Regardless of what fate befalls my beloved Cleveland Cavaliers (and they’ve been embarrassing since the panic trade that brought them a done player for a dumb player), I’m going to be watching a lot of playoff basketball this spring. It’s what I do. I also might buy my first firearm just to feel that steel stuffed snug in my crotch. Motherfuckers be stressin’, I might need to be pressin’. Know what I’m sayin’, Francis Bacon?

All that aside, I wouldn’t be blogging if there weren’t an urgent matter at hand, so here goes: I’ve been watching basketball all day, and I’m pretty sure Verizon has taken that commercial out of circulation? You know… that commercial. Oh, fine…

“Not Brad.” <shiver>

Meanwhile, they’ve got the version with that doughy nerd running in heavy rotation. Look, if Chevrolet can ride Seger’s “Like a Rock” for a fucking decade, you can at the very least favor us with that ad for the rest of the playoffs. You’ve got lightning in a fuckable .40 oz. bottle of Schlitz with that sucker. I’ve toppled furniture and stepped on my cat rushing back into the room just to catch it (even though I could calmly walk back in and run it back on the DVR). I haven’t been this obsessed with a piece of advertising since “The Case of the Missing Case” (almost as baffling as the Million Dollar Mystery). Another seventy or eighty viewings, and I might’ve actually switched over from Sprint.

So please… bring it back. At least give me a chance to DVR it in High Def. I ache.