STUDIO: Buena Vista
MSRP: $19.99
RUNNING TIME: 83 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES: Alternate Ending

The Pitch

“LOHAN! We’ll scrape together a Smallville plot ‘journalist’ together later.”

The Humans

Lindsay Lohan, Brenda Song, Bug Hall (yes, his name is Bug), Ian “Javier” Gomez, Charles “Mr. Sheffield” Shaughnessy and Amanda “Honey Bunny” Plummer

The Nutshell

Lexy (Lohan) is a budding journalist. She writes the gossip column for the High School paper and one day lands an article in a made-up New York paper. The article is about a love affair between two teachers (Plummer and Gomez). Soon Gomez disappears and Lohan smells a mystery.

The Package

Get a Clue looks and sounds cheap – like it was made for cable. That’s because it was. Originally it was made for the Disney Channel and is undoubtedly being released now on DVD to capitalize on the Lohan Lunacy running over the world.

Do you think she has another one that says “Undercover” on it?

This (unwanted and unneeded) disk is being thrown onto the market with relative little work done on it. It still looks and sounds like a Disney Channel movie, so I doubt they did too much to it technically (although the back of the box says it is in 5.1. I either didn’t notice or didn’t care while watching it).

The only bonus to the disk is an alternate ending. I preferred the alternate ending actually. The ending in the film is a convoluted mess. The alternate ending is also overly tortuous, but it flows better.

Lohan’s parents (and Disney executives) went for the less obtrusive “Chastity Door” to guard her “innocence."

The Lowdown

Get a Clue is my second Lohan review in a week (The Parent Trap review is here) and it is by far the worse of the two (the movie, not the review).

Get a Clue is pretty much any trite reporter flick you’ve ever seen (I Love Trouble comes to mind) set in a high school. Only worse. Much, much worse. There is nothing enjoyable about this mess. The characters are annoying, the plot is ludicrous and the writing is laughable.

The only reason to watch it is the cascade of former stars reduced to being Lohan’s bitches. Amanda Plummer is in this. She’s only one degree from General Chang! I’m not saying she had the most promising of careers but surely more than this. Same goes with Charles Shaughnessy and Ian Gomez. They are character actors you really expect to be above a Disney Channel Lohan vehicle. (Ok, maybe that’s pushing it. Seeing Shaughnessy and Gomez in something like this really isn’t that surprising.)

Perhaps pre-teen girls will like this. I hope they have more taste than this – but I doubt it.

With dialogue like this, who needs a plot?

2 out of 10