Continental Divide

My wife and I are spending the night here in Athens [Georgia not Greece, home of the most annoying football fans ever] to see the amazing Greyboy All-Stars perform and as we pulled into the motor court of the quaint if not slightly musty Foundry Park Inn & Spa and she mentioned one of the benefits of the joint:

Free Breakfast.

Now, this place has a few really great restaurants built in to the community but regardless of that I never have been able to equate “free” with “good” when it comes to a meal away from home. A breakfast, especially the dreaded “Continental Breakfast”, is not a selling point. Nor is free HBO, but as someone who really detests eating crap food [Chick-Fil-A, Subway, and Zaxby’s are the only fast food joints I can survive] I could care less if my breakfast is free or not just so long as it’s what I want to eat and prepared in a way that doesn’t send my liver out my urethra.

How much does breakfast cost anyhow? Not enough to take whatever swill is given to you and eat it like a goddamn convict. Breakfast is already considered a disposable meal as evidenced by the popularity of shit-dealers like Waffle House and the International House of Speared Wolves [reference for three of you out there] but it doesn’t mean that’s the proper way to deal with what some consider the most important meal of the day.

Big vats of scrambled eggs, greasy as fuck bacon, links of Upton Sinclair-style sausage, and toast you can play Ultimate Frisbee with had better be free. It’s dick.

Continental Breakfast is dumb.

Try this on for size if you have the option in your neighborhood.

Nick’s Breakfast Suggestions:

Publix Whole Wheat Waffles. Great. Quick. Super good for you. They’re even good plain. Just put a few in the toaster and gnaw while you do your morning chores.

Wheatgrass/Green Tea Shots. If you have a Robeks, Jamba Juice, Whole Foods, Planet Smoothie, etc. near you, you ought to give these a spin. They’re not always meal replacements but they’re vitalizing and if you have a regimen they’ll pay off nice dividends.

Smart Start Cereal. The shit is good, though don’t get the flavored ones. Go for the regular mix or the one with antioxidants.

Blowjob. Not going to cure your hunger, but it’ll cure your hate for the world if but for a few minutes.

The Flying Biscuit. OK, if you’re not going to be healthy, eat at the best breakfast place in Georgia. Drink a Sledgehammer (4 espresso shots & foam) and go to town on some Love Cakes and a Flying Biscuit with Cranberry Apple Butter.

– Nick could subsist indefinitely off the menu at The Flying Biscuit.