Hey there. Beginning at 8pm, Eastern (probably a little earlier) I will be doing my annual and unabashedly offensive live discussion of the Golden Globes show and the winners and losers. I’d love for you to join me, and to join us in the CHUD Chat Room HERE and to post your takes in the talkback below or in THIS THREAD. I look forward to it!

Hour Three

  • 10:56pm – I am tired of those few notes of music for The Social Network officially. It wins. And that’s a wrap.
  • 10:55pm – Thanks for putting up with me folks. These are taxing for me, they must be for you as well.
  • 10:54pm – Michael Douglas. Deserves all these claps.
  • 10:47pm – Colin Firth wins his firth Golden Globth.
  • 10:43pm – I have to admit that this has been a pretty tolerable show. My Glee hate is half real and half just to poke and prod people… but even that show’s baffling good fortune hasn’t sullied the show too much.
  • 10:39pm – The Kids are All Right wins for Most Ruffalo Gardening Ever.
  • 10:36pm – Kind of a boring speech, but Natalie is so the real deal.
  • 10:34pm – Queen Amidala wins!
  • 10:34pm – The star of Cutter’s Way!
  • 10:32pm – Joseph Gordon-Levitt is Gordon-Good.
  • 10:31pm – A Kathy Bates television show makes me wish my sight died.
  • 10:27pm – Scott Speedman & Awakenings are mentioned on Golden Globes. If someone even THINKS about Clint Howard Hurricane Dolph is going to form in the Gulf of Mexico ride up through the states blowing us all under each other forever.
  • 10:27pm – Fucking SCOTT SPEEDMAN was invoked!
  • 10:25pm – And yes, she is hot as fuck. Paul Giamatti wins the award for McGainey’s Version… I mean Barney’s Version.
  • 10:25pm – Halle Berry has acted well maybe twice and is somehow a Hollywood lifer.
  • 10:22pm – Alicia Keys. Dressed in the finest Amorphism.
  • 10:21pm – It’s funny to see ads for True Grit on the show that shafted True Grit.
  • 10:20pm – January Jones is a perfect mix of vintage Kristy Swanson and vintage every other vintage thing.
  • 10:18pm – Glee hunkers down in my jail cell, ramming its bloody tantric message deep into my bowels. It knocks loose the chewing gum in me as I sob into my pillow.
  • 10:17pm – Jimmy Fallon’s life force could be used in so many better places. Like fueling a robot that shoots fire onto me.
  • 10:16pm – January Jones gives me bones all months.
  • 10:15pm – Jonbenet joke! That kid did not get slaughtered in vain!
  • 10:15pm – Fincher wins for The Social Network.
  • 10:14pm – Fincher’s gonna win.
  • 10:13pm – My guess: The last time Megan Fox ever appears on an awards show unless she marries someone talented.
  • 10:12pm – I’m hoping that Gnomeo & Juliet succeeds enough so that A Gnome Named Gnorm can get the recognition it so richly deserves.
  • 10:11pm – Speaking of Kool Aid, how do you think that corporation feels that the biggest pop culture statement in regards to them involves a bunch of people committing suicide?
  • 10:09pm – In my market we keep having Joel & Associates commercials. A law firm. This tells me that they’ve been overbilling.
  • 10:08pm – DeNiro is trying his damndest to have a personality. I’m drinking the Kool Aid.
  • 10:06pm – At least 20 seconds has been devoted to Awakenings in this show. That’s like a million dollars in ad buys.
  • 10:05pm – DeNiro cracks a Little Fokkers joke and then rides home on the adamantium stallion he bought with the proceeds.
  • 10:05pm – Dennis Quaid’s dates have a blonde head above them.
  • 10:04pm – Darren Aronofsky’s mustache gives Bradley Whitford cold sweats.
  • 10:03pm – Did they even have to show DeNiro’s dogshit movies?
  • 10:01pm – Awakenings!

Hour Two

  • 9:59pm – Damon is great. Sarcasm suits him well. Hour two, DONE!
  • 9:58pm – Matt Damon is one of the best things ever.
  • 9:57pm – I’m beginning to think The Fighter and The Social Network are going to own the Oscars.
  • 9:53pm – Robert DeNiro is sitting at his table trying to enjoy himself but fans of Awakenings won’t fucking leave him alone!
  • 9:51pm – Melissa Leo wins for playing the worst cunt ever.
  • 9:51pm – And the winner is… A VIAL OF INSULIN!
  • 9:50pm – The guy from Dungeons & Dragons is on stage!
  • 9:48pm – Some fuckdruid from Big Bang Theory wins. OMG!
  • 9:47pm – There’s a bunch of boring on the stage.
  • 9:46pm – Who gives a fuck about Jane Fonda? She’s piss and shit in a dress.
  • 9:45pm – The Cape looks so useless.
  • 9:41pm – Laura Linney wins for The Life of David Gale. Or The Big C.
  • 9:40pm – Blair Underwood is amazing because I didn’t know you could be black and boring.
  • 9:39pm – Helen Mirren is great. And you know tonight after the show she’s going to fuck.
  • 9:37pm – Some Danish film wins and some chesty dame is talking. Her breasts are Danish. They are squished together like a delightful dream. My tits are squished together now too.
  • 9:35pm – Robert Pattinson would fuck my face if I let him.
  • 9:32pm – Yep, they are marketing this show towards mothers.
  • 9:31pm – 14 year olds need to not be vibrating. They need to be bracing for the real world that is not Glee. The real world is going to put its pee pee in 14 year olds.
  • 9:30pm – I love Jane Lynch more than George Lynch.
  • 9:29pm – Chris Evans is so great. And dreamy.
  • 9:28pm – There are two people sitting in Natalie Portman’s chair.
  • 9:27pm – Sorkin deserves the win big time. Good for him. And his dealer.
  • 9:27pm – Aaron Sorkin would first like to thank his dealer.
  • 9:26pm – SPOILER ALERT: The hand doesn’t make it. #127HRS.
  • 9:25pm – Steve Carell is weird because he’s a megastar who really hasn’t doesn’t much to grow his base or persona.
  • 9:24pm – “The ungrateful Steve Carell!”
  • 9:22pm – Zac Efron AND Justin Bieber in the same building. A could just die.
  • 9:21pm – If Applebee’s is your neighborhood haunt, cut your head off.
  • 9:20pm – This new Adam Sandler film looks like what Bubonic Plague must’ve felt like.
  • 9:19pm – It’s good to see Temple Grandin got all glamoured up. I mean, well she bathed Wednesday.
  • 9:18pm – Did you see that? The real Temple Grandin is in the crowd and just painlessly euthanized Kathy Bates.
  • 9:17pm – I was in my hotel and Temple Grandin was on and I wanted to make fun of it. And it was great.
  • 9:16pm – Claire Danes wins, and she deserves it… ol’ Lionface.
  • 9:14pm – Al Pacino is a great actor, because this guy onstage…
  • 9:13pm – Al Pacino wins, which prevents him from taking a FLAMETHROWER TO THAT PLACE!
  • 9:12pm – I thought Jim Carroll died…oh, that’s Tilda Swinton.
  • 9:11pm – Never Forget.
  • 9:10pm – Frank Stallone’s brother’s on TV!
  • 9:06pm – I wonder how many people settled down for a family viewing of Secretariat and thanks to a bad education and poor reading comprehension wound up jacking off furiously to Maggie Gyllenhaal doing clerical work. “Where’s the horse?” “I don’t care, let me bust this before she shows her face again!
  • 9:05pm – Warren Beatty laughs, and then goes back to his cell in Arkham Asylum.
  • 9:04pm – That’s a good flick by the way. You ought to see it. Almost made my top 15.
  • 9:03pm – Annette Bening in The Kids are All Right, from the carpet munch to the red carpet!
  • 9:01pm – Emma Stone as a blonde… holy penishard!
  • 9:00pm -Downey didn’t mention who he really fucked. James Spader.

Hour One

  • 8:59pm – Downey, please don’t wear out your welcome.
  • 8:58 pm – Gervais plays a game of ‘Fistine’!
  • 8:58pm – As we wrap the first hour… I long for a kick in the face from a centaur.
  • 8:56pm – Think they’ll have a ‘Best 3-D’ movie category at some point? I do.
  • 8:55pm – Justin Bieber’s like “I could buy this room and everyone in it and create my own Sumerian Wax Museum”.
  • 8:54pm – I hope Gervais is on after the commercial break and he offends someone new.
  • 8:53pm – A lot of the ads for this show seem to cater to families. And moms. So, if that’s true… why no Enter the Void commercial?
  • 8:51pm – I know it’s an ad for Rango and not Pirates 4… but I never thought I’d ever say this, but I am flat out tired of Johnny Depp.
  • 8:50pm – Trent Reznor used to be one of my least favorite musicians, but he is really surprising me these days. Good win for The Social Network.
  • 8:49pm – If Danny Elfman wins (he won’t), I’m going to rape you.
  • 8:47pm – Cher’s manvoice wins an award.
  • 8:47pm – If there was a Golden Globe for always being in failing movies, Garret Hedlund would at least be nominated.
  • 8:47pm – I KNOW Alec does.
  • 8:46pm – I bet Jennifer Lopez has sweet nipples.
  • 8:42pm – People rip me for hating Glee but my wife watches it. I’ve seen it on. I hate it based on my built-in hate for it but I also hate it for what it actually is.
  • 8:40pm – Why are Brad and Angelina talking? People told me they hate each other!
  • 8:39pm – Boardwalk Empire was great, and there’s a lot of room for improvement… which is AMAZING FOR US.
  • 8:37pm – The Walking Dead got nominated, which is a fucking affront to reality.
  • 8:35pm – Steve Buscemi wins for getting to look interested while fucking beautiful naked women on camera a lot.
  • 8:35pm – If Hugh Laurie had won, I was going to fly through your internet connection and jack off onto your carpet.
  • 8:33pm – I am so glad we’re finally getting a Three Muskateers movie. Now all we need is Robin Hood and we are SET.
  • 8:32pm – Dr. Emilio Lizardo runs The Golden Globes!
  • 8:30pm – Fuck Danny Elfman. Seriously. Listen to that dogshit music from Dogshit in Wonderland. Andrea Bocelli is covering his ears and eyes.
  • 8:28pm – For shits, they ought to splice in clips from Brubaker during this show.
  • 8:26pm – Scott Caan is so good on the new Five-Oh. That Colfer kid looks like someone who ought to be beaten up in a hallway by Dae-su Oh.
  • 8:25pm – David Strathairn was finally going to get the recognition he deserved for his cameo in Home for the Holidays when Glee came in and fucked us in the asshole with a flaming pink Excalibur.
  • 8:22pm – Please win, tiny Caan.
  • 8:21pm – My dream of Mercury Rising being invoked at The Golden Globes, REALIZED.
  • 8:20pm – I hate when the asshole band plays music as I’m trying to understand an accent.
  • 8:20pm – Did that dude just thank Mumm Ra?
  • 8:19pm – Carlos wins over Temple Grandin, which surprises the living shaft out of me.
  • 8:18pm – What kind of sorcery has to happen to allow for Joe Mantegna’s opinionated and forceful seed to give up its rights and allow for something beautiful to enter our reality?
  • 8:18pm – There is no way she flew out of Joe Mantegna’s dick.
  • 8:16pm – When are they going to ruin the world with dumb wins?
  • 8:15pm – I am astounded that LL Cool J still exists. He succeeds! And he’s LL Cool J. That is both amazing and inspiring and scary fucked.
  • 8:14pm – You have to know that smart and cynical talents that have to deal with some of the people and trends and bulshitty facets of the industry have to bite their tongues 364 days a year. Fucking bring it, Rick.
  • 8:13pm – I had some technical issues, but I’m good to go now. Ricky Gervais is perfect for this kind of show because he flat out fucking doesn’t care. And he has nothing to lose.
  • 8:11pm – Katey wins! She deserved it. Well, for the previous season.
  • 8:09pm – LL Cool J is allowed to do things.
  • 8:08pm – Bale wins. He deserved it.
  • 8:06pm – Scarlett is so boring it hurts.
  • 8:05pm – Ricky Gervais with the gay/Scientology jokes. Nice!
  • 8:03pm – Cher jokes happen. The Tourist is ripped.
  • 8:01pm – Charlie Sheen jokes happen.
  • 7:57pm – Here I am. I have a massive headache. Which means I am in perfect condition for this show.

Here’s a list of all the nominees. I will update this as the winners are announced.

* Nick’s Pick (who I want to win, not who I think will win)

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Black Swan
The Fighter
The King’s Speech
*The Social Network

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

Alice in Wonderland
*The Kids Are All Right
The Tourist

Best Director – Motion Picture

Darren Aronofsky – Black Swan
David Fincher – The Social Network
Tom Hooper – The King’s Speech
*Christopher Nolan – Inception
David O. Russell – The Fighter

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

Jesse Eisenberg – The Social Network
*Colin Firth – The King’s Speech
James Franco – 127 Hours
Ryan Gosling – Blue Valentine
Mark Wahlberg – The Fighter

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Halle Berry – Frankie and Alice
Nicole Kidman – Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence – Winter’s Bone
*Natalie Portman – Black Swan
Michelle Williams – Blue Valentine

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Johnny Depp – Alice in Wonderland
Johnny Depp – The Tourist
Paul Giamatti – Barney’s Version
Jake Gyllenhaal – Love and Other Drugs
*Kevin Spacey – Casino Jack

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Anne Hathaway – Love and Other Drugs
Julianne Moore – The Kids Are All Right
Annette Bening – The Kids Are All Right
Emma Stone – Easy A
Angelina Jolie – The Tourist

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Christian Bale – The Fighter
Michael Douglas – Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Andrew Garfield – The Social Network
Jeremy Renner – The Town
*Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Amy Adams – The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter – The King’s Speech
Mila Kunis – Black Swan
Melissa Leo – The Fighter
*Jacki Weaver – Animal Kingdom

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

127 Hours
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
*The Social Network

Best Animated Feature Film

Despicable Me
*How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3

Best Foreign Language Film

The Concert
The Edge
I Am Love
In a Better World

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

Bound to You – Burlesque
Coming Home – Country Strong
I See the Light – Tangled
There’s a Place for Us – Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me – Burlesque

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

Alexandre Desplot – The King’s Speech
Danny Elfman – Alice in Wonderland
A.R. Rahmin – 127 Hours
*Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross – The Social Network
Hans Zimmer – Inception

Best Television Series, Drama

*Boardwalk Empire
The Good Wife
Mad Men
The Walking Dead

Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical

*30 Rock
The Big Bang Theory
The Big C
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie

Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama

Steve Buscemi – Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall – Dexter
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Hugh Laurie – House

Best Actress in a Television Series, Drama

Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss – Mad Men
Piper Perabo – Covert Affairs
*Katey Sagal – Sons of Anarchy
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer

Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical

Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Steve Carell – The Office
*Thomas Jane – Hung
Matthew Morrison – Glee
Jim Parsons – Big Bang Theory

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

Hope Davis – Special Relationship
Jane Lynch – Glee
Kelly McDonald – Boardwalk Empire
Julia Stiles – Dexter
Sofia Vergara -Modern Family

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

Scott Caan – Hawaii Five-0
Chris Noth – The Good Wife
*David Straithairn – Temple Grandin
Eric Stonestreet – Modern Family
Chris Colfer – Glee

Best Actress in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical

Toni Collette – United States of Tara
Edie Falco – Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Laura Linney – The Big C
Lea Michelle – Glee

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

The Pacific
*Temple Grandin
You Don’t Know Jack
The Pillars of the Earth

Best Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

Dennis Quaid – The Special Relationship
Ian McShane – The Pillars of the Earth
Edgar Ramirez – Carlos
Al Pacino – You Don’t Know Jack
Idris Elba – Luther

Best Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

*Claire Danes – Temple Grandin
Hayley Atwell – The Pillars of the Earth
Jennifer Love Hewitt – The Client List
Judi Dench – Return to Cranford
Romola Gara – Emma