Mailbagsukidoji:

Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column. With that said, here we go….

Come around here often?

Casting Pods.

Mitch to the left!Tyler writes:

hey there, my name is tyler, long time reader and i am now a subscriber to your podcasts which are fuckin hilarious dude. when u guys did the whole jokes about podcasts i was laughin my ass off. anyways, i was just goin through old reviews cuz i was bored and i decided to read one of my fav movies of last year, team america. in devins take of that movie, he said it was trey and matts second movie which i just have to correct u guys on, now i dont know if it was a typo or if u 2 r missing out on some classic matt and trey movies, but team america is the fourth movie those 2 have made.

cannibal the musical is the first one and orgazmo was the seond one. both movies i almost cried laughing at. if u have never seen them then i suggest u either go buy it now, or just shoot urself cuz they r true indie movie classics. and if u have, u can save the money on the bullets. but ya, i just thought i would make sure u guys knew about that, incase u never saw these 2 incredible films. anyways, im out to listen to the podcasts again. cya latr


Nick’s Reply: Thanks for correcting us on the error. I really am thrilled people are digging the Podcasts. I’m trying to make sense of our third one, editing my ass off to eliminate the long silences, bizarre cell phone feedback, and numerous bad jokes. Hear the first two HERE.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Lance Guest Never Got This Love, Did He?

Mitch to the right.Gabe writes:

I was just reading your comments on Lance Armstrong over-saturation, and wanted
to comment. Thank you for saying in a public forum what I’ve been saying to
friends and family for a months. As someone who’s lived with cancer for over a
year, I’d say one of the greatest indignities I’ve suffered is the multiple
copies of Armstrong’s book I was sent by well meaning friends and family. I have
respect for the man, of course, but find no solace in his frankly freakish
survival. I think the Nike ads are in very bad taste as a human being, not as a
cancer patient. I don’t like it when public figures are magically voted in as
spokespersons for an entire group of people, especially when I apparently missed
the vote. Not that I really want anybody to speak for me.

Nick’s Reply: I just think that the touchy-feely aspects of Lance’s life took too much a front seat in the marketing world. It’s the right idea in a way, but how much did the sports media really give a damn about the Tour De France in the grand scheme until he came along? I think it’s the media’s need to create heroes, the current jingoistic disdain for France, and this rampant love affair with rubber bracelets that annoys me. Lance is a legendary athlete, no doubt but there are thousands of cancer survivors out there in what I would assume are more important and underappreciated fields. He rides a bicycle, for Joe’s sake. Admittedly, a lot of my grumpiness comes from the periphery that Armstrong has nothing to do with. I do think that people are idiots to think that by wearing a rubber bracelet or putting a sticker on their car absolves them of guilt or provides admittance into some intangible club. Even if they’re bought by a donation, it seems on many cases to be more about having the physical item to show off than what the item represents. In short, I think the stuff that pisses me off most isn’t Lance Armstong himself but rather the hoopla surrounding him.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Little Debbie Has a Death For You!

Mitch to the left!Merle writes:

Radio Show Clips -

I damn near pissed my pants listening to the older CHUD radio clips (I would assume form the old site since one of the clips was the Oscars a few years ago…). Especially the John Rogers interview. Fantabulous. Please tape more interviews. I’ll listen! I promise!

PS- I tried to send you cupcakes, but FedEx Ground lost my package. The bastards probably ate them. I’ll send more :)

Nick’s Reply: Glad you liked them, though it was out goal to have you vomit in your pants when you listened to them. Vomit is much more rare than piss. As for doing more interviews, it’s planned but I honestly don’t have the technology yet to record telephone interviews with any semblance of good quality. Those early recordings were done at the ClearChannel station in town. As for cupcakes, I’m sort of glad they didn’t arrive. I’m sure they were poisoned.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Impatient Dan.

Mitch to the right.Ryan writes:

You’ve
recently put faces behind the online man-personalities of Devin and Dave, and
even though I always pictured them as large and black, it’s a cool thing. So my
question is: how long before we get to see what the real life Nunz looks like?
Though it would be hard to top interacting with a midget and licking a
producer.

.Nick’s Reply: I guess you never saw my CNN appearance where I showed one of the many ways to execute a nice firm bitchslap. I haven’t put any photos up in ages because I tend to take the photos, not appear in them. I’ll be making it a point to showcase more photos in the near future. In fact, I did a San Diego pictorial that I never ran, so you just gave me the inspiration to run it right here, so thanks.

Without further ado, here is the odd but entertaining collection of photos from this year’s San Diego/Canada trip. Not many, but they’ll do:


Here’s me thanking the Star Wars franchise for the prequels:


The first time I’ve seena Hill Giant in person:

Devin, shortly before his death:

The worst of the many regurgitated 80’s fashion trends:

A bathroom that preys on man’s two biggest weaknesses:

"Thanks for pissing in me":

Devin, shortly during his death:

Never buy a condo from a hoofed animal:

(SEND A LETTER)

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The Weller of Solds.

Mitch to the left!Tyler writes:

Just to let you know that Peter Weller will be playing a role in the upcoming feature film "Prey". Hope this increases the excitment factor as Robocop meets I, Robot.

Camera Tests were done with the lions the other day and the footage looks great!

Nick’s Reply: There was a time when Peter Weller’s presence in a film influenced my decision over if to see it. Then, my voice changed.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Chocodog.

Mitch to the right.Carla writes:

If you are going to review a film that is an adaptation from a book, it’s
probably a good idea to read the book. Especially if you plan to reference it.
If you don’t see that many differences between the two films and don’t really
think that Burton is being more faithful to the book… well. You’re way off
base. The original movie doesn’t even begin to cover the depth of the book. You
should examine these things more closely before you review a film.


Nick’s Reply: You may be referring to Devin’s review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but upon further inspection I’ve discovered that Devin is not a book critic.

(SEND A LETTER)

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The Unbeliever.

Mitch to the left!Steve writes:

hey, um…fuck you buddy. the chronicles of thomas covenant kick your bitch ass, you little dickhead. and another thing. it’s not understandable that thomas covenant was shunned by his community, dick.

Nick’s Reply: I have no idea why you are just now responding to an article John Makarewicz did during his all too brief stint as a news giant (http://chud.com/news/893), but it’s funny. It’s funnier that your name is Steve and the author’s is too. I liked the books in question but since you emailed me with your psuedo brain dead email, I now hate them. Go get your fuckin’ shinebox.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Let Me Tell You How To Write.

Mitch to the right.Christopher writes:

In Leak Letters #18, Carlton wrote in with the question, "What book would you recommend to help me write a screenplay?" I’d just like to recommend a great book called STORY: SUBSTANCE, STRUCTURE, STYLE, AND THE PRINCIPLES OF SCREENWRITING by Robert McKee. And although the book is centered on screenwriting, it’s a great source of knowledge for anyone who wants to write in other formats, such as the short story or novel. I highly recommend it. Anyhoo…

Nick’s Reply: I disagree. Robert McKee’s book offended my genitalia, Adaptation pimping and all.

(SEND A LETTER)

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No……

Mitch to the left!John writes:

Remaking "Son of the Morning Star" and it hasn’t even been released on DVD
yet?!

I really think Hollywood should wake up and get their heads out of you know
where and start making new movies instead of the constant remakes.
Remakes are usually flops anyhow.

There are so many books out there that are screaming to be made into
flicks, like these westerns for example, that they don’t need to bore everybody
with constant remakes.
Try the late Terry Johnston’s novels. A whole series on the Indian Wars era
and another series on the Mountain Man era. All good too!

Then there is the great book, "A True Ranger" by Gary Zaboly. These would
be a great flick.
I think Hollywood ought to wake up and stop with the remakes already!

Nick’s Reply: Wait, Hollywood ought to stop remaking shit? Next thing you’ll tell me is that the Huns and the Romans ought to mix it up.

(SEND A LETTER)

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Leaking.

Mitch to the right.Dave writes:

I sent you one about that hat seperately cos I couldn’t resist before finishing
the Leak.

It is so Great to see the Leak back in full force. Back? Is
that right? You were never gone, just preoccupied. I guess Around is more
appropriate. It’s good to see the Leak Around again. He’s a good lad. Here I am,
1pm on a Saturday, my wife is out buying watermelons or somesuch, my daughter is
sleeping. I should be out picking weeds, especially after a week of sitting in
front of my computer all week. But I’m here reading the Leak. And loving
it.
Some fastround comments for ya.

Constantine: I haven’t been
this psyched to buy a DVD for a movie since Fight Club was announced on DVD.
Others, sure there have been others, but I’m just dying to sit through this one
again. My wife hasn’t seen it. And the second season of Millennium, with it’s
apocolyptic references, has me just chomping at the bit, or some other archaic
saying about being excited.

How are the bonuses? The ‘special edition’, a
moniker they’ll put on just about anything these days, seemed a little
lacking.

Best Comedy Album: Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore: Beyond
the Fringe. "Never you mind, my dear, " I said. "You put on the kettle
and we’ll have a nice cup of tea." It’s classic.

I’d say toss that
copy of MEG aside until the new one hits.
He’s revising the book for the
movie? Or wait for the prettier cover?

That is all. Great Leak. :)

Nick’s Reply:
I’ve got another Leak in the planning but I honestly wasn’t convinced by the response to the last one that it’s worth the effort. The Leak may die, replaced by random editorials instead of a big column. So glad you dug it though.

(SEND A LETTER)

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SPAM OF THE DAY!

Mitch to the left!Antoniowrites:

Agarre essa oportunidade. Para alcangar o sucesso.
Se for apenas uma oportunidade que vocj aguarda, ela
acaba de chegar:
torne-se um
profissional especialista em Dreamweaver
, adquira o nosso curso
e transforme a sua trajetsria. Coloque-se na estrada
do sucesso. Nco perca mais tempo, adquira ja seu
passaporte.

Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: Crazy Frenchmen.

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