On the advice of fellow CHUD blogger/B-Action Thread/B-Movie Podcast associate, Erix, I have decided to do my really short ass Worst Of 2010 list as my first blog of the new year. Why? Because even I see crap that pisses me off.
1. Alice In Wonderland. BORING. I rented this shitpile from the Redbox and was bored within the first few minutes. I looked at the timer on my PS3 to see how far into it I was, and I was barely 30 minutes into it. HOW DOES A MOVIE WITH JOHNNY DEPP AND CRISPIN GLOVER NOT BE A MASTERPIECE OF ECCENTRIC CINEMA? Plus Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen. Off with her really fucking huge head. It would have canceled her shrill and annoying fucking voice.
2. Blood Creek. I fucking fell asleep. I. Fucking. Fell. Asleep. I’ve seen C.H.U.D. II: Bud The C.H.U.D. and not fallen asleep. This movie could have been really interesting. Nazi keeping himself alive for many years on a farm. The people on the farm keep themselves alive using his black magic against him (just like in that movie Venom from 2005) and instead, it made me fall asleep. I wanted my Redbox dollar back.
3. The Warrior’s Way. Oh how this movie let me down. I was one who liked the trailer, and the beginning of the movie was great, then it turns into this movie about a circus troupe trying to get by in a practically deserted town. Where was the action? The only person who comes out unscathed is Danny Huston as the villain who is so evil, and gets a memorable final line. This could have been Ninja Assassin in the old west. Instead it turned out to be a let down of massive proportions.
4. Skyline. We saw this shit the weekend after seeing The Warrior’s Way, and I was at least slightly amused by the fact that twice in a row we’d seen boring shit films. The lady sitting next to Vanessa and I got up and left, and several times, we came close to leaving, but I held tight as I never leave a movie. Even if it’s crap, just so I can say why I hated it. Battle: Los Angeles looks SO much better. At least I hope that movie isn’t just set in an apartment, and has an annoying female lead. I do hope David Zayas is in it, because he’s the one character that I liked in Skyline. Shit, he’s the one thing in Skyline I liked.
These are the 4 movies that grabbed me and said “Hey, we’re movies that you’re going to actually do the incredible and hate because we suck.”
Here’s to 2011 and my list being either this short, or even shorter. If there’s a silver lining, it’s that only 4 films made my list.
Rene’s song of the day: “The Final Conflict” by Francesco De Masi.
Thanks for reading my blog and see you next time!