STUDIO: Dimension
MSRP: $29.99
Cast auditions
Deleted scenes

The Pitch

“It’s The Prophecy… in Bucharest! With Kari!”

The Humans

Kari Wuhrer (Killer Love, Malevolent), Sean Pertwee (Soldier, Dog Soldiers), Doug Bradley (lots of Hellraisers)

The Nutshell

Allison (Wuhrer) hears voices from Simon, who is either a being of divine light or a malfunctioning hologram, and learns that she’s responsible for protecting a manuscript that will determine the fate of mankind. She may also have ties to troubled cop Dani (Pertwee), who’s partnered with a mysterious Interpol agent to track down a serial killer who collects human hearts. Their quarry turns out to be an evil body-jumping spirit named Belial (no Basket Case relation), who wants to gets its claws on the ancient manuscript and win the war between demons and angels, or something.

"This may seem slightly off-topic, but… I loved you in Talos the Mummy."

The Package

Yet another part of the bottomless Miramax/Dimension purge, the DVD is anamorphic widescreen but looks washed-out and grainy, which may actually be the appearance the film was going for. It sounds pretty good (Dolby 5.1) and also has a commentary track with the director, actors, FX guy and producer, plus deleted scenes, a photo gallery, cast auditions (yes, people were apparently required to audition for their roles in this) and a brief behind-the-scenes featurette, for those who can’t get enough of the Prophecy “franchise” even after watching the movie.

Jessie was mad enough to spit dimes when she realized the blurb on the back of the CHUD book gave away spoilers for Harry Potter, Shyamalan’s next three films, and every entry in the Trancers franchise.

The Lowdown

The producers must’ve caught a real bargain with this and Hellraiser: Deader (which I just reviewed HERE) – not only were they both shot in Bucharest (“Come to Romania… it’s cheap and we need work!”), but they even share major cast members. And much like Pinhead’s recent flesh-rending cameo, this is a Prophecy movie in name only – which means asset Christopher Walken is nowhere to be found, and Sean Pertwee is certainly no Christopher Walken.

Director Joel Soisson has produced all of the Prophecy movies (as well as Trick or Treat, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Phantoms), and he’s capable enough with a camera… but let’s just say that when angels and demons do finally have their grand conflict, I hope there’s a lot more fighting and a hell of a lot less talking. Prophecy: Uprising has a story to tell, and it’s done through an unending, Walken-free series of confounding flashbacks and discussions filled with theological drivel.

4.5 out of 10