I’ve greatly enjoyed covering the
spectacularly ridiculous toy and game properties the studios have been
optioning the last few years (one of my first stories for CHUD was about Where’s Waldo). A few weeks ago Ouija was the newest silliest acquisition to have a little movement, which I used as an opportunity to run down the other ridiculous franchises
in progress. But now another game is making headlines- it seems like
the Rubik’s cube may be algorithmically twisting and turning its way
onto a screen near you!

This information comes from Hollywood Insider,
who says that Rubik’s may be taking a unique path to the spotlight as
talent agency CAA has actually snapped up the brand and is packaging
pitches with studio input. The only idea mentioned concerning how the
hell you’d center a film around a gaming cube is apparently to make it
about a Rubik’s competition. Plenty of movies have centered around
tournaments for very specific or less-than-cinematic games, but to
have the toy-license be a part of the concept from the get-go?

I don’t envy whoever gets stuck writing this stupid stupid idea into a screenplay- they’ll inevitably get the first side act done and then get pissed off and abandon it when they have to tear up those pages to write any new ones.

All of that said, apparently Captain America is centered around a mystic cube (“The Tesseract” re-named Cosmic Cube, to be exact), and it’s possible they could combine this with another franchise for a nice Tron-style rebootquel– as you can see, I’ve already put some thought into that course of action…

Screw it. I hope some beloved auteur’s brilliant lower-budget masterpiece is shut down and the bank account drained specifically to fund this goddamn thing. Please do that for me Hollywood.