In this edition of The Neurotic Monologues: Some venting, some personal happenings, a very short TV comment, and an update on that promised writing exercise.

1 . A study on human stupidity – My first dance recital
I decided to stop talking about dance and actually enroll in a modern dance class. This was six months ago and to my surprise, I really enjoyed it. Also to my surprise, the dance studio was preparing two consecutive dance shows at a big theater that I was supposed to participate in. My reaction to this little fact was pure horror.

The thing is, I was horribly, painfully shy as a kid. Whenever I had to speak in front of my classmates, whenever I met someone or whenever anyone spoke to me, I ‘d get the shakes. Very violent shakes. I’ve worked on my shyness for many years and although my social skills are deficient and I’m no stranger to the odd panic attack, I can now have conversations with strangers and move about in crowds without feeling like the end is nigh.

This is how I rationalized my possible participation in the dance shows: I thought that because of my shyness as a kid – which led me to reject parts in school plays and dance presentations- the most probable result based purely on consistency would be a disastrously public panic attack.

In case any of my three readers haven’t experienced a panic attack, let me assure you it is not a pretty sight, it is embarrassing, and physically debilitating.

After much thought I realized two things I hadn’t thought about before: a) If I was going to perform in front of complete strangers, why should I care? And b) Participating in the show would not only be a good artistic experience, it would also help me gauge how far I’ve come in overcoming my childhood shyness. And so, I decided to give it a try.

The day of the show came and I realized I felt nothing. No fear, no excitement. NOTHING. I arrived at the theater early so I went to get my make-up done. The make-up lady told me I could grow eyelashes with recine oil and faith. She also said “Your EYE is huge. You don’t need make-up on the lower eyelid”. For a moment I felt like a Cyclops, but since I actually have two eyes, I began feeling like an alien. That feeling once again changed when I saw myself in the mirror. It was like a hoochified clown was staring back at me. The horror! THE HORROR!

After the shock passed came the waiting. Hours and hours of waiting. It was BORING!! I don’t know how stage actors do it every day. It must be true love. Thankfully I was armed with a copy of 2001: A Space Odyssey and my IPod.

Then show time came and went; and once again I felt nothing. I wasn’t nervous or scared or excited. Once I stepped onto the stage I went on work-mode and did what I had to do. And the same happened the next day –except there was no eye size observations the second time around.

So despite being satisfied by the realization that I have in fact overcome my shyness significantly, I can’t help but wonder how many things I haven’t done because I thought they would frighten me and not because I’m actually afraid of them.

I guess, in my case, rationalizing is never a good thing.

2. A techie girly product review: HP Mini 210 Vivienne Tam Edition Netbook

I have a powerful PC that I adore and it’s been really good to me but at the beginning of May, I finally decided that a laptop was also needed. For the most part, I like my machines big and bulky, so I’m always attracted to big laptops. But as I still have my desktop for all the heavy work, I thought that a netbook would do the trick for writing, listening to music and watching videos.

I was familiar with the Dell Inspiron Mini 10 and found it to be a perfectly adequate machine despite its mere 1GB of ram.

But I must admit that the first thing that attracted me to the HP Mini 210 VT was due to a sudden activation of the girly girl in me: Despite being ridiculously golden –it took me a while to adjust to all that gold- it’s really pretty! That being said, the specs made me decide to buy it.

The Mini 210 VT comes with 2GB of ram and a 300GB HDD; making it a vast improvement over the Dell Inspiron Mini 10´s 1GB, 160GB HDD.  Since this is my first laptop ever, I wasn’t sure about the processor but decided to trust the many only reviews that stated it is good. 

So I’ve had the Mini 210 VT for over a month and I’m very happy with it. The Wi-Fi and Bluetooth connectivity work like a charm, as well as the integrated camera; the speakers are as bad as any other laptop’s, but once I replaced the pre-installed anti-virus with a lighter one, this little guy run perfectly fine, even when playing videos. The only problem the Mini 210 VT has is overheating but that’s quickly solved with a cooler.

I also hooked it up to a Bravia 42” TV via VGA port and it works great as multi display or using the Bravia as a single display.

All in all, it is a great tiny machine and I’m really happy with it. In case any of my three readers ever become interested in purchasing a netbook like this but don’t want to take the girly girl route, the HP Mini 210 comes in various matte colors and has the same specs as the Mini 210 VT and is cheaper. Yes, I paid more for its appearance, but I don’t care.

By the way, as of last week, it was announced that the HP Mini 210 VT is part of the HP product line that will be seen in Sex and The City 2. That’s one weird, unconscious, preemptive prop acquisition.

3. It is venting time! You may skip this part.
On my last post, I mentioned I’d be sending my resume for an editing job at a place where I have some connections. Well, the universe has once again proved that I have a chronic case of we-don’t-have-anything-for-someone-with-your-profile-at-the-moment-itis. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. As a text breaker, here’s Iamamiwhoami’s n.

5. A quickie on Summer TV
I am terribly underwhelmed by this summer’s new TV shows. The only two I’m interested in are Nikita (due to sentimental value – I loved La Femme Nikita and the original film) and The Gates (because I love all things vampire – except for all things Twilight). So far for me, this summer’s saviors are Burn Notice (which is just like fine wine: it gets better every season), True Blood, and that dance show I keep yapping about. And that’s all.

6. About the writing exercise
I was willing and ready to begin writing, and what did I do? I finally got a copy of Tom Raider Underworld. Yes, that right there is self sabotage. But I’m done with it, so the writing will begin very soon.

By the way: Leviathan Joe, if you’re reading this, thanks for the advice you left on the comments sections on my previous post. It’s a really good idea and I plan on implementing it but not for this particular exercise because I can’t write comedy and I’d rather not post my craptacular comedic skills. So your idea is officially my alternate writing project, the one I’ll keep in my computer, just for me.

About Tomb Raider Underworld: I placed the PC version with mouse and keyboard. The controls were a bit hard to get used to but in the end the game was all kinds of fun. I particularly enjoyed the final level and the hammer. Is it just me or every new Tomb Raider release seems to get shorter?

7. To end this post, my interweb media recommendation
Recently I discovered the Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show. The show is pretty self explanatory. It’s a conversation between Pollak and his guest, not a typical q&a session. It also features very bad Larry King impressions by the guests. It’s a very special show, made exclusively for the internet and I highly recommend it. Of all the episodes I’ve seen so far, my favorite guests have been Felicia Day and Titus Welliver (embedded bellow). Beware; these are over an hour long.

That’s all, folks!