I have a long running debate with a friend of mine about which is the better medical detective show, Diagnosis Murder or Quincy. Now I am sure that I don’t need to tell you my good readers that the correct answer is Diagnosis Murder but in case I do lets look at the facts:
Qunicy is a lecherous old man who lures half naked women to his boat and gets his intern to solve all the crimes for him, whereas Dr Mark Sloan is a kind old gentleman who roller skates while solving crimes.
The evidence is of course conclusive.
However while watching the new adaptation of Sherlock Holmes on the BBC (which you really should watch BTW) I wondered how the man god known as Dr Sloan matches up to other detectives, so in true fan boy fashion lets compare him with some of the greats.
1. Dr. Mark Sloan vs Batman:
Batman is of course regarded as the worlds greatest detective but you would be surprised how many similarities he shares with our hero Mark Sloan. Both have day jobs (Doctor and Billionaire Playboy), both have youthful wards (Robin and Steve Sloan) , both have contacts in the police and both are smarter than anyone else in the room.
However lets take a closer look at their win/loss record. Every criminal Batman catches escapes shortly afterward, whereas Dr Sloan catches the bad guy and we never see him again, I think we can see who is the better detective here.
Winner: Mark Sloan.
2. Dr Mark Sloan vs Dr Tony Hill (Wire in the Blood)
Dr Tony his is a consultant who is hired in by the police when they can’t solve a crime, he is unpaid and does it for kicks. Sound familiar? It should do he is basically Sherlock Holmes and a poor one at that.
Back in school we had a phrase for loners who were a little bit weird, we called them bag swingers, because they always seemed to be walking on their own with plastic bags. Dr Tony Hill is a loner who carries a plastic bag with him everywhere for no apparent reason, it’s not like he is poor (in fact he is well off) he just seems to carry as some kind of trick to confuse the bad guys.
The great Dr Sloan however needs no such tricks so I think it’s safe to say.
Winner: Dr Mark Sloan.
3. Dr Mark Sloan vs Dexter
Dexter Morgan is a serial killer, Dr Mark Sloan is not.
Winner: Dr Mark Sloan.
4. Dr Mark Sloan vs Jessica Fletcher.
I am convinced that Jessica Fletcher is in fact a serial killer. She turns up in these small towns in America conveniently writing a book that seems to match a recent crime and low and behold she solves it. Therefore not only is she probably the USA’s biggest killer she is also cheating, because she already knows how the crime happened – she did it.
Winner: Dr Mark Sloan
5. Dr Mark Sloan vs Sherlock Holmes.
Now on paper the clear winner here is Holmes, however once again we need to look closer at the facts. Holmes is an Opium addict who has a distain for pretty much everyone, Sloan has no vices and is loved by the whole world. Holmes does not understand people if they are not criminals and has no interest in the opposite sex. In his spare time Sloan is a doctor who once banged Julie Andrews and defeated Goldfinger with the aid of Benny Hill. Now that is impressive.
Winner: Dr Mark Sloan
So in conclusion it appears that the best detective in the world is our hero, the man, the legend, Dr Mark Sloan.
Ether that or this whole blog is a bit of a joke, I leave it to you to decide.