji:

Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column.

I’m
doing a decent job of doing one or possibly two of these letters
columns a week, but I think it might be a little better if you guys
just ask random stuff instead of things just relating to the column or
the recent letters installments.

Provided
it makes sense and applies to entertainment in some fashion, send me
whatever questions you’d like! Also, since the Leak is less frequent
than I’d like, I’ll toss a few value added things in here from now on.

With that said, here we go….

Today’s Photo From Life:


I walked into the kid’s section of Barnes & Noble (nice bumping into ya there, Mr. Davis) and this was just like this. A tiny harbinger or the beginning of something wonderful?

Come around here often?

The Fact This Exists Is Hilarious.


THANK GOD THE POOL IS GEOMETRIC!

Diary of a Black Man.

Mitch to the left!Ron writes:

Nick, concerning Diary of a Black Woman. As a black man, I wouldn’t have
given this movie 1 out 10, let alone the 3 out of 10 that you gave it. This was
the worst disaster ever conceived. Below is what I had to say about this movie
at another site.

"I think this critic was not hard
enough on this mess! This was literally the biggest mess ever concocted.
Madea’s character is a comedic caricature who belongs in slapstick, campy
comedy, not a serious dramatic film. The writing and sets were horrible. It
looked like a hodge podge mass of mess with different scenes from different
types of movies just being thrown together. I give it zero stars. And I am
actually a fan of the character Madea when she is on a stage doing campy
comedy. That is where she needs to stay. This is the worst movie of all
times."

I’m not a movie critic, just a guy who
likes to enjoy good movies. This was not one of them! I don’t know what Tyler
Perry was thinking. I just had to share that with you.


Nick’s Reply: I have to admit, whenever I get anything that features "as a black man…" in it I always brace for the worst. As a white man I expect one of my off-the-cuff statements to be interpreted wrong by someone. Thankfully, my comment that "I was disappointed that Nicole Kidman’s recent horror flick wasn’t a re-imagining of Birth of a Nation" wasn’t taken wrong. That was a joke, by the way. Yeah, I think bad films cross racial lines, this being a prime example. Apparently Tyler Perry makes more money than most mints but it doesn’t make him talented, just a good marketer with his finger on the pulse of an audience. Thanks for the real letter, as a greasy man, I appreciate it.

(SEND A LETTER)

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A Demand!

Mitch to the right.Roger writes:

I do
not know if this is possible but when you are showing the Weekend Box Office
report I would like to see a column that shows how much a film cost as well.
This will give a very good idea of what movies are actually making money and the
type films we will see in the future. You guys do a great
job!

Nick’s Reply: That info isn’t always available and when it is, it’s rarely accurate. I see different numbers listed in different places and there’s always the extra tonnage to consider in terms of marketing. So, I don’t think we would feel safe listing info that’s so sketchy. Thanks for reading the box office column, though. It’s an unsung section and Dave rocks it every week.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Tall Order.

Mitch to the left!Keith writes:

Hey man, caught your "Phantasm" commentary whilst searching for info, and I couldn’t agree more. I refuse to accept anyone other than Angus, for he IS the Tall Man. That’s just as bad as these morons who want to do an "A-Team" movie… without the original TV cast, what’s the point? I don’t understand why Coscarelli can’t just end the series & try something original instead of all these remakes.

Well peace man. Maybe Hollywood will put out something worth watching before 2010.

Nick’s Reply: One of the things that irks me is the idea that these shows were any good to begin with. The A-Team? If that shit hit the air today it’d be laughed off the planet. It’d be V.I.P. but yeah, you can’t replace Angus Scrimm. Someone emailed me a decent suggestion of Bill Nighy, but I think a lot of people already have a preconception when they see him whether it be from Shaun of the Dead, Love Actually, or The Nighy Before Christmas.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Cave Dwelling.

Mitch to the right.Tyler writes:

love the site as always
i was suprised though to see no reviews or coverage
of ‘the cave’, which i just saw last night, on your site – actually on any
of the movie sites i frequent. they probably didn’t have screenings or whatever
to get the advance word out, but i really liked the movie and think its a genre
flick people would want to support. mainly the kinda people who support movies
like ‘deep rising’ and the like.
it delivered pretty much what the trailer promised,
which is pretty rare these days, extremely rare actually. i’d write a review but
i’m not really a good writer, so i guess i’d just recommend seeing it and if you
like it letting people know. or if you dont, that’s fair.
i like those kinda movies (‘slither’ is next on my
waiting for list, and hopefully ‘the descent’ will be worthwhile, though sounds
like they condensed the book a ton), and i want them to do well to get more of
them made.

Nick’s Reply: I started to write a review, but when a studio doesn’t let us see a film until the day before it arrives it’s really hard to make the time to cobble a review together. Plus, I was hoping to get my Serenity and Transporter 2 reviews up and I did. The Cave disappointed me a lot. I thought I was going to get one thing and I got something totally different. A joyless film. Something polished but without any sort of personality. Making matters worse, it was not intelligent enough to justify the somber tone. Poo, I tell you!

(SEND A LETTER)

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P&V.

Mitch to the left!Jay writes:

Nick, I have noticed a trend of things evolving (as nature does to things) on the site and that is always a good thing. But there is one thing that I loved so dearly from the old Leak and that was the Piss N’ Vinegar bit. It was a two or three shot thing in Movie Insider, and I loved it there as much as I did on the front page. And now I am missing still. Will it make a come back? Maybe some more Hollywoodn’ts? Please? I promise to send you a better gift this Christmas!

Nick’s Reply: Screw it. Starting next week I’m going to try and go back to a weekly Leak schedule and see if I can pull it off. What I need from you folks is support. Send letters, click around the site and realize just how much content we have, and tell your friends. I’ll get off my ass if you do.

(SEND A LETTER)

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IGN and Beyond.

Mitch to the right.Alan writes:

Imagine my surprise when I checked out IGN today for my biweekly visit to find your newsbyte concerning Evil Dead 2: the Interminable Yet No Less Compulsory Edition. Imagine even MORE of said surprise when I found a key in my tiny apartment-style honeycomb mailbox, indicating something larger than a debt remittance request awaited me in the parcel boxes. As I was expecting nothing, imagine now the delight I found when I discovered a package with a CHUD.com return address. Now, please erase from your mind the fact that I used such an unfortunately effeminate word as "delight". Thanks. I visit the site daily (more than I check my mail), often three or more times a day, but somehow had missed checking to see if I had won a CHUDtest. To find that I had won something as significant (to me) as a media mail envelope of muppety goodness from my favorite website really made my day. Assuming more than five folks entered I feel truly privileged. You have my gratitude. As
thanks: some worthless opinions.

1. Fuck off, I say, to those whose dislike of Devin, et al, leads to requests to remove or censor their contributions. Variety is the spice of life and though not one of the crew synch up 100% with my own opinions, I always enjoy seeing the other side of the argument and concede to the fact that, no, not everyone is going to love Gremlins 2 with as much passion as I do. I can move past that.

2. Hail to the Podcasts! Recent technical issues brought up by other readers, such as interstials being aurally overwhelming, remain valid, but I have to say that I am in love with the format otherwise. One of the only things I miss about living at home is the fact that I can’t listen to my favorite talk radio station (though in truth I understand this station to be devoid of most of its vim and vigor these days), but your podcasts are just the thing to take it’s place. And since it’s (almost) always on the topic of film, and discussed in a manner I relate to, it is made all the more sweeter. I cherish these, no joke.

3. Quite looking forward to the fact that Ron shall one day soon be retinal-transferred in CMYK as well as RGB, and will certainly pony up to purchasing the forthcoming collection once its release and my income align. This should almost certainly also result in at least one CHUDshirt investment as well.

Welp, just wanted to finally let loose some commentary for such a wonderful site; a site that has deservedly captured the coveted top spot in my uber-exclusory "Staples" bookmark folder (even though it’s far easier to type in the url). People tend to be more vocal with complaints than praise and though you seem to "print" a balanced sampling and the bile is often quite amusing, I think CHUD is more deserving of love than most sites out there get.


Nick’s Reply: You’re pretty much the best thing ever.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Joss.

Mitch to the left!Aidan writes:


Love the site! As a 17 year-old, I don’t get all the references, but the articles are informative and funny (I think Devin is great and gets too much shit). I’m think the podcasts would be a bit too obscure for me so I haven’t listened to them. I love the Leak (but I think it should just be shortened to "The Leak") and wish it could come more regularly, but whenever you can is great (also I think integrating elements of it into the Leak Letters page is a good idea).

I’m writing mainly to talk about Whedon and Serenity. I haven’t seen it yet, but I am absolutely positive that I will disagree with your review. I don’t know why people like myself are so enamoured by his work, but it seems nothing that he touches (that studios don’t interfere with) can be bad. I mean it’s been 9 years since Buffy started and still there are fans, like myself, doggedly following his every move. (Having said that, I think Wonder Woman will be interesting, in that it is not his own creation). What is it about him that can inspire such devotion in fans? I would love to hear your opinions on the matter. Also, what did you think of Veronica Mars? I thought it kicked ass, but then that’s probably because it’s like Buffy sans the Vampires.

Nick’s Reply: Your suggestion in the first paragraph has a result! Notice the "fact this exists…" picture up above. As for the Whedon flick, the reason I can’t take your comments too seriously is the fact that you’ve already figured out how you’re going to like the film. What if my review is correct? Are you man enough to admit it? I never saw Veronica Mars, but only because it was Veroica Mars on our message board thread for so long.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Spawn.

Mitch to the right.Thor writes:

I see where you’re coming from, Nick. We’d all get along better if we knew what our friends’ real names were, and besides, it’s clear that there really aren’t any good screen names left.

On the other hand, I think a lot of us are still nervous about who else besides our friends has access to our real names. It’s not like I keep mine a closely-guarded secret– I make it available to anyone who asks. In my case, though, it’s extra weird because nobody believes my real name is real either and it often gets confused with other users’ made-up screen names.

I’ll change my screen name if it will help expedite DVD deliveries (still no sign of FOLLOW THE FLEET, by the way), but I won’t be responsible for misdirected Comic Column mail.

Nick’s Reply: Nah, keep the name. One thing: I need to cancel new registrations again. What a load of shills we’ve been hit with.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Winner.

Mitch to the left!Louis writes:

Hello, I have never received my contest prize from wayyy
back in December. Is there anything to be done?

Nick’s Reply: Yes.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Addicted to Bad.

Mitch to the right.Jeremy writes:

Am I wrong to think Addicted to Love is brilliant?
I mean, Tchéky Karyo is easily one of the best character actors working today
(or… in the ’90s), and I just don’t know if Matthew Broderick’s ever been
funnier. Shouldn’t Griffin Dunne be making more movies like this? Hey, this
movie even makes me like Meg Ryan for a couple hours. And when she mentions
sleeping naked, I PICTURE IT! Is something wrong with me?!

Nick’s Reply: To answer your question, yes you are wrong to think that Addicted to Love is brilliant.

(SEND A LETTER)

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SPAM OF THE DAY!

Mitch to the left!

ggqvwyjcevm writes:

My best friend always says if you can not satisfy your
lady you won’t be able to be a success in other deeds. But very often
when you are over 30 it happens that you are at a
loss… We have found an easy way out which will save your
nerves, health and money – Cialis


Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: I agree! I know that when I got a ticket for driving with expired tags on Sunday it was because I didn’t satisfy my lady the night before. I was watching the DVD of Lost and she went to bed early. What was I to do? Satisfy her sleeping form? Wake her with dick? Life’s crisis are myriad my good friend ggqvwjcevm.

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