A few nights ago I went over my future inlaws’ apartment for dinner. I’d heard rumors that the couple had gotten a few Nerf guns a little while back, but didn’t think much of it. Till they pulled them out.

Look at these monsters.

This is a Nerf Sniper Rifle. It comes with two clips (I’m serious, clips- you load them from the top and slap them in to arm it) and a scope. It breaks down into two guns, although one’s a single shooter that’s fairly useless in a firefight. Er, nerffight. It also has a retractable stock. It’s 3 feet long. 3 feet, people.

This one is a revolver that makes you cock back the gray part for each shot. Definitely the most consistent shooter and the most fun to fire. Great for Russian Roulette!

This huge bad boy takes forever to load, but if you pump it up enough times, you can shoot the entire load in a couple seconds. Yes, you can blot out the sun with nerf darts.

And they didn’t have it at the house, but look at this beast!

Yes, a fully automatic Nerf Vulcan. It’s belt-fed. Where the hell were these when i was a kid?

We spent the night shooting each other with suction cup Nerf bullets while trying to dive behind couches. It also made watching Rock Monster on the Scifi channel a helluva lot more entertaining, since we’d shoot the tv whenever the stupid CGI creature appeared.

I need one. I really do. I can’t believe that I’m 26 years old and I’m researching the best possible Nerf weapon to buy. But the next time someone gets out of hand in my house…. well, let’s just say they’ll learn very quickly not to act up. Very quickly.