The 1996 classic Kazaam (directed by Starsky himself, Paul Michael Glaser*) has only one lonely little item in its IMDb Trivia section:

In the movie Max didn’t know much about his dad, in real life Francis Capra also didn’t know much about his own dad

I don’t know why, but that just seems so right. For all the questions we might have about the greatest Shaq vehicle of the late 90s (OR IS IT?! HOLD THAT THOUGHT!), I think this says it all. ┬áRapping genies and daddy issues go hand-in-hand like bundt cake and Hansen’s disease** That said, if you haven’t seen Kazaam, you’re doing yourself a disservice. It’s got all the excitement of Shaq Fu, but at least three times the amount of food magically raining down from the skies. Yes, Kazaam is actually the first, superior film adaptation of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. How many ghetto blasters are in the newer, animated version? Advantage Kazaam.


But is it The Diesel’s best work post-Blue Chips, pre-Freddy Got Fingered? Let’s not forget about Steel! As if we could. Any movie in which the climax consists of Shaq attempting to shoot a free throw with a grenade is worthy of at least some consideration. Also notable is Dr. O’Neal’s costar Ray J, best known for his 2007 tour-de-force performance in Kim Kardashian’s vagina.

Steel also featured Judd Nelson and Annabeth Gish, which pretty much says it all.

So which is it – Kazaam or Steel? Which movie defined Shaq’s supreme shaqness (shaqitude? shaqosity? I’m sure he’s used all these words in conversation at some point) in the late 90s? The answer is of course neither, but in fact his cameo appearance in the film Good Burger.

Because no matter what comes in life, when all else fails: Good Burger.

[end of side a. please turn the tape over to side b.]


*I’ve always felt he should have changed his name to Paul Michael Laser, maybe around the time he made The Running Man. Life would have probably worked out better for him.

**Not to be confused with Hanson’s disease, aka The Screaming Mmmbops.