Mailbagsukidoji:

Your letters. My smartass replies.The Steady Leak
may not be so steady these days, but your letters have been, so I must
share them and answer them so that the wheels keep turning on this
crazy little bitch. Feel free to ask whatever about whomever or
whatever, and I’ll do my best to answer it. Letters in here might be
positive, negative, or indifferent and I’ll try to maintain a balance.
Please keep sending them in (SEND A LETTER), as it’s you who fuels this column. With that said, here we go….

Come around here often?

A Whole Slew O’ Stuff.

Mitch to the left!Bob writes:

Awww, Nick… I hope that the latest Leak isn’t the last one. I’m a daily reader
and just because I don’t respond to your posts doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the
hell out of the Leak, the comics, the interviews, the trailers and everything
else that kicks so much ass about CHUD. How are your page views on the Steady
Leak? Do you know compared to the rest of the site?

Question: Are you
ever going to have an RSS feed for the site? That’d kick ass! Then, all I’d have
to to is load up Firefox and click a button to see a dropdown menu of all the
news items in milliseconds. That’d be neat. :)

I just saw the latest
Fantastic 4 trailer and it does look kinda corny, but I’ll probably end up
seeing it anyway. The only thing that perturbs me about all the trailers is that
Jessica Alba doesn’t portray her [green screen] acting as well as she could when
she’s using her powers. I’m not sold on her. When she uses her powers, it looks
like she’s pretending even moreso than what’s actually going on.

I felt
that Napolean Dynamite was what I lived through in the 80’s, so maybe that’s why
the ‘kids’ nowadays love it since that time has long since past. Why would I
enjoy watching a movie about what I did approximately 20 years ago?
Coincidentally, that’s why I can’t play the Sims. I live, eat and work every
day. Why would I come home and play a game based on the same premise?

Anyway… please continue the Steady Leak. I love it – I just don’t
always have time to write or anything decent to contribute… like this time. :)


Nick’s Reply: I don’t really track page views. It seems like that’s a defeatist strategy. Our numbers wind up pretty consistent at the end of the month, so I’m not worried about that and how often is the most popular thing the best? I just think that when you have a free site and people are always complaining about the ads and stuff, there has to be some silver lining to it. In my case, it should be feedback. It’s the currency that keeps the site going. I don’t know if you folks know, but we don’t do all this work for our own satisfaction. If it were, Dave would be writing zombie stories, Devin would be writing Communist rhetoric or emailing haiku’s to Don Murphy, and I’d be doing RON. Oh, wait…

As for the RSS feeds, we’ve had them for a year. Dig THIS link.

As for Fantastic Four, if Jessica Alba’s greenscreen performance is the biggest fear you have, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. See, there’s not a thing about the movie I have faith in, other than perhaps a sly reference to one of the intricacies of Barbershop. The glory of Jessica Alba has nothing to do with her greenscreen work. Oh, and I still don’t forgive her for Idle Hands.

The fun of the Sims is that there aren’t the same repurcussions that exist in real life. You can live with your sister in that game and piss in the sink and no one will make you clean it up. In real life I’ve had trouble on both fronts. Yes, I don’t have a sister but I live in the Secret Window.

As for continuing the Leak… I started that column at 8am and finally got it up around 6pm. There were hiccups like lunch and picking Sofia up at day care, but I spent so much time on these columns that it gets harder and harder to justify the time. It’s gotten to the point where some of the people I aim to please when I write these things (Micah, Justin, Will, etc.) might pop me an IM about it but judging my tangible stuff like emails and MB posts it’s not as worthy a time killer as it once was. I guess time will tell.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

YOU BataRANG?

Mitch to the right.Ben writes:

E-mail says Nick but review says Devin – whatever,

I can’t believe I’m writing
feedback on some overly-busy website, but I find myself wanting to growl at you:


It’s a Batman movie!

You were right in a few things. The first half of the movie was fantastic.
During the prologue, I even found myself getting a little choked-up which is a
bit strange for me. The rest of the first half did Batman and his dramatic
beginnings justice.

The second half was the super hero movie and
had to have been expected. I’d like to see the sequel and both parts
ensured that this would happen.

If you wanted to watch Momento then you
should have rented Momento.

Nick’s Reply: I’m anxious to see this Momento film you speak of. Is it the life and times of CHUD Message Boards stalwart Momotaro and his many splendored facial hair? I’ve seen Memento a few times and like it just fine, but I get more and more intrigued every momento about this other film you mention. As for your comments… I don’t get what you mean by "overly-busy". Do you mean we provide too much free content? I see that you’re responding to Devin’s review (his email is at the top of the page, the feedback letters come to me).

Devin, I got this one…

The fact it’s a Batman movie is of no import. There shouldn’t be some criteria that makes a Batman movie any less substantial than any other superhero film, or film in general. That’s a deduction tempered by not one but four rather crappy films (aside from certain fun moments and Danny Elfman’s score). Your expectations for a Batman movie may be piss, but when I see the name Christopher Nolan and that acting ensemble I expect a damn good movie. Devin liked it less than I did but our gripes are very similar. I agree with most of what he had to say, it just didn’t kill the film as much for me. But, I have to admit that I didn’t see the great superhero film you saw.

But I still dug it. For those who didn’t know, Devin’s review is HERE and our tag team review is HERE. For shits and giggles, HERE‘s a completely unrelated article.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

Hierarchy.

Mitch to the left!Scott writes

I am probably on your hate list, but fuck, the leak is chud at its purest. You
are great and we are not. Keep the leak coming, and more often, because
although you think your henchman can get the job done, truth of the matter is
that no-one compares to the boss.

Nick’s Reply: Please don’t call any one of the CHUD.com contributors henchmen. I think it’s safe to say that each person has their own distinct voice and that there’s no copycat shit going on. You may prefer my shit, but it has little to do with the fact I own the site or because I’ve been doing this forever. There’s a couple of new guys on the site who are way ahead of me on the Bell Curve. I appreciate the letter, though. I’m glad you spoke up about the Leak. That’s the bottom line.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

A Faraci Off Place.

Mitch to the right.Travis writes:

What good is Devin? I read his reviews and all he
likes are movies that are about zombies or someone gory like that. It’s like he
dislikes big profile movies on purpose trying to look "cool" then they go on to
make millions of dollars….. and then he’ll talk about how good all these
foreign films and independent films are so good trying to sound like Roger Ebert
or something.

Nick’s Reply: I can vouch for Devin when I say that sounding like Roger Ebert isn’t in the top 80,000 of his personal goals. Number 4,293 does state that if he could, he’d "roger Q-Bert", but that’s a far different proposition. As for what good is Devin, a loaded question to be sure, I state this: Most everything. He’s a good writer, is driven by a love for film, and spends a sick amount of time doing stuff for virtually free that some people wouldn’t do for cash. He knows it’s an investment to do this stuff, one that will pay off soon, but he’s that rare mixture of talent, creativity, and passion that has resulted in so many people visiting this site for his stuff and so many bashing him. I don’t remember who it was that said that they weren’t happy unless half their readers loved them and the other half hated them but whomever it was would find a soulmate in the Dev. Me, I’d please everyone if I could but Devin is that aggro part of the site that keeps it fresh. What good is Devin? A lot of good, but not in D&D terms. He’d definitely be Chaotic Neutral at best.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

Points and Counterpoints.

Mitch to the left!JSW writes:

1) I apologize for the rest of my local Memphians on picking up passes for Land of the Dead. Do not take this as a bash, because I am not peeing on your parade, but maybe Memphians are just not loyal CHUD readers? We are a bit whacky. Are politicians are out of their damn fool minds. We act like Mid-Westerners even though we are in the South. The list goes on. Also, the people who might be CHUD readers, and want these passes. Could always get them at this local comic book shop that had passes for your last Memphis CHUD screening; AVP.

2) Napoleon Dynamite being successful might come down to the characters. People would not be wearing Vote for Pedro shirts. If those characters did not stick with you long after you stop watching the flick. I could be wrong, but that’s my conjecture.

3) Paul O’Neill? Classy top athelete you picked there. Easy one of the better outfielders of the 90s and the heart of those Yankees teams.

Have a nice day, and may no pee come anywhere near your parade.

Nick’s Reply: 1. Maybe. Memphis isn’t our target audience. I hear they have a really high crime rate there. Also, I couldn’t care less about Graceland. That said, a love for film is universal as is a love for brilliant web based writing, so you’d think your town would find room in its Dixie heart for us. 2. I feel sorry for the people with ‘Vote for Pedro’ shirts, just as you probably feel sorry for people wearing ‘Ghost and Skinbag’ shirts. 3. Paul is good. Very good.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

High Pension.

Mitch to the right.Omaha writes:

I totally agree on what you said about the twist of a story. I ahte these
critics who think they know everything…..high tension was good and sure its
not a piece by piece stolen property……they said that about david
cronenberg’s shivers..they said he copied aliens, but funny thing was he made
that movie like a few yrs before. the afct is you can find similarities in all
movies…next thing people are going to say that matric was a rip off of the
thirteenth floor, because they go into another world…crazy f’rs!


Nick’s Reply: You’re actually referring to Devin’s positive review of High Tension. I saw the film last Friday and thought it was a slovenly stack of shit bikers.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

The One Jakes.

Mitch to the left!Jake writes:


for your chud men pictures, you should post one of Jim J. Bullock, the tagline, "the true cinderella man"

Nick’s Reply: …and that is why the site is called CHUD.com and not Homophobia.biz.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

Tissue Salesman

Mitch to the right.Edward writes:

Everyone break out the Kleenex, a fanboy is
upset.

Nick’s Reply: I assume this is in response to Devin’s Batman Begins review. If so, you really ought to specify. Additionally, it might be nice to expand your little argument. As it stands you are worthy of nothing but contempt from the likes of me.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

This Business.

Mitch to the left!Nicolette writes:

First of all: I loved your site. My name is Nicolette and I’m running a fansite for Alex Winter.
Together with another fan I wrote a review of
"Freaked" to promote the new DVD set. Is it possible to post this review
somewhere on chud.com ?

Nick’s Reply: Ypu loved it? Does that mean the affair is over or that you actually got the Logitech USB Strapman and did my site from the privacy of your own home? If so, please tell me… were we as tender as I hope we would be and did the .wav file of Dave saying "Get Younger, Get Younger" work properly? As for your review of Freaked, why don’t you post a link in our Shameless Promotion forum? Or did you sex that up already too?

(SEND A LETTER)

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Underdogs.

Mitch to the right.Morgan writes:

I haven’t been online for a while, i used to be a member of your site! I’ve been busy with school and stuff, but I just wanted to tell you I think you’re right on target on your "100 Movies that Deserve more love"
articles! Movies like Dragonslayer, Drive, and Brotherhood of the Wolf! I mean damn! Good movies! Just wanted to drop you a line!

Nick’s Reply: Thanks! I’ve been trying to cobble the next list together but have been super-swamped and unable to muster the time. More comments like this make me want to. For those who are brilliant or lazy, I recently regurgitated this old treat.

(SEND A LETTER)

Come around here often?

SPAM OF THE DAY!

Mitch to the left!Latisha writes:

THIS IS OUR ABSOLUTE ENDEAVOR

We have attempted to drop a line to you on many moments and we hope for you
reply this time!

Your exisiting loan situation certifies you for up to a 3.50% lower rate.

However, due to our previous attempts to drop a line to you have
failed,
this will be our final try to finalize the lower rate.

Please finish this final step upon receiving this notice immediately,and
complete your submission now.


Mr. Grunt and Point’s Reply: Latisha, you’re a liar. I got two more final attempts after this one. I’m beginning to doubt the authenticity of your program and the vigor of your own moral code. I first noticed that you weren’t on the up and up when you shat a horizontal war log in my guest bathroom and proceeded to try to flush it sideways. Then, when we dined on escargot and each other on the French Riviera you told me you were a virgin even though you had a tattoo saying "Trenton, NJ Wuz Here" on your pubis. Latisha, I fell for your charms too many times before, like when you promised me a rose garden and then forced me to read Rose Madder. I also believed you when you told me you were named after Latisha, the Greek Goddess of Infinite Blowjobs and not that crazy street corner cracktaster of the same name. I also went to Synagogue with you when you said you were Jewish even though you though Menorah was what horses made. It’s over between us, Latisha.

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