Now, let’s all get that groan out while we can.

We good? Great.

Now not only did we get the misfortune of another installment of Resident Evil, but director of the first Resident Evil is back to film what is, undeniably, the worst attempt yet. Paul W.S Anderson has made my shit list.

I’m not what you would call a “fan” of the R.E series, but I did watch all of them. I thought Resident Evil Classic was poorly made and incredibly boring for what the source material was. Milla Yo-Yo-Yovovich was, absolutely, the only interesting point in the movie. Which is probably why she is the focal point of the entire series. Her badass-ery is only sky-rocketed by the fact that she barely speaks. She’s like a (more) badass Charlie Chaplin…with better legs. Okay, you’re right. She’s a Chaplin ripoff.

Resident Evil 2: Electric Boogaloo was my favorite of the series. Fairly unknown director, Alexander Witt, picked up the film which was written by the shit demon from Dogma himself, Paul W.S Anderson. The pace for R.E: II is the most tolerable. Not to mention we actually get a story! Characters are introduced as likable and hook us in. The reason I enjoyed this installment the best was due to the fact that it was done on a much larger scale. Yes, it basically takes place in a city. But looking back the 1st installment, where the hell were they half the time? It’s too easy to lose track. Bonus points for R.E: II: Actually introducing Nemesis. Why didn’t we have more of this lovable fella in the original?

“Now for the third film, we need a mastermind of cinema. A man who uses the camera like a metal detector for Cinema Gold!!” The dude who directed Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf” music video. Thanks. To his aid, R.E: Return Of The Jedi wasn’t all that terrible. It wasn’t incredibly great, either. I really do like the concept of a western zombie movie and was all on board for it. But somehow, the film never picked itself up above zombie crows being fed the business end of a flamethrower. Sounds cool, right? And they STILL screwed it up. I’m not pointing any fingers, but Paul W.S Shitderson penned the script, AGAIN.

Which brings us to Resident Evil: 4Ever. Alice and her thousands of clones have escaped the Western Frontier to seek vengeance on Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts. Although, I was positive it was Jake Sully with legs).
Destroying Umbrella’s headquarters, TWENTY of the one thousand Alice clones almost claim the life of Wesker until he escapes in his emergency jet plane. Which actually has the real Alice on it. Which he expects and injects her with an anti-virus which eats all of her T-Virus cells. Which is interesting, until they both crash into a mountain and start over fresh without Alice’s super-human skills. So Alice somehow finds Claire (Repraised by Ali Larter), but Claire has memory loss because of some chest spider.

Claire and Alice soon join forces with a group of survivors on top of a building surrounded by zombies. In Dawn of the Dead (one of the best zombie films to date), they used the mall that the survivors were trapped in as a metaphor for their own prison. R.E: 4Ever leaves no room for questioning and just makes the building an ACTUAL prison. No prisoners remain, except for one: Wentworth Miller. Honestly, I like him. His acting skills are pretty great and he’s just a badass with a gun. But something seems familiar with this..Oh! Maybe because Miller’s popularity is thanks to the hit-television series, PRISON BREAK. Which isn’t too uncanny, since they actually aren’t breaking out of the prison. Oh wait, they totally try to.


I’m completely understanding of the fact that some ideas are going to be re-used. But not with the same actors, Paul!!

I’m still a believer that the worst installments of the Resident Evil franchise are Resident Evil and Resident Evil: 4Ever. There’s a common trait for these two, surprisingly: Paul Who Sucks? Anderson directed and wrote both. He just destroys whatever he touches.

If anything is worth seeing R.E: 4Ever for, it’s the 3D. The 3D technology used here is the same technology that was perfected in Avatar. Some of the shots are actually pretty fun to watch and be a part of. Unfortunately, those are ruined by boring dialogue, mediocre acting and cliche’ characters. The worst part about R.E: 4Ever is that no part of the film is truly horrible. Every quality is just done in a flawed manner, which builds up to a terrible mess.

You’ll leave Resident Evil: Afterlife (Er, I mean Resident Evil: 4Ever) with a few good scenes in mind, but will ultimately remember the flaws that make this Evil the worst of them all. Afterlife finds itself looking for exactly what its’ zombie cast is in search for: Brains.