Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column.

I’m doing a decent job of doing one or possibly two of these letters columns a week, but I think it might be a little better if you guys just ask random stuff instead of things just relating to the column or the recent letters installments.

Provided it makes sense and applies to entertainment in some fashion, send me whatever questions you’d like! Also, since the Leak is less frequent than I’d like, I’ll toss a few value added things in here from now on.

With that said, here we go….

Today’s Photo From Life:

Why isn’t this a whorehouse?

Come around here often?

Devin is a Pile of Cocks.

Mitch to the left!Jeremy writes:

With all the letters and hate mail and
basically calls for the execution of Devin Faraci, I figured I’d stand up and
call "bullshit." While Devin may be the reason alot of people leave, he’s one
of the many reasons why I stay. He’s an excellent writer – his reviews and
interviews are always a tremendous read. He probably adds more daily non-MB
content to the site than anyone else. He has a great sense of humor and never
fails to make me laugh. As far as his message board antics – I don’t see it.
Sure he jumps in with a snarky little comment here and there, but more often
than not the person to whom he was making the comment walked right into it. I
think it’s just become "cool" to hate Devin. So, since I’ve never been the
posterboy for coolness myself, I’ll stand up and say Fuck em, Dev. Alot of us
think you’re great – keep it all up.

Nick’s Reply: You’re wrong. He’s total shit. If it wasn’t for his massive reacharounds he’d have been kicked to the streets ages ago.


Come around here often?

Love and Hate.

Mitch to the right.Donnie writes:

I just wanted to shoot you a quick letter to let you know how much I
appreciate the site, since apparently there’s never enough feedback coming in
these days. I think that The Steady Leak is perfection and hope that you keep it
going until you just can’t stand it anymore. I enjoy hearing your personal rants
and raves, and my only complaint about the column is that it doesn’t appear more
The one thing I might just love even more than the Leak are the podcasts.
Nothing makes my sluggish work day more enjoyable than being able to hear you
guys talk about movies and throw out random Robert Z’Dar references while I slog
through paperwork. I’ve also seen people suggest to you that you guys do your
own podcast movie commentaries, which I think would be awesome. I hope that a
lack of feedback doesn’t end up doing the podcasts in, because having a new one
each week has been a hell of a lot of fun.

Of course, I have to throw in at least one complaint, so this e-mail isn’t
overwhelmed with puppies and dandelions. I love The Special Edition column in
theory — it’s great to see a list of the new DVDs coming out, and it’s
especially helpful to have a price list posted so I know what store I should
head to after work. However, and I’m sure I’m not the first to mention this,
Newell Todd’s writing style drives me absolutely insane. It’s overflowing with
random tangents and jokes that make absolutely no sense to anyone outside of his
personal bubble, and it really does nothing for me. It’s a pain in the ass to
have to skim through his pointless rambling just to see what the extra features
on the DVD are. This column needs to be a little more lean and mean, and less
with the poor attempts at humor.

Oh yeah, and Thor’s column is also excellent. I’ve picked up more than a
few comics because of his suggestion, and I haven’t been let down yet.

Nick’s Reply: Before you rail on Newell’s column, head on over to the MB thread devoted to it. Never before has so much work gotten so little response (which is saying something at this site), and still he cranks out the massive missive each week. He has his style, one that repels a few people but has an equal amount if not more chomping at the bit for it on Sunday or Monday. I know I do, though I usually sneak over and read it before it goes live. I think emailing him would be the way to go, though I like the column just the way it is. As for the other stuff, thanks a bunch. The Podcasts are a lot of fun and I think if more people subscribe to them they may lead to other places. I spoke to some XM folks a while back about a CHUD show. You just never know.


Come around here often?

It is Special!

Mitch to the left!Eric writes:

Just wanted to drop a line and say that the Special Edition kicks ass. The
reviews are interesting and the comparison shopping list at the end of the
column has saved my wallet from being penetrated unnecessarily. If we could
only get the Videodrome column as often. Also, the Steady Leak is sorely
missed. I know that it’s a big commitment and a pain in the butt to do, but I
sent out more links to those articles than just about anything else on the net.
I hope that you and yours are doing well and thanks again for all the good

Nick’s Reply: You and Donnie up above ought to hang out.


Come around here often?

Letter from a Real Bounty Hunter.

Mitch to the right.Bobby writes:

THUD is a no brainer when your talking about Duane Chapman, Dog the Bounty
Hunter. The show is definitely more than a hit.

I have been in the business of arresting people for 35 years. I have worked
with every type of investigator in the world. I have spent thousands of hours on
DEATH ROW in Florida and Texas interviewing serial murderers OTTIS TOOLE and
HENRY LEE LUCAS. I am a former homicide detective, narcotics agent and
undercover agent for the Colorado Organized Crime Strike Force, working directly
under the Colorado Attorney General.

The title BOUNTY HUNTER is not close to describing DOG. He is an
INVESTIGATOR with a talent that no other human on the planet has. He has a sense
for tracking fugitives that no other BOUNTY HUNTER or INVESTIGATOR on this earth
is blessed with.

I can qualify this as a person that has arrested every type of FUGITIVE
from petty crimes to multiple murders.

I have been blessed to work with him and his crew and I learn every minute
of every search. I learn from him while we are simply preparing to go on a

The show is a HIT because it is GENUINE. I have personally known Beth for
15 years. What the public sees is exactly the way they really are.

May they be blessed with many more exciting seasons and bless our nation
with their capture of FUGITIVES that no one else on earth can apprehend?

If you care to find out more about me and what I stand for, please visit
our website at

Thank you for your time.

Nick’s Reply: Since you’re the real deal, I gotta ask. What’s Bossk like in real life?


Come around here often?

Race Ya!

Mitch to the left!Kirk writes:

"Gettin’ all racial and shit."

I see points that I both disagree and agree with in your piss, Nick. I feel that somes with issues so tender (raw?), I can’t throw hate on it and watch it burn. As in any worthwhile topic, discourse is needed to see things through.

As a film lover (and intermittent watcher of TV, as well) who is black, I agree with the fact that there’s not really much out there that captures the complexity, diversities and experiences of Black life. The thing about it is, we only see what the executives let us–safe, non-challenging films and movies and their retread sequels.

I have many theories on the whole deal with the late 90’s glut of Taye Diggs movies where he’s a Yuppie who has to settle down with somebody who doesn’t let him forget his roots–some one who "keeps it real."

Also, the "Urban" straight-to-dvd section has it’s ups and downs, but mostly downs. Everytime I see the cover art for "The Watermelon Heist," I shake my head. Perhaps it is an uplifting tale, but from outward appearances, it’s a hard sell. Maybe it’s my fault, and not the filmmakers’, that I never give Hood Zombie movies a chance. That’s a entirely different post, though.

The thing about the Black Fiction Section is that at an outward glance, It seems like some separatist move. However, I find it convenient, because me or someone like my sister (who’s really getting into noted writers and stories for the first time) can easily access them. Black Fiction may as well be Science Fiction, figuratively speaking. I know we’d all like to think that if Black Fiction got absorbed into regular fiction, everything would be all right. However, that’s not the world in which we live. Only decades have passed since blacks were allowed to legally read, let alone publish fiction. I have the feeling that putting black fiction back into regular fiction would be akin to forced integration of public schools. On the outside, it puts liberal minds at ease, but on the inside, the children were put into situations and dualities that no one could have accounted for. By no means am I saying that I’m for segregation, but I am for acknowledgement of achievements and things long denied to certain cultures. Many people would like to treat issues of race and gender as though they were static things. However, in the words of gifted author Michael Eric Dyson, they have "a quality of fretful aliveness."
This argument about rights applies to things like Black History Month as well. People I know would be quick to say either:

"Why Not Have White History Month,"
"Why BET,"
or "Why not have channels for everyone?" Like say, asian/hispanic/samoan channels.

The thing is, for the first 2 i say "that’s everything else that’s on tv/in the history books!"
and for the 3rd, I say that’s for the executives to figure out. Some of the things that other races and cultures thumb their nose at are the only things that certain cultures are able to access, because of what executives in the media have allowed to air.

For years my angry protest of dreck on the airwaves and theatres fell upon deaf ears. I believe that unless something is again allowed to break the mold and remain free from co-opting (by the way, I am speaking of Racial Fantasyland, pop. Me), then we’ll get the same old thing.

Thanks for your time.

Now it’s time for me to backflip off my soapbox and find the next Being Bobby Brown marathon. Complexity!

Nick’s Reply: We
have a channel for soccer. We have several food channels. Heck, ESPN2 might as well be called ESPOKERN. BET makes sense. I just feel that folks like your sister should have the whole spectrum of options presented to her without a hitch rather than just one segregated section that isn’t segregated but rather foisted as its own thing. Black fiction isn’t any different or better than other fiction. It’s the same thing. That it’s written by black folks about black folks is irrelevant. Literature is literature. When it says "African American Interest" it’s a little less obvious why it’s separate and has an almost charming vibe like how regional Barnes & Noble shops have sections skewed towards the area the store is located. Still, it sucks to me and it’s not a racial bias on my part but rather a reaction to focus group bullshit or pussy white people bending over backwards to feel like they have done some great service. Either way, there’s no real right or wrong answer. We all bring our own baggage. I’ve been going back and forth on this in the Steady Leak message board thread and I think that neither he or I has had a rough life and neither have you probably. It’s just middle-class people talking. I’m sure the points would be different. I just feel that people try too damn hard and living in Atlanta I see that the black community isn’t just getting by, they’re doing great. It’s not like a special section in the book store means much. Nor does giving the black sports show the prime time slot on 790 The Zone. It’s because a lot of people realize that people are people and treat them like people. Instead of drawing attention to the differences, just embrace the similarities. Ah, screw it. Blacks and whites both suck. Long live the Hispanic.


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.David writes:

From the latest leak letters…

"Jennifer writes:
The term "quadriplegic" refers to one who has been paralysed in both arms and both legs, a fact backed by The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language and Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary . So do the characters of Murderball wheel around in the style of Captain Christopher Pike, or are they in fact "just" paraplegics?

Nick’s Reply: I give up. Devin tells me one thing and people email me with contrarian opinions. I don’t know if the handicapped community has redefined their situation or if perhaps there’s a bit of leeway with the terms. Either way, when I came to my own personal life crossroads I chose to write jokey comments on film and not practice science. Hopefully Devin gets to the root of this in his next ‘Shout at the Devil’ letters column. Thanks for writing, Jen."

First of all I love the Leak and I’m glad to see it whenever it makes an appearance…now on to this debate about quad- vs. paraplegics, the first thing I want to say it "GO SEE THE MOVIE" its and incredible movie and I want to thank Devin for reviewing, doing the interviews, and continuing to pimp on the site. I probably would of waited for the DVD, but I am very glad I choose to see this over Wedding Crashers and I highly recommend it to all the Chewers.

The answer to the quad- vs. para- is explained in the movie. From Websters, a paraplegic is defined as " paralysis of the lower half of the body with involvement of both legs"; while a quadriplegic was defined by Jen. The confusion that most people have is that they are assume that it must be total paralysis of the arms (I did before seeing the movie) and we are expecting all quadriplegics to be like Christopher Reeves. However, depending on the severity and location of the spinal injury that leads to the paralysis, quadriplegics can have partial use of their arms. In the movie you will see that different players can’t close their hands or rotate their arms. The movie and one of Devin’s interviews talk about how the players are graded on a scale of 0.5 – 3.5 depending on how much use they have in their arms and hands. I hope this settles some of the debate, although I wouldn’t mind hearing Devin chime in and pimp the movie so more.

Again thanks for continuing the Leak and for making CHUD my preferred on-line destination and remomber GO SEE MUDERBALL.

Nick’s Reply: OK! See, there’s a point system people. It’s not just some random thing that isn’t backed up by fact. There is such a thing of having the use of your arms and still being a quadriplegic. Now, go see Murderball!


Come around here often?

We Need Medicine.

Mitch to the left!Chris writes:

I thoroughly enjoyed STEALTH as well. I went in with low expectations (as I tend to do with most films actually), so it was a pleasant surprise to find a fun film with more to it than any of the trailers alluded to. I think that was one of the reasons why it bombed. For once, the trailers to a film didn’t show *enough* of what was in the movie. Flying jets; Jessica Biel’s ass; an AI-controlled jet; Biel, Foxx and Lucas talking about threesomes; more flying jets. Ho-hum. Is that all the movie is about? Well, I discovered that there was quite a bit more to the movie. And there were even some things that I either didn’t see coming, or expected to see and never came.

In my opinion, my friend Bryan and I got our money’s worth at the theatre.
Nobody else did though, since we were the only two people there.


Nick’s Reply: It pains me to see this film doing so poorly because it’s just so bad/good that I want it to spawn little Stealth sequels. It may still, only they’ll be headlined by Olivier Gruner. Although Torque is the total champion bad film that’s great, this one has merit. Too bad they tried to have a plot and acting and shit. They failed, but that stuff is overrated.


Come around here often?

What a Difference a Year Makes.

Mitch to the right.Jeff writes:

I just had a quick question for you. I was reading your review for Nip/Tuck Season Two and you mention in the "sound" section that that opening song is "one of few [you] don’t fast forward through."

However, in your review of season One, you say that you " go without hearing the shows opening song for the rest of [your] life."

What changed your opinion on the song? Just curious.

Nick’s Reply: I have no explanation except that for some reason it helped me get into the mood of the show this time around. Before, it was just bland to me. Not bland in a Norah Jones/Natalie Merchant way but in a commercial/infomercial sort of way. A year later it seems like a perfect pad between the teaser segment and the meat of the show. Look, I can grow. I’m capable!


Come around here often?


Mitch to the left!Brad writes:

Sorry to be a pedant, but your response the leak letter about the definitions of
quagdriplegia / paraplegia made me wanna get to the truth of the matter myself.
My exhaustive research took me to the bowels of the internet, where I

Quadriplegia is a loss of the ability to move and/or feel both
arms, both legs, and the parts of the body below the area of injury to the
spinal cord, which is what causes the condition to occur.

Paraplegia is
a paralysis of the legs and sometimes lower body.

Sorry bud, you owe John
an apology. Or if not an apology, at least a tickle to the nads.

Keep up
the good work.

Nick’s Reply: Scroll up, sucka!


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.JSW writes:

Dude. Forget the graboid. Each day should have a picture of a Nunziata clone! I even saw a Nunziata clone this past Friday. Few things would be good for a laugh on a daily basis than random pics of a Nick clone.

I do not mean this in a malicious fashion. I just loved the pics in today’s Leak Letters.

Nick’s Reply: More pictures of me is never a good idea for anyone. That said, I have no shame in sharing pictures of my little dreamer:

This past Sunday at the Braves game. By this point she had lemonade, ice cream, ketchup, and who knows what else caked in her clothes and hair but she had some serious fun. She loves baseball and I hope there are hundreds more days like this one for us.

About four months ago. That looks says it all.


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Mitch to the left!

Su writes:

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Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: Wet anthem skillet soldier. Fuel shark, never Jew!
Gravy enterprise, face frame goat giggle! Harness smoke, pill, kill puppet. Junk
hymen. Paper people pole problems, six! Underachieve when dick. Comma.
Earth dot but you harpsichord malamute. Train!

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