I think we all need at least one really nice positive thing about the entertainment business every single day of the year, including weekends. Sometimes it may be something simple, like a video that showcases something fun and sometimes it may be a movie poster that embraces the aesthetic we all want Hollywood to aspire to. Sometimes it may be a long-winded diatribe. Sometimes it’ll be from the staff and extended family of CHUD.com. Maybe even you readers can get in on it. So, take this to the bank. Every day, you will get a little bit of positivity from one column a day here. Take it with you. Maybe it’ll help you through a bad day or give folks some fun things to hunt down in their busy celluloid digesting day.
By David Oliver: Author Page
What I’m Thankful For
I’ve been catching Skinemax for the last 20 minutes or so while trying to come up with a subject for my WITF. Then it occurred to me that the answer was right in front of my eyes…moaning and groaning. Not even sure why I actually have Skinemax right now because I don’t remember ordering Cinemax from DirecTV. It just sort of showed up one day (somebody remind me to follow up with them that tomorrow, would you? Thanks). Anyway, Skinemax provided a much needed service to my generation back in the day. Porn wasn’t quite as easy to come by as it is now, especially if one didn’t have a VCR, an and it’s nice to see that, while Cinemax’s movie selection is thoroughly dogshit right now, that Skinemax is till offering a quality product. Skinemax is sort of the professional wrestling of porn: all the drama without the distraction of reality. Say what you want about soft core, the chicks are just as hot as in regular adult entertainment, and frequently nowhere near as skanky; and there’s I don’t know, not quite that guilty feeling when partaking in a viewing of it. I mean hell, what I’m looking at isn’t much worse than that Angelina Jolie / Ethan Hawke sex scene in Taking Lives…and this story is actually better.
Skinemax is sort of air-popped popcorn with a sprinkle of salt while regular popcorn is the oil-fried shit that’s slathered in butter. I used to wonder how the dude onscreen wasn’t decorating the actress and the camera with himself considering how instensely fake the action gets in these movies. Take for instance the scene I’m watchig right now: one guy just fakebanged some chick with cans the size of those two nipple-shaped domes in The Naked Gun that reminded Frank his ex. Problem is that she was his neighbor and not his girl. But not to worry, she joined them and now there’s a tri-fake-ta going on. Oh, and there’s a pilgrim in the scene post-coitus. Not sure what that’s about. But really though, does the guy have to duct tape his junk down or something? Because aside from the actual nuisance of insertion, the scene is pretty, um, lively.
Doubtless Skinemax has lost much of the impact that it may have had with the readily available real thing everywhere you turn. I bet teens today probably look at it and laugh. They’re sexting racier shit than that at any given moment. Anyway, I haven’t caught too much of Skinemax in the past ten years or so, because I usually don’t have Cinemax very often. But it’s just nice – and somewhat nostalgic – to see that even some 20+ years after I used to catch it as a teen, that there’s still some decent fakesex to be had.