Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column. With that said, here we go….

Come around here often?

Awww, Lynda Carter has an AOL Account…

Mitch to the left!JmPerez writes:

fuck you who ever said that doing wonder woman wont make no money, u dont
know half the shit your saying.

Nick’s Reply: I hate to say this in public, but you’re an imbecile. Really. First of all, start your sentences with a capital letter. Also, try the word "whomever" sometime and while we’re at it, "wont make no money" would be better represented as "will be a financial failure". Also, if you are too busy in your busy schedule of mopping the Peter North room at Jake’s Jerk Village to add a "y" and an "o" to your emails then perhaps you should refrain altogether. Lastly, your misuse of the word "you’re" makes me wish you had attended more school during the cooler months. As for’s reputation for its opinion on such matters, we do a pretty solid job and if Joss Whedon manages to take the rather boring subject of Wonder Woman and make a good movie that grosses well, we’ll be the first to say that we were wrong. That said, we didn’t just pull an opinion out of our ass. Now go get your fucking shinebox.


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.David writes:

Hey Nick. The site is fantabulous as normal. One thing
though, can you tell that Newell guy to stup putting zeros in front of every
friggin’ number. I don’t know why that pisses me off so much… but I just
can’t stand it any longer. I feel like one of the infected from 28 Days Later
everytime I see that shit. If you’re reading this Newell… you’re going down!
I’ll teach you to put zeros in front of single numbers….. AAAHHHHH!!!!

Nick’s Reply: I think it’s part of Newell’s cybernetic O.S. When I send him DVD screeners he lists the zero before the single digit numbers in his address. Honestly, if that’s his biggest quirk in his writing, I’ll live with it. The guy busts his ass for 5+ hours on that column and all he gets is middling comments on the message boards and the few griping emails I receive. I can live with the binary code.


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Batman Baggins (copyright, Justin Waddell)

Mitch to the left!Kevin writes

Did everyone who saw Batman Begins have some sort of brain meltdown and go retarded? I think the movie may have some sort of subliminal messages embedded in prints across North America. I think that Devin guy must have seen the clean print I saw. Commissioner Skywalker’s Batmobile adventure where he goes to destroy the Trade Federation droid control ship is the worst thing put on film since when Batman could control bats to do his bidding, whatever it may be. Then, you’ve got the most rediculous sounding Batman. What the hell was that voice?

Clooney sounded cooler, and so what if he had nipples. At least he didn’t sound like Bale, who must have been channeling Tim Allen for those fierce grunts. Nobody looked as stupid as Christian Bale did in the costume, except for maybe Adam West. Can Bale do the Bat-2-See or whatever it is? I hope so. Just because there is none of this:

"You want a sandwich sir?"
"I’ll get drive-thru"

Doesn’t mean this movie should get a pass, especially when its got such "talented" actors. How could a car chase scene with a tank style batmobile turnout so boring? And are there any Special Editions for the 1989 Batman movie or Batman Returns coming out?

Nick’s Reply: See, I agreed with a lot of Devin’s (and your) gripes but they didn’t dampen the experience for me all that much. Reading the message board response has been a lesson in how we sometimes ought to give not a damn about what the folks tell us we’re doing wrong. Devin’s comments, whether you agree with them or not, were valid and extremely free of fanboy pandering. Read the new EW issue for how an asshole review of Batman Begins is. They liked the movie but only after stating that they’re intelligent reviews and not genre fanboys.


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.Jake writes:

Sorry. Didn’t mean to be offensive. Just thought the similarities in the life stories of Jim J Braddock (dominance in the boxing ring) and Jim J Bullock (dominance in a Hollywood Square) would be a funny reference.

Besides, I’m sure Jim J Bullock would consider it an honor to join the likes of Mork and Pumkinhead in the annals of chud men.

Thanks for keeping up the site and please keep taking a leak whenever you can.

Nick’s Reply: Totally cool. I don’t do requests for the CHUD MAN partially because you nevver know what motive is behind it. It seemed like you were just making a gay joke and if I’m going to do a gay joke I’m going to do it in my own little way (like at the end of the Phantasm article here). You just never know. I appreciate you clarifying.


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AICN – Talkbackers, CHUD – Chewers. Lesson Over.

Mitch to the left!Dave writes:

understand about wanting to discontinue the leak. It’s a lot of work with little
reward. It’s like when I go to my family’s place and they expect me to be funny
every time. ‘Come on," they say. "Do something funny.’ So if you can’t put the
love into it, why do it? The reason why they’ve all been good is because you
love doing it. If you don’t, then stop it. Don’t let it do a Millennium Season 3
just for the sake of doing it.

But for me, the Leak
is one of the reasons why I come back — the hope that it’s going to be there
and give me lunch reading material. It’s also a DEFINING feature of Chud, what
sets it apart from AICN or Dark Horizons. ‘Hey, you know that movie news site
with the Steady Leak?’

What about
broadening it. What about getting Devin et al to write features. What about
having guest columns (Quint writes a Steady Leak guest Column = Gold). What
about getting some of the smarter more prolific TalkBackers (sorry, I don’t
frequent the Forums, so I don’t know who they are) to do a Steady Leak. You can
provide a format for them to follow so it isn’t incessant babble. I dunno. I
understand why you wouldn’t want to do it any more. But to lose it is to chop
off an arm of CHUD, in my opinion.

Well, I must be off
to the grind. Deadlines are fun. What was it Douglas Adams said? "I love
deadlines. I love the sound they make as they go wishing by."


Nick’s Reply: No one else will do Steady Leak articles whether they be Devin or some guy named after a hobbit with his own Leak-alike. The point is that it’s my little pulpit, but I just haven’t figured out if it’s worth the effort. I appreciate the sentiments but the problem isn’t a lack of content or ideas but rather not enough people willing to take the time to provide feedback to justify the incredible amount of time it requires to do one. Complacent folks, rise up!


Come around here often?

The Fog Strikes Back.

Mitch to the right.Chris writes:

> The assembled press shuddered.), who runs into the town hall, followed
> by the loping and drinking Father Blake (Rade Serbedzija), who is
> about to drop knowledge on the assembled cast, revealing to them why
> the hell there’s some creepy fog filled with the dead hitting town.

The guy you’re talking about is Father Malone, played by Adrian Hough.

Rade Serbedzija plays William Blake, (and his ghost)

Have YOU seen the original?

Nick’s Reply: I’m sure Devin regrets his error. There was certainly no malice intended. FYI, this letter was from the VFX supervisor for The Fog. Now go get your fucking shinebox!


Come around here often?

He’s No Frat Boy.

Mitch to the left!Jeff writes:

I’m the guy who wrote the script for "The Midnight Meat Train" and I can assure you that I am no frat boy. Must be my preppy doppelganger who is so popular in the Google universe (although I noticed that Variety neglected to print the umlaut my grandfather carried over his name since the planting of our family tree.)

I hope you enjoy finally seeing one of Clive’s best stories brought to the screen. I had a blast working on the script and I assure you this will be the best thing to come from the Barker mythos since Hellraiser.

Buckle up. Train’s leaving.

Casting underway as we speak. Cameras roll in NYC in Sept. Maybe I’ll see you out there?

Take it easy and if you keep riding the late night trains… watch your back. The Fathers are hungry…

Nick’s Reply: Shill!


Come around here often?


Mitch to the right.Linda writes:

I think Devin’s writing is spot on. I’ve been a
reader since 2002 and there have been many many times when Devin’s opinions were
as far as they could possibly be from my own. That has nothing to do with the
quality of his writing or the merit of his opinion. I don’t see any faults in
what he writes. My sister introduced me to CHUD (and I have since spread the
word to my husband and friends). Movies/films have gone from being an interest
to a passion and Devin’s contributions (and yours of course) have switched us
all onto to a lot of great material (my sister refers to them as life altering
experiences) that we would have never known about. Our pub chats often turn to
movies, our movie chats often begin or include "what did Nick and/or Devin
say". Recently it’s expanded to what did Nick, Devin, Dave, George and Russ say
(CHUD’s just a host of great writers).

Regarding the Steady Leak, it’s fried gold. I wish
you got more pay off from it. I always imagined you were overloaded with
feedback, lousy with it, to the point that it was so much it got on your
nerves. So for what it’s worth, The Leak’s my favorite article. I love CHUD
Stories and the Chewer Column, but the Leak is brilliant, so thanks for

Nick’s Reply: Well tell your pals that Nick says you guys rule like ol’ King Pete himself. Thanks!


Come around here often?


Mitch to the left!Ben writes:

The Leak should continue! I was going through some of the old Leak
archives the other day, and I think that the reason why they came out every day
was because they were mostly a letters column, but you always had one or two
articles before the Letters section for your rantings and praisings…or maybe
it was because the Leak was fresh and new and you had a lot to say and the
readers had a lot of questions to ask. So perhaps the Leak needs to be
freshened up somehow. I don’t know, I like it just like it is, and actually
prefer the longer Leaks that you’ve been putting out recently. The News Section
is always great, and your views on things…not just about film…makes for an
interesting and not dull read. In your recent Leak, my favorite was the first
article about "the outing." Great stuff.

One gripe. The Nick Edit. I shouldn’t be annoyed about it but for
some reason it bugs me that you have the same two examples( Man on Fire and
Heat) every single time, and that most of the time they are longer then the new
Nick Edit. It’s probably good that you do this, for newer readers of the site,
but maybe just cut it down to one example from previous columns and then maybe
give a few more sentences on why you would have completely taken out Julianne
Moore’s subplot in Magnolia. Although, maybe that says it all.

Have you ever toyed around with doing a chewer comic strip? That might
increase viewership and participation…ship. It would be like Chudstories
(which is awesome), or the Chewer Column (also awesome),
but with drawings!

As always, the site gets better every day. The contributors always
seem to be on ball when it comes to keeping the writing fresh. Anyway, I hope
this wasn’t too long winded, and I hope I didn’t say the same things over and
over again. I hope I didn’t say the same things over and over again…

Nick’s Reply: If a Chewer approaches me with a really cool strip that is going to be timely and well done, I’d certainly consider running it. As for The Nick Edit, I cop to it. I usually get to that point in doing a Leak and draw a blank. After obituaries and fake posters and all that stuff (the news attack in particular), I’m tapped. I always feel like I should have a sambuca or get blown or smoke a pipe after a Leak because I’m so defeated by it. I don’t want to remove any aspects of it because I assume there’s someone out there who likes all the stuff. As a result, that particular feature took the shaft. If I do another Leak, I’ll put in a kickass Nick Edit. Otherwise, thanks for the support.


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Bye Tension.

Mitch to the right.Bob writes:

"<snip> High Tension… I saw the film last Friday and thought it was a slovenly stack of shit bikers."

I’ve read that sentence about 10 times now and I’m trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not. I’m leaning towards not, but I’d hate to misconstrue your words, especially since CHUD’s site has been promoting it a lot.

Is it worth seeing? The trailers looks great. :)

Nick’s Reply: Shit bikers = bad. I was excited about the film but I thought it was for the post part a sham and a waste of time. I did like some of the slaughter but I totally fell in love with the ads for it and expected something special. What I got WAS special, and if there were a short bus for films, I’d wave to High Tension as it went by in its favorite window seat.


Come around here often?


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