Hollywood had better keep their grubby, remaking mitts off of them!
While the trend to “re-imagine” or “re-envision” everything around them
has been going on for some time, these films have so far managed to
escape the fate of some of their less fortunate compatriots. I speak of
The 25 Movies They’d Better Never Remake.
THE GODFATHER (1972)
WRITTEN BY: Mario Puzo & Francis Ford Coppola
STARRING: Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Richard S. Castellano, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton, Abe Vidoda
Adapted from Mario Puzo’s novel that would be called “pulpy” at best
(“trashy” if we’re being more honest), Coppola and Puzo himself took the
opportunity that the book’s unexpected success granted them and crafted
one of the most well-structured dramatic epics ever filmed. Telling a
classic story of the shift in Italian family dynamics that came with
their assimilation into capitalistic American society, it is all wrapped
up in an entertaining and alluring Mafia package. Something beautiful
and miraculous happened when the unpolished coal of the novel was put
under the pressure of public expectation, studio hyper-oversight, and
Coppola’s vision- what happened was a cinematic diamond was born.
- “Now you listen to me, you smooth-talking son-of-a-bitch, let me lay it on the line for you and your boss, whoever he is! Johnny Fontane will never get that movie! I don’t care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork!”
- “Never tell anyone outside of the family what you’re thinking again.”
- “The gun’ll be there.”
- “Come on, you think I’d make my sister a widow? I’m Godfather to your son.”
- “This one time I’ll let you ask me about my affairs.”
“Fredo, you’re my older brother, and I love you. But don’t ever take sides with anyone against the Family again, ever.”
Not to mention every other classic line that’s been quoted a million times.
None of this would have been possible without The Godfather, and even the deconstructions function using the shorthand that Coppola’s film helped produce. To try and replicate that, would be to try and rewrite the very language with which modern gangster films are written and still evolving from. God help whoever ends up trying.
WHAT WOULD PLATINUM DUNES DO (WWPDD)?
Dunes company as a front. So naturally he’d be the logical choice to
spearhead any attempt at remaking this classic. How would it pan out,
- They convince a single-episode Sopranos director like Lee Tamahori to direct the film, so they can slap a “From Sopranos director…” on the trailers, unless Bogdanovich is really hard up for cash and can be convinced to do the movie this time around, that is.
- This story is modernized, and just kind of ignores the extinction of the 40s-era gangster
- Iconic story beats are integrated with as much respect as…
REBUTTAL: No way.
Jaws – Blade Runner
Rocky – North by Northwest – The Outlaw Josey Wales
Grease – Apocalypse Now
Phantasm – Chinatown – The Princess Bride
2001: A Space odyssey – It’s A Wonderful Life
It Happened One Night – The African Queen
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – The Godfather