The Ten Best Kid Kills
Originally Posted in 2008
Featured Writers: Nick Nunziata, Devin Faraci, Russ Fischer, Alex Riviello, David Oliver
There are certain taboos that few filmmakers will breach. Killing kids is one of them. That’s why a good child murder remains one of the moments in any movie that will shock even the most jaded connoisseur of extreme exploitation.
Some of you reading this will believe that kid kills are beyond the pale, but remember – this is just acting and make-up. This list is the best fictional kid kills – you won’t see the Twilight Zone movie on this list. Adjust your outrage-meters accordingly and settle in for ten of the best minor murders ever committed to celluloid.
Choice Pullquote: “Kathy almost gets away from the bad guys, but when she goes back to complain that she got the wrong ice cream flavor – ‘I wanted Vanilla Twist!’ – she takes a silenced round to the chest.” – Devin Faraci
Choice Pullquote: “It’s a shocking and violent moment that proves two things- kids are more trouble than they’re worth, and they don’t make men like David Warbeck anymore.” – Alex Riviello
Choice Pullquote: “Little dude is pedaling, he fucks up, he falls. Luckily, he won’t have to brush off his pants and try to pedal through thick grass because his day is ending early. A steamroller powered by a comet [OF COURSE] arrives and drives over his face.” – Nick Nunziata
Choice Pullquote: “Wong then throws a pre-teen piece of fois gras up on a table before lopping off her head as if he was auditioning for the Jean-Claude Dreyfus role in Delicatessen. We’re treated to an under-the-table shot of her noggin rolling off before a cascade of blood spills down.” – Russ Fischer
Choice Pullquote: “This is it. The mother of all kid-killing movies.” – Alex Riviello
Choice Pullquote: “And there’s no offscreen inferred action nor shocked looks only by the participants to indicate that something bad has happened. Piggy’s head is turned into a squish toy and laid out there – as Piggy was – for everyone to see.” – David Oliver
And for a sneak peek at next week’s rebirth: