I’ve been neck deep in Smallville for its entire seven year run…for good or bad. I’ve covered four of the box sets in reviews and I’ve stuck with the show through the 47,964 freak-of-the-week episodes, through the torturous Clark / Lana / Lex triangle, through the 2,659 Lex-finding-Clark’s-secret-only- to-conveniently-forget-everything- deus-ex endings, through the 48 times Lex has been shot, and the 2,639,740 times that Clark has had to lie to Lex, Lana, Chloe, etc. to protect his secret.
I’m compelled to watch every week with one half of my brain and compelled to gouge my eyes out every week with the other half. There’s been some genuinely cool things done with the Superman mythology on the show and some things that make you think an emo stalker Supes having a moppet in the recent theatrical movie is sheer genius by comparison.
There’s a lot I like and a lot I have to tolerate. It’s been the nature of the show since the beginning. Another element has been the weekly featured real life ‘tween singing sensation that’s generally forgotted by the next episode. I can even put up with that simply because I’m used to it. I can tolerate the three or four total number of black people that have been on the show in the last seven years. It’s the CW, which stands for Clearly White. Fine. Cross-promotion of other Warner properties, okay, whatever. Just keep the stories mildly entertaining and I can let a lot of shit slide.
What I can’t let slide is when goddamned Stride chewing gum is used a plot device.
Quick episode recap: Pete Ross (Sam Jones III, one of said three or four black people) comes back to Smallville for the first time since leaving three years ago. He’s now working as a roadie for One Republic, the aforementioned ‘tween band flavor of the week. Sam chews some kryptonite-laced gum and gains stretching powers. Said gum happens to be Stride. After Sam uses his new powers to act out against Clark for having ruined his life because Pete kept his secret, which half of Smallville seems to know now by the way, and confronts Lex about his evil ways, Clark saves the day and Sam’s stretching powers eventually fade when he stops chewing the gum. End of the episode, Pete is saying his goodbyes to Chloe and pops another piece of gum. Chloe looks at him shocked and what does Pete do? Hold up the pack of Stride gum, give a shit-eating grin and inform Chloe that it’s kryptonite-free……………………….
Holy Christ if it had been Mentos, I might have shit myself.
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