What follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond. Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may tickle your fancy.
1. ‘You know what it takes to sell real estate?’
There’s always one asshole at the office who’s done their part to keep Spencer’s in business.
2. The Prime Meridian of Middle America.
That’s there in case Gulliver becomes a vampire and travels.
3. Only slightly better than no job.
HELP WANTED: Someone who does very dirty work for living in a thankless industry where the customers don’t respect you nearly enough, every stereotype about you is negative, and you’re forced to touch poop. Also, you will always look like you’re shitting when you’re driving in public. Salary: Underpaid. Must be white and prone to wearing black shirts. Email THE HUMILIATOR@nakedpublicshits.biz.
4. And on a yellow sign too…
You don’t want to visit this dude’s soul food restaurant.
5. There’s no winning here.
They probably could have come up with a name for this product that makes it more appetizing. Like Wet Hemorrhoid Bloodbursts®.
6. Perfect for for fans of sparkly purple Jesii.
Funnily enough, that’s the exact size and color specifications of the real Antichrist.
7. OK, we deserve Red Dawn.
Yes there is an energy drink called Drank. I would prefer an imbecile with shit grammar just typed it in wrong. Either way this works on both fronts. The word itself is a nightmare and proof of how desperate people are to dumb down or try to capitalize on slang or cultural phrases [which should never have existed in the first place]. Drank used in the context being milked by this affront is a shitty time.
OK, I wished I hadn’t done the minimal research to discover this is an actual product. I can’t un-know this.
8. Stupidity Defined.
What the stickers should say is “If you need to be told may we suggest The Mummy Returns?”.
9. That dude who really isn’t an Indian is crying right now.
If you smash this car into a canyon it becomes a frown. Let’s find out.
10. Then maybe you should keep your car in better shape.
People buy license plates to define them or make a statement. The statement this makes is ‘Drive me into a sinkhole forever’.
11. I don’t think so.
“Where is that booming voice coming from?”
“My home. You may know it as HEAVEN!”
“God is that you?”
“I’ve been wanting to hear from you. How are you?”
“Stand and hear my plan. Despite famine, hate, and nature’s dying breaths I want you to buy a Mercedes. Tell your wife it’s my choice. That ought to shut her up.”
11. I prefer the taste of Agnostic.
Spoiler: Judaism is also menorahs and dreidels.
If this is what it’s going to take for someone to be interested in your particular religious ditty, perhaps they’re not worth having in your order.
Burning Question: How many tentacles did they let on the Ark?
By the way:
“Sister’s Happy Meal was broken because she was still crying when she ate it.”