I have a letter column. I’ll answer any questions you ask me. Sometimes without being a sarcastic dick. This is a direct pipeline to whatever it is that I am, so please take advantage of it before I am no more. Use THIS LINK to send a letter, or just post it on our message board HERE.

And now, your letters…

Wayne Asks: Nick,The LL form on the site wasn’t working (at least for me), so I hope you don’t mind me using your email for this.

1.) Are there any movies you have gone from hate to love and back to hate, or vice versa?

Nick’s Reply: All the time, but it’s usually spurred on by talents who wear out there welcome. It becomes just hard to look at them or support them.

2.) Who is your favorite film composers? Do you own any scores?

Nick’s Reply: I currently worship Howard Shore and David Holmes but it varies. I own a decent amount of scores.

3.) Which actors/actresses need a little less exposure? And a little more?

Nick’s Reply: It is tough. I usually get burned. I think right now’s a pretty nice mix and my hate is only strong for a select chosen few.

4.) Besides The Thing, which remake trumps the original?

Nick’s Reply: That’s the one.

5.) Will Romero, Carpenter, and/or Craven ever make a good movie again? I could keep going but I will stop at 5 for now. Thanks Nick.

Nick’s Reply: No times 3.

Paul Allen Asks: 1. Who, including your good self, would you have as the presenters of Top Gear US?

Nick’s Reply: A steady diet of weird and wacky. Scott Ian would be a good place to start.

2. Do the BAFTAs mean shit-all?

Nick’s Reply: To the winners! But not much more. No awards REALLY do.

3. Summer ’11 comic book movie you’re most/least looking forward to?

Nick’s Reply: Dude with shield!

4. What’s your default lazy-meal? The kind of thing you throw together quickly just to have some bellyfuel?

Nick’s Reply: Baked chicken over angel hair with a little red sauce, a little breading (having been crisped on the stove) with a little proscuitto, mozzarellam and ricotta. I call it ‘The Fifth Horseman’.

Rene (Mr. Eko) Asks:

1. Given the money, would you ever do a CHUD sponsored convention?

Nick’s Reply: Yeah, but those days are gone.

2. Who/what would you want at that convention?

Nick’s Reply: A lot of hanging, discussing, watching, and drinking.

3. How big is your Blu-ray/Dvd collection?

Nick’s Reply: Small.

4. What brought the idea to start doing podcasts?

Nick’s Reply: I wanted to see if the vibe we had amongst ourselves would entertain others.

5. Have you ever paid too much for a dvd or Blu-ray and regretted it?

Nick’s Reply: There’s always that instaguilt when you buy something you don’t plan to watch right away. But it’s a part of the deal being us.

6. Do you think Drive Angry: Shot In 3d will be a success?

Nick’s Reply: Nope.

7. What’s your take on studios moving from releasing older films on dvd, to just making them on dvd-r’s?

Nick’s Reply: Dumb.

Barry Woodward Asks:

1. What’s your favorite Ben Stiller directed film?

Nick’s Reply: Tropic Thunder. The Cable Guy is way better than people give it credit for though

2. Would you be interested in a Judd Apatow or Paul Feig helmed film featuring the characters from “Freaks And Geeks”?

Nick’s Reply: No. Let the past be just that.

3. What are your top five favorite British films?

Nick’s Reply: Off the top of my head… The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, The Third Man, A Fish Called Wanda, and Withnail and I.

4. How accurate do you think Stanley Kubrick was in depicting the power elite’s ritual orgies in “Eyes Wide Shut”?

Nick’s Reply: Not at all.

5. Would you watch a Joel Cohen (“Garfield”) scripted and Rob Cohen (“xXx”) directed spin-off of “The Big Lebowski” focusing on Tara Reid’s character Bunny Lebowski?

Nick’s Reply: Go to hell for even joking.

6. Which actors working today can match the charisma and charm of Cary Grant in his prime?

Nick’s Reply: Clooney.

7. Do you think screwball comedies can make a comeback?

Nick’s Reply: Definitely. But they’ll have to sneak in Jackass-style.

8. Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Paxton have cleared their schedules, would you like to see them work with James Cameron again in the “Avatar” sequels?

Nick’s Reply: No.

9. Would you be interested in a “25th Hour” sequel?

Nick’s Reply: No.

10. Is there a character in any of your screenplays that you could envision Tom Cruise bringing to life?

Nick’s Reply: Yeah. The thing folks forgot is how talented he is and how able to sink into a wide variety of roles if he wants to.

11. What are your top five favorite video games of the 90’s?

Nick’s Reply: Jagged Alliance 2, X-Com, Shining Force II, Star Control II, and Civilization.

12. What celebrity would you like to see run for President?

Nick’s Reply: None. Ever again.

13. If you were a billionaire, which filmmakers would you bankroll?

Nick’s Reply: Me and friends. And guys like Stuart Gordon and John Landis.

14. What’s your favorite Dracula film?

Nick’s Reply: The original.

15. Which depressing films do you find most rewatchable?

Nick’s Reply: 25th Hour, but there’s that great element where the audience can make it uplifting or depressing in their own mind.

16. Have you been doing your daily Kegel exercises?

Nick’s Reply: Sadly, no.

Nexus – 7 Asks:

What recent film do you most regret missing in theaters?

Nick’s Reply: None.

What older film would you most love to see on the big screen?

Nick’s Reply: Rear Window.

Anderson Asks:

1) If you had to suddenly drop a deuce, but you didn’t have toilet paper…what would you use to wipe clean?

Nick’s Reply: Is this a room the Gideon’s provide for?

2) Who would win in a fight: Kristen Stewart or Kirsten Dunst?

Nick’s Reply: Dunst, but it’d be so fucking boring.

3) If it were legal and profitable: Would you be willing to host a Chewer Deathmatch?

Nick’s Reply: Nah.

4) The human vagina is pretty resilient, who do you think has the most stretched out snatch? Kate Gosselin, Sarah Palin or the Octomom?

Nick’s Reply: That Duggar cunt. I hate her and her husband so much. Of the ones you mentioned, the Octomom. Hideous. You know people have bounced from ass to slam so much in a regular evening’s work that it’s a miracle it’s still a hole and not some other new classification.

5) What are your thoughts on mental illness?

Nick’s Reply: It’s real and very scary.

6) What was the driving force for creating CHUD?

Nick’s Reply: A void.

7) If you had to do it all over again…what would you change?

Nick’s Reply: So many things. From the top of my head, allegiances I’ve formed. People I hired and people I shouldn’t have. Paying better attention to signs. Listening to people that I lost. How much saving I did for the future.

8) Is “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” going to open up against “Captain America”?

Nick’s Reply: August 12. So no!

9) What are your feelings regarding hamsters?

Nick’s Reply: Useless. I like rats and other animals with a little more identity. Plus, I’ve known two hamsters that shat out their intestines. Which is DUMB.

10) Would you be interested in starting a CHUD book club?

Nick’s Reply: No, but if someone else did I’d particpate.

11) Why can’t James Gandolfini find a proper vehicle POST-SOPRANOS?

Nick’s Reply: He doesn’t read Motor Trend! The reality is that he’s a character actor and not a leading man and I think he knows thatand is enjoying bouncing from stage to screen.

12) The HuffPo was recently purchased by AOL. Which corporate overlord would you entertain an offer from?

Nick’s Reply: Any.

13) Have you ever called a telephone number written on a bathroom stall?

Nick’s Reply: No. Too busy holding my own.

14) It’s Valentine’s Day, Judy Blume has come knocking on your door. She offers you a million dollars to make love to you. I’m not talking about you banging Blume, I’m talking about Blume pegging you. Do you go for it? Does the money offer have to be upped?

Nick’s Reply: I’ll fill that old bag with premium load and lauch all the way to the bank. I’d bang James Blume for the money to improve my family’s life.

15) Why baseball?

Nick’s Reply: It’s the best. Hardwired to my deepest core. It’s emotional. It’s cerebral. In unexplainable but there’s nothing like it in my life.

felix Asks:

1) What sort of roles do you think Naomi Watts should take to make her a bigger star in the eyes of the public?

Nick’s Reply: She’s not a star. She’s a good actress and a diversely talented one who happens to have cottonballs stuck in her cheeks. I think the problem is that folks forgot she was an actress and thought she was a movie star.

2) Whats your favourite Van Damme film?

Nick’s Reply: Universal Soldier or Hard Target, though I appreciate JCVD.

3) Favourite Bond Girls of all time?

Nick’s Reply: When I was prepubescent I was all over Jill Ireland in Diamonds are Forever but I soon learned better. I have since wised to Ursula and the other cock hardening delights. That said, I’m much more interested in James than any of his broads.

Mike’s Pants Asks:

1. Would a single volume of Kill Bill have been a superior film?

Nick’s Reply: Yep.

2. Have Fox got their shit together?

Nick’s Reply: I’m the wrong guy to ask. I look at projects by creators, not studios.

3. Clint Mansell or Michael Giacchino?

Nick’s Reply: Mansell.

4. Do you like The Wire?

Nick’s Reply: Like is way too soft a word. I’d fuck The Wire in the shower with everyone watching.

5. What is your favourite sequel/prequel/threequel?

Nick’s Reply: Evil Dead 2.

6. I just watched A Serious Man, do you have a favourite Coen brother’s film?

Nick’s Reply: Three way tie for very different reasons: Miller’s Crossing, The Big Lebowski and No Country for Old Men.

7. I’m watching Kingpin at the moment, do you have a favourite/ least hated Farrelly brother’s film?

Nick’s Reply: I love Kingpin. I think Matt Dillon in There’s Something About Mary is one of my favorite comedic performances of the past three decades. I love Dumb and Dumber. Mary has a special place in my heart because it’s the last time I remember my father absolutely losing his shit in laughter.

8. Have you ever been to Wales?

Nick’s Reply: Nope, but Great Britain is #1 on my places to go. Unfortunately I have to wait for someone who’s paying the bill to find a reason to send me there.

Hunter Tarantino Aks:

Before I present my questions, I want to echo that I am really, really intrigued to know the answer to Anderson’s #4 question. Anyway…

1. How do you feel about the rapid and possibly too soon turnaround for theatrical films coming to home video? Do you think the studios aren’t giving their films enough breathing room to be box office successes?

Nick’s Reply: We have too much access to everything too soon in my mind.

2. Can we expect more overdubbed commercials for the video podcasts in the future? That Toddy “commercial” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on the site, let alone the Internet.

Nick’s Reply: You can bet your bottom dollar I’m doing more. In fact, two friends have told me they need to be involved in my next dubbing. I’m feeling a little selfish. That ‘Toddy’ one kills me at least as much as it does you.

3. You own an iPhone and iPad, but are you also a PC man or strictly an Apple picker?

Nick’s Reply: My next PC will be an Apple, but I am a PC guy. I like to straddle the fence there.

4. Do you have any external hard drives? If so, what brand do you gravitate towards, and do you prefer portable drives or full-size ones with the AC adapter?

Nick’s Reply: I have a bunch and NO loyalty. Basically when I decide I need one I make a decision on what Fry’s has that’s cheap and is remotely good to look at/portable.

5. What screenwriting software do you use?

Nick’s Reply: Final Draft. And I buy each version even though they hardly change anything that applies to me.

6. The Coen Brothers were offered Batman after the success of Raising Arizona, and Cronenberg also got an offer. Which of these guys would you have preferred to see the vision of? Would the Coens making Batman have killed Raimi’s ambition to make Darkman?

Nick’s Reply: Cronenberg would have been amazing. A lot of superhero stories are Cronenbergian. I mean, Hulk.. Spidey… The Thing… so much potential body horror there.

7. Nolan, Bale et al have all firmly stated The Dark Knight Rises would be the final Batman film they would make. Permitting this may change, could we possibly see and would you want to see Nolan and Bale reteam for a film version of The Dark Knight Returns 25-30 years from now?

Nick’s Reply: Nope. I think Nolan’s best asset is that he doesn’t feel too beholden to the source.

8. Who do you think should direct the film version of The Stand? Am I right in thinking that Walton Goggins born to be in this film, be it as Lloyd or Trashcan Man or even Stu?

Nick’s Reply: He’d be a great Lloyd. I should direct the film version. In lieu of me… I think it should be someone who won’t get in the way of it. In the same way that the dudes who make the Tom Clancy films don’t.

9. Did you ever watch USA Up All Night?

Nick’s Reply: Very rarely if at all. I was spoiled with my own Selectavision, Beta, VCR, and Laserdiscs at a very young age and was my own spin doctor from the jump.

10. Did any other TV logo animation ever have the gravitas and greatness as the HBO Feature Presentation intro?

Nick’s Reply: Nope. And a kickin’ miniature city!

11. Do you hate Robert Pattinson or Russell Brand more?

Nick’s Reply: Brand. Pattinson’s just cog in a hate machine. Brand intentionally has written two “Booky Wooks”. Fuck that guy with a gravepenis.

12. Freejack: unjustly underrated early 90’s sci-fi yarn or an insignificant component of David Johansen’s resume?

Nick’s Reply: Absolute dogshit.

13. Worst Oscar snub in terms of someone winning over another, better nominee?

Nick’s Reply: There’s so many cases of movies that we watch over and over as the years progress that we wonder why they weren’t bigger Oscar winners… but then I realize it’s the fucking Oscars and they aren’t about the best.

14. Do you find the sequels to The Stepfather to have any comedic value?

Nick’s Reply: Nope. I did shoot a fight screen in the theater with the sequel playing while I was a projectionist in ’90.

15. If Tom Noonan had been cast in the lead for Tooth Fairy instead of Dwayne Johnson, would you see it? More importantly, would Stephen Lang be safe?

Nick’s Reply: It’d be an amazing adventure for mankind. Stephen Lang looks like he can take care of himself pretty well.

16. Could they have possibly selected a more boring director for Die Hard 5 than visionary auteur Noam Murro? At this point, would the return of Joe Hallenbeck be more alluring?

Nick’s Reply: I wish it mattered anymore.

17. If Clint Eastwood announced he’d act one more time, only the project turns out to be a sequel to Pink Cadillac, would we be doomed?

Nick’s Reply: That dude’s earned the right to do whatever the fuck he wants. We’re lucky to have him regardless of what he does.

18. If you taught a class on film at a college, what specific genre and/or filmmaker would you focus on? Would there be an entire class devoted to why Yor is valuable to world culture and society?

Nick’s Reply: I’d like to do a class on the workmen, filmmakers who get it done on time and on budget but never get the spotlight. Blue collar dudes whose work ethic exceeds their ego. I think Yor‘s too important for just one class.

19. Favorite Alex Cox film?

Nick’s Reply: Repo Man, but I’m not a big fan of the dude.

20. Did you ever belong to Columbia House or any video club in the 80’s or 90’s, due to the fact that $90 was unreasonable to spend on a measly VHS tape?

Nick’s Reply: I did and like many of you I was always too broke to pay.

Hammerhead Asks:

Who will play you in the Story of CHUD feature film?

Nick’s Reply: 100% CGI. I am too fancy for any other one human being.

Same question, only it’s a porno.

Nick’s Reply: Donald “Ogre” Gibb.

Who will be the next pop star to successfully transition to a respectable acting career

Nick’s Reply: Other than Bieber? Maybe Andrea Bocelli’s queued up for a nice chop socky franchise.

Who will be the last popular actor to record an ill-advised vanity album?

Nick’s Reply: That stuff is hard to predict, because it usually is born from a flavor of the month. If Russell Brand does, I hope Damageplan happens on his tour.

Victor Laszlo or Rick Blaine?

Nick’s Reply: I know neither.

Cherry 2000 or Highway To Hell?

Nick’s Reply: Highway to Hell every day of the week. That said, Dust Devil over both.

Judging from the trailer it looks like Harrison Ford plays a proper sonofabitch in Cowboys and Aliens. His first, best calling?

Nick’s Reply: From all accounts, fitting.

Mike’s Pants Asks:

What has been your favourite “Question for Nick Nunziata”?

Nick’s Reply: Whatever the next one is.

jlovee Asks:

What’s up Nick, I just wanted to know how did you meet and become good friends with these Chud greats: Renn, Andrea, Justin W., and Steve Murphy?

Nick’s Reply: Renn was a longtime reader who blogged for us and somehow proved he was delightful. Andrea worked at a bar I used to frequent and we bonded over our love of art and retarded senses of humor. Justin was a reader whose awesomeness is immediately obvious. Steve was a value added deal. His cousin and I were tight and when he introduced me to his odd and subdued cousin I was not impressed. We bonded over music and the rest became magic. I don’t talk to his cousin much, but Steve is one I’m taking to the grave. Plus I introduced him to his now wife, and we still don’t all hate each other. A coup!

Finnias Asks:

What helps the site more:  posting comments on an article’s page or on the forums? I do both, but try not to repeat myself in the two arenas. I figure more folks will see the front page articles, but the serious discussions always seem to occur in the forums. Is one more vital to the site than another?

Nick’s Reply: I think they serve two masters. The MB’s are insular and about discussion. The talkbacks are good for quick hits. I think it’s a case of what you want to say and how involved you want to be in the resulting discussion.

And to echo Hunter’s question #9: Did you ever watch USA Night Flight?

Nick’s Reply: No sir.

I did, and by introducing me to The Residents and Lynch’s Eraserhead, it scarred me for life… in a good way.

Nick’s Reply: Right on.

Barkatthemoon Asks:

1. How many guitars do you own?

Nick’s Reply: 5. My pride and joy is an old Gibson Nighthawk, but I also have two ESP’s, and a neat pair of acoustics. I also have two basses. I love them, though I really want the one Micah used to own that had this built-in harmonic thing that was fantastic.

2. Eight-string guitars. Retarded, or hells yeah?

Nick’s Reply: It’s just a tool. If used well, it’s a delight. If not, it’s a harbinger of hate.

3. Got any cool guitar picks from shows?

Nick’s Reply: Never. When I was at front row shows (Fishbone, Faith No More, Follow for Now, Soundgarden) it was for the mass. Nowadays I try to sit somewhere I can just watch and appreciate.

4. Given the choice, would you rather be a musician selling millions of albums, or a film director selling millions of movie tickets?

Nick’s Reply: Flip a coin. They each have their merits. I have no assumptions that my music will ever be appreciated, though I do love it and think we offer an amazing diversity and a lot of fun. My movies I have no doubt will be mainstream and accepted. It’s just a lot of work and time consuming. I’m pretty sure I’ll find a way not to make money for myself regardless. I seem to be destined for a decent but unspectacular success rate.

5. A Betty White/Clint Howard sex tape hits the web, would you watch?

Nick’s Reply: I don’t want to watch any sex tape.

Rene (Mr. Eko) Asks:

1. What was the situation with Verizon that made you leave them and come over to AT&T?

Nick’s Reply: Do I need a reason? Incessant calls and emails? Shitty product? A lack of phones that worked for me?

2. If you had to be stuck with a person on an airplane/train/car, who would you want to be stuck with? Who wouldn’t you want to be stuck with?

Nick’s Reply: I’d like to be stuck with a collaborator. Only way to ensure shit gets done. I wouldn’t want to get stuck with most people. I’m actually really fond of my alone time.

3. What 3 films would you want to record an audio commentary for?

Nick’s Reply: One I make. Otherwise I’m just going to crack jokes the whole time.

4. Should the Miami Vice movie have been more in line with the tv series, or was it good that Michael Man went “realistic” with it?

Nick’s Reply: It’s one of the movies I revisit twice a year and love to death. I’m not a fan of show so I guess it depends on your personal baggage regarding the property.

5. When is your Cockblocked article going to run?

Nick’s Reply: I’m not sure. Some time next week. The list is my idea but I’m a little bogged down right now and frankly the bar is set so high I can just flail at it at this point.

6. If you had the pull, would you have a movie made that had Stephen Lang, and William Fichtner as the leads?

Nick’s Reply: Together? Shit yes!

7. What’s your favorite iPad app?

Nick’s Reply: I find myself returning to Plants vs. Zombies an awful lot.