History has a way of righting itself when it comes to the arts. Sometimes it restores clarity and reminds us of the great things out there we had forgotten and sometimes things are going too well so it’ll regurgitate something we tried to forget. But there’s usually some sort of balance.

Occasionally something falls through the cracks.

Like Blame it on Rio

Nothing registers in a young man’s mind like a movie that made his little cock hard. Blame it on Rio weathered the creases on my 80’s Wranglers like few others [Mischief & Fast Times at Ridgemont High being the crop of the cream], yet it’s rarely mentioned by folks of the Seminal films of the era. You’d think it would be, what with Michael Caine and a then-unknown Demi Moore and the presence of boobies, bushes, and a tropical locale filled to the brim with bikinis and waxed flesh.

And it’s a pretty good film. Which doesn’t hurt.

Blame it on Rio tells the delightful story of two fathers and two daughters. Both men have either marital troubles or no marriage left. Both daughters are hot. Demi Moore has mysteriously small and perky breasts and was Caine’s spawn and Michelle Johnson was 80’s staple Joseph Bologna’s little girl and she has plentiful breasts and no problems in sharing them with camera lenses. Enjoying a vacation in Rio, the foursome becomes embroiled in some weirdness and before you know it Michael Caine is being seduced by the daughter of his friend. Her clothes leave her body and a thousand boners are given veiny life.

The movie is actually weirdly dark at times. There’s a suicide attempt, some raw marital issues covered, and the stink of the 80’s threatens to cheapen the movie. And it’s nowhere near as sexy as my 13 year old brain remembered it, what with the hair and clothes, and imperfection. But full frontal is full frontal and Michael Caine, big glasses and frizzy hair and all is as good as one would expect.

It’s not that sexy but it was cable staple and it had its moments. Plus, a whole new generation of fans of Alfred the Butler can watch him get his fuck on and that’s a magical thing.

Sorry you fell through the cracks, Blame it on Rio.