I don’t like dating. It’s a rotten institution, and one that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I like to become friends with women first and then hypnotize or otherwise con them into getting involved with me. Dating someone I don’t actually know seems nightmarish – the petty small talk on the initial dates, the period where you’re trying to figure out if you like each other. Ugh. I prefer knowing that I like someone and that they like me, and that even if things don’t work out romantically, we can have a good evening hanging out because we already know we’re compatible people.

I’m also sort of pedantic about my dating terminology. I make a clear distinction between seeing someone, dating someone, and going out with someone*. Seeing someone is very casual, and probably not yet sexual/romantic. Dating is still casual, but there’s some sort of sexual activity happening. You might see other people while dating someone. Going out is when it gets serious and you’re no longer actively trying to sleep with other people.

Since moving to Los Angeles I’ve been doing some dating, and I keep running into the same situation again and again: women who are kind of amazed that I pick up the check when we go out. Not because I look like a degenerate bum** but because they’re used to going dutch on dates.

The idea that a man would ever let a woman pay is beyond me. I mean, every once in a while okay, but generally? That’s what the man does. Hell, I’ll pay for women friends even when I’m not trying to sleep with them***. I’m not usually an old fashioned guy, but I’m old fashioned on this one, and it’s weird for me to think that there are lots of guys out there who don’t see how simply picking up a check works in your favor.

Is this some kind of weird reaction to feminism? Like the guys are trying to treat the women as equals? The truth is that no woman wants to be treated like an equal when the check comes – at the very least they want you to make a serious attempt to pick it up. I’m no Casanova, but this is simply an obvious truth. Men: pay for your ladies.

Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.

*And an even clearer distinction for just sleeping with someone. But this is about dating.

** I look like a degenerate sex offender.

*** Theoretically.