As you can read here and here and here and here, my good friend, The Paranormal Activity Demon, is on a worldwide mission to find his lost love, the big-breasted lady from Paranormal Activity. He keeps me updated on his search via letters, which he’s requested I publish on CHUD.
Dear Mr. Chud,
Am demon. Am 1/10000000000 of Legion. All activity Paranormal Activity, when demon. Movie demonize. Mr. Chud set story straight.
I wake up at early in the morning. I immediately turn to the magazine. This is fourth day of the magazine. Next Door Lady cooks me all kinds of wonderful foods and gives me all kinds of wonderful time with my all kinds of wonderful magazine. I always love boobs. But now I see what all comes with the boobs. Before I really have no idea. I just cannot know how wonderful this world is.
The Next Door Lady worry about me, she says. I smell funny and don’t move, she says. That cannot be healthy, she says. Yesterday, she puts my magazine in a cee-thru bag and dumps buckets of water on me and scrub my skin w/soap. When I dry, she gave me more pancakes. I really like pancakes. This world is amazing.
She still worries tho. She recommend I take a magazine break, just long enough for another Sex in the City film. I say yes because a part of me misses my lady friends and cares to see where they try for happiness next even though their boobs are small and covered up.
All stories speak to me in some way. Carrie and Mister Biggg are using their magazine parts to have sex w/each other. They shouldn’t tho. Carrie has to keep it secret from her friends. I’ve think many about love that’s bad for you. I know how exciting it be for her do bad things that feel good.
Charlotte hangs out with women called lezbians. Lezbians are women who hate men and, thusly therefore, do not have any sex. Charlotte likes lezbians but doesn’t want to be one. This works for a happy time. But then the lezbians kick her out. All stories speak to me in some way except this one.
Samantha wants to have sex with a guy. She has sex with the guy. She doesn’t have sex with him again after that. That it for her in this movie.
Miranda has a new guy. He cannot have sex without looking at people having sex on TV…
Once again, I pass out. The magazine one thing, but this quite another. You live in world where you can watch boobies move up and down? Anytime you want? And you don’t watch boobies every second of every day and eating pancakes? What is wrong with you? Moloch right when he said you guys were crazy.
…Miranda doesn’t want to be w/the guy anymore because of boob TV while sex. I have not ever liked Miranda. Cannot understand why she not a lezbian like other lezbians in movie.
When TV end, I see beginning of commercial for dark security camera movie w/babie and doggie. Looks familiar but Next Door Lady quick turn off TV. Next Door Lady make me open gift. Inside is T-shirt that say Xena: Warrior Princess and pair of stretchy gray pants. House slippers too. Little bunnies. They make my skin burn and itch. She nice, tho. So I wear them. She give six of a drink call “beer”. I like more the more I drink. She say pretty soon time for another wash. I tell her “okay”. She my friend. Have hard time remember how I got here, tho.